Before Harry
by PadfootsMoonyPrincess
Summary: Before Harry there were the Marauders.  Before Harry there was Lily Evans and Avedra Lustra.
1. Chapter 1

-1Avedra Lustra glanced around the crowded tables in the Great Hall. She smiled at the noise and chaos that marked the start of term feast.

"Grinning so early in the school year, Ave?" Her best friend, Lily Evans teased from her right.

She turned to Lily and her smile broadened. "I love coming back to Hogwarts. And besides, Miss Prefect, I don't see you frowning. Has Potter FINALLY decided to leave you alone?"

Lily rolled her lovely emerald eyes, but her own smile didn't fade. "We can hope. At least Remus got Prefect too. Maybe he can keep Potter and Black in line now."

A hush filled the hall as Professor McGonagall came forward with the Sorting Hat and an old stool. The sorting of First Years began and Avedra turned back to Lily.

"Sure, because Lupin has done so well at keeping them from being a nuisance for the past four years. Next you'll be telling me this is the year that Pettigrew gets top marks in Potions." Ave smirked, quite proud of her own wittiness.

She and Lily cheered as two First Years were sorted into Gryfindor. One, a small girl, settled beside Avedra. Ave smiled down at the scared girl and patted her on the back.

"Welcome to Gryffindor, I'm Avedra and this is Lily." She offered over the cheers from Slytherin as the snakes called another one home.

"I'm Sandra," the girl barely whispered.

Lily shot Avedra a look and they both nodded. Sandra was most definitely Muggleborn. "Don't worry, Gryffindor is a great house and you'll find loads of friends." Avedra assured the timid girl.

"And if you need any help, just come to me," Lily offered, smiling.

Sandra smiled and nodded. The table erupted again as another young girl was sorted into their house. She made a beeline for the space between Sandra and a fourth year. Sandra turned to her new housemate, and showed signs of the courage their house was known for by introducing herself and Lily and Avedra.

"Another lioness, Lils." Avedra murmured to Lily as they watched a fast friendship form amid the cheers of surrounding tables.

The feast started soon after, only three new Gryffindor girls and four boys. Avedra snuck glances at the younger girls as the gold plates filled with food. She smiled at their wonder at all the magic Hogwarts held. Hard to believe, she thought, that that was her four years ago. At least she knew more about Hogwarts than the Muggleborns, but it was intimidating nonetheless.

A pea flew through the air and smacked Ave in the cheek. Looking up with murderous eyes, she knew instinctively where it came from.

"Sirius Black! Do you MIND?!" She glared at the far too good looking boy who grinned sheepishly at her from beside his best mates.

"Sorry Ave, it was meant for Lily." Sirius snickered and raised his spoon to aim again.

Avedra pulled her wand from her pocket and flicked it casually at Sirius' plate. All of his peas began launching themselves at him one at a time. James Potter started laughing as his best friend was being targeted by tiny green ammo. Raising an eyebrow, Avedra flicked again and another attack was launched, this time against James. The table erupted in hoots and Lily shook her head at Avedra.

"Honestly, Ave, do you think that makes it better?" She admonished.

"No, but it makes it funnier," Ave grinned as Potter and Black attempted to counter charm the peas back onto the plate only to have them speed up in flinging themselves at the two boys. "Maybe I should have warned them about that side effect. Any counter charms only add to the attack."

Remus sat watching Avedra with a soft smile. She never let James or Sirius get away with their attempts to weaken Lily's resolve. He chuckled as a vicious pea hit James in the eye then launched itself at Sirius' ear.

Avedra decided that the peas had made their point, as it were, and flicked her wand again. The peas stopped mid attack and fell to the plate, table, laps of their victims and floor.

"Sorry Sirius, looked like you needed help getting the peas to your mouth." Avedra smirked.

Sirius and James glared for a moment before giving up and collapsing in laughter. Avedra made things interesting, that was certain. Attacking peas. Last year she'd charmed their robes to the bench and every attempt to unbind had only strengthen the charm. They'd ended up having to strip them off to get to their dorm. The next morning their robes were found folded and cleaned at the foots of their beds.

"Well, if you're all through making a mess for the House-elves. It's time to get to Gryffindor tower." Lily said, smiling and motioning to the First Years. "Follow me, ladies and pay attention. The pathways and stairways in Hogwarts are not your average fair."

Avedra waited for Lily to get her charges gathered and wandered behind, hoping to keep anyone from straggling behind. Last year the Prefect lost a First Year during the walk when the young boy had stopped to gawk at one of the moving pictures. Then he'd wandered into a broken cupboard and was found three weeks later in the dungeon. Poor kid, he'd been terrified.

She let her mind drift even as she kept an eye out for touristy First Years and didn't notice when two people came up on either side of her. An arm snaked around her shoulders and she came back to her surroundings.

"Sirius, haven't I told you it's impolite to impose yourself on my personal space?" She asked, shrugging off the weight of his arm.

"Avedra, haven't I told you that using such big words only adds to my confusion?" Sirius asked, teasing.

They walked on in comfortable silence. Unlike her best friend, Avedra wasn't ready to curse Black and Potter on whim. Sure, she gave as good as she got, but usually they had to DO something to get her to charm their peas.

"So Lustra, are you going to teach us that charm you used on the peas?" James asked, grinning.

"No, Potter, why would I do that? You'd only use it on Severus and then you'd get points taken off of Gryfindor and I'd want to charm something else to attack you." She replied with unbridled condescension.

"It's really unfair, Avedra. You get to learn all these new, untested charms and we have to wait until they come out in one of the textbooks." Sirius whined. "I mean, why couldn't my mother be a charm research and developer?"

"Because she's too busy cutting the heads off of House-elves and plotting the downfall of Muggleborns?" Avedra offered, conversationally.

"Well technically it's Dad who cuts the heads off, but I get your point."

The stopped outside the portrait hole and waited for everyone else to catch up before Lily would give them the password. As the Fat Lady's portrait swung aside, Avedra's eyes glowed at the sight of home. The common room was ablaze in warm firelight and even after four years she was still awed at how homey it was.

"Heading upstairs, Sirius?" James asked.

"If Avedra isn't going to tell us the new charm, I guess we'd better." Sirius said, trying to sound put out.

"Off it, Sirius. You know I'm not going to give in that easily. What's in it for me?" Ave asked, sliding into a comfortable chair near the fire. She twisted, throwing her legs over one arm and resting her head on the other arm.

Sirius gave her a wolfish grin and pulled a chair closer to hers. She knew he had something for her, something good by the way he was acting. James grabbed another chair and Pettigrew slunk up from out of the shadows nearby.

"We do have something, but we're not sure you're right for the job." Sirius whispered. "It's research, difficult research."

Avedra's eyes sparkled. She loved research. Especially the kind that the Marauders

came up with. They knew that anything they tossed at her she could figure out.

"What's this research for, exactly?" Avedra asked.

"Animagi, we want to become Animagi." James whispered.

It made complete sense to her. What better way to go slinking about the castle than as a pack of animals? She bit her lip and mentally prepared her list of research materials. She'd have to finagle a way to get into the restricted section.

The boys watched as her mind worked. Sirius knew that she'd be able to do it. Avedra Lustra lived for research. Half of the unauthorized charms he knew came from Avedra. Between her mother's work and her own research and experiments, the Marauders had an arsenal of spells that the rest of the school envied. If anyone they trusted could help them become Animagi, it was Avedra. It helped that she wasn't hard on the eyes.

"I'll do it," Avedra said. "One condition, though."

Damn, Sirius thought. "What?"

"I have to become one too, an Animagus." Avedra had been working things through in her mind and she knew that she'd have to learn to do it as well, in order to teach them how.

Sighing, the boys nodded. It was easier than explaining why they were doing it, and why it was a bad idea for her to do it too.

Avedra stretched, tossing her full head of ebony curls back. Her short legs dangled over the edge of the chair and she arched unabashedly. "Well, I'm tired. I'll see you boys in the morning. Sweet dreams."

Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his seat. She ALWAYS did things like that, stretching and arching. Merlin's beard, sometimes being around her was pure torture. "Night, Ave."

She jumped up and walked to the stairs leading to the girls dormitory. Stopping briefly to wave back, she headed up for a relaxing night.

"Bloody Hell," Remus breathed from behind Sirius. Peter jumped, not noticing that Remus had joined them.

"You can say that again, mate," Sirius half moaned. "If I didn't already know she was a witch, I'd suspect her after that little show."


	2. Chapter 2

-1A few weeks after Sirius and James approached Avedra about the research they needed, she managed to convince Professor Flitwick that she wanted to do more research on immobile object charms and he gave her the required authorization for access to the Restricted Section of Hogwarts library. Luckily she'd researched immobile object charms over the summer and could answer any questions about them verbatim. So on a crisp, sunny Saturday Avedra started her research.

She stood tiptoe atop a rickety ladder scanning the battered spines of the ancient texts. Already her keen green eyes had found four tomes, now precariously perched on one arm. She overextended herself, reaching for a fifth book and found herself falling toward the none to soft castle floor. Slender, yet strong arms snaked seemingly out of nowhere to stop her body's fall. Her heart pounded, adrenaline coursing through her veins. She shut her eyes and willed herself to calm down.

When her breathing returned to normal, she opened her eyes and looked up into clear black eyes. "Thank you, Severus," she breathed, unable to think of anything wittier at the moment.

He righted her and stood back, letting her smooth her robes into place. "Whatever could be so important that you'd risk bashing your brains in to get to?" He asked, a hint of his usual snappishness present. He reached down and picked up the nearest fallen book and scanned the title. "Tranfiguration for Humans. Planning on turning Black into something more useful? An armchair, perhaps?"

Avedra avoided his piercing gaze and picked up the other books. She hated how he seemed able to see through her. "Just a little light reading. Are you looking for a specific potions book? I think they're a few stacks over," she offered, hoping he'd take the hint and be on his way.

"No, I've found what I was looking for," he moved forward toward her. Avedra had to steel herself to not back away. He held out the book he'd picked up to her. She took it, looking into his eyes and her breath caught.

Severus continued to advance as Avedra fought to stand her ground. When he was standing mere inches from her he stopped and stared down at her, his black eyes burning into hers. Unable to stand still, she took a step back, stopping when her back hit the bookshelf. A smirk played on Snape's lips.

"Frightened, Avedra?" He asked in a whisper. His hands rose to brace on either side of her head.

Avedra's stubbornness rose inside her. She straightened to her full, yet short height. She held her head high and let her cool gaze settle on his dark one. She refused to allow him to think he had her cowered.

"Hardly, Severus. Whatever would I be frightened of?" She returned haughtily.

The smirk never left his lips as he bent his head. His eyes continued to hold hers and he breathed "This," before his lips met hers.

Avedra knew she should slap him or at least push at him. Somehow her hands disagreed and wound around his neck while she pressed her lips back against his. Her brain was at war with her physical responses. Instead of being repulsed by the kiss she was returning it with gusto. Part of her screamed that this was Severus Bloody Snape while another sighed that it finally happened.

She let a sigh escape and Severus took advantage of the slight opening and let his tongue slither inside for a taste. His arms were shaking from his grip on the bookshelf, but he was certain he'd crush her if he tried to embrace her. Her tongue tentatively flicked against his and his grip tightened. Her fingers slid into his hair and she tilted her head. It took all of his power to pull back.

Avedra blinked at Severus' sudden absence. His eyes were hooded and his lips glistened. He swallowed hard. She stared up at him, trying to wrap her mind around the fact that she had just been snogged silly by Snape. Her fingers were still laced behind his neck and she had to think about letting go. She let her hands slide down his shoulders and he raised his to hold hers in place.

He swallowed again. "I-er-I mean…damn it."

She smiled. Severus Snape was speechless. She knew she could hit him broadside with a verbal attack and he'd never see it coming or be able to rebound from it. That didn't sit well with her. She didn't want to hurt or humiliate him. Not now.

Biting her lip, Avedra moved her left hand from his and cupped his cheek. "That was a bit unexpected."

"You could say that again!!" Black's voice rang out from the entrance of the stacks. "What the bloody hell do you think you are doing, Avedra?!"

Avedra felt her face burn and Severus, thinking it was from shame, stepped away from her. Her hands balled into fists as she deliberately turned toward Sirius' voice. There, standing as though confounded, were Sirius and James. At the look on Avedra's face, they raised their hands as if surrendering.

"How _dare _you _spy _on me," she hissed, as her anger rolled like waves off of her.

Severus' eyes wandered back and forth between the small and furious witch and her two friends. If possible, she was more enchanting angry. Her eyes were flashing, her cheeks flushed, and the air around her practically crackled. She made no move to grab her wand, but for some reason it didn't lessen the threat she posed.

He let her anger settle his worry that she was embarrassed about kissing him. She wasn't embarrassed at all. She was angry that they'd been interrupted. He smirked slightly before realizing that was a mistake in the current situation.

"Oh, I see. I'm to be a pawn." Avedra had noticed the smirk out of the corner of her eye. "One kisses me to anger the other two. The other two are angry because I kissed someone they don't approve of. Sadly, boys, I'm in no mood to play games."

She stepped to the pile of books she'd been collecting before her world went into a tailspin. Carefully picking them up, she moved to the end of the stacks before turning back to the three boys still watching her. "All three of you can do well to leave me out of your petty squabbles." She left before any of them could offer a contradiction or argument against her.


	3. Chapter 3

-1Remus watched Avedra explain patiently to Peter how he must concentrate to perform a successful Summoning Charm. Unlike James and Sirius, Ave continued to talk to and help Peter and himself. As long as they were two Maurauders short, she remained the same Avedra as always. Let James or Sirius walk near and the temperature dropped drastically. It had been this way for a week, ever since they'd gone to the library to remind her of a study session and caught her and Snape.

He smiled as Peter caused the book they'd been practicing on to fly perfectly to his hand.

"Way to go, Peter!" James' voice called out as he came through the portrait hole.

Sirius followed, both carrying broomsticks and sweating from their Quiddich practice. Avedra muttered her excuses and gathered her things as James and Sirius moved to join them.

"Come on, Ave. How long are you planning on freezing us out?" Sirius taunted.

Pursing her lips, Avedra turned to address him. Gone was the patient, friendly Avedra and in her place stood the cold and collected young woman that brooked no argument.

"I'd say until you quit being a childish prat, but I doubt I'll live that long." Turning again, she started for the girls' dormitory. When she reached the foot of the stairs she turned again to face them. "Perhaps when you learn that my private life isn't subject to your approval I might reconsider."

She walked up the stairs and away from the two shamefaced boys. Lily was already in their room reading.

"I didn't hear any explosions, forgive them yet?" Lily asked from behind her book.

"Hardly," Avedra replied. She settled on her own bed and drew her legs up to her chin. "I still can't believe how they acted. Then again, I can't believe how stupid I was."

Lily had heard the full story from Avedra the moment she came charging back to the common room. She then heard Severus' side the next morning. He was heartbroken that she thought he'd only wanted to kiss her to get at Black and Potter. Daily he sent written apologies through school owls to Avedra, but she refused to budge. In her

eyes he was just as guilty as Sirius and James.

"How could I have let him kiss me? I know how those three despise each other, I should have known it was just a ploy." Avedra muttered from her bed. Yet she still had all of his letters. Every single one was tied in a stack in her trunk.

"Ave," Lily said, putting down her book and deciding to remind her friend of what Severus had confided in her. "You know Severus talked to me after it happened. He swears he didn't consider your friendship with Potter and Black at all. He's fancied you for a long time, I told you that."

Avedra looked at her friend. Lily had never lied to her, not even to spare her feelings. She bit her lip and a tear escaped her eye. It just hurt so much to think that she could be used as a pawn in some childish war.

Lily crossed to Avedra's bed and hugged her. Avedra cried, unsure of whether to believe in Severus and his apologies. She was tired of freezing James and Sirius out too, it was hard work being an ice princess.

"What are you going to do, Ave?" Lily whispered, patting her on the back.

Avedra calmed and made her decision. She pulled away from Lily and pulled a blank parchment from her bag. Summoning a quill and some ink she began to write.


	4. Chapter 4

-1Severus stood under the willow at the edge of the Black Lake. She'd asked him to meet her here and he was early. He couldn't believe that she was willing to finally talk to him. He fidgeted, smoothing his robes and raking his hair back from his face. Dear Merlin, he'd driven himself mad since her temper flew at him.

A crunching of leaves warned him of her approach. He turned and was shocked to see Potter and Black arriving instead. He drew his wand, determined to not be on the receiving end this time. They, too, had their wands drawn.

"Now, now, boys," her voice called from behind him. "There will be no need for wands." They all looked at her, wondering how she got to the edge of the lake without their notice. "Put them away!" She ordered when they made no move to lower their wands.

All three boys pocketed their wands and stood stiffly wondering what was going on. Avedra smiled at the three of them, hoping they realized that she meant them no harm.

"I asked you all to meet me here because there are things we need to discuss." She cleared her throat as though preparing a lecture. "I've decided that I'm not going to be angry with you anymore. Well, actually I'm not going to be angry with you if you agree to a few things."

Severus nodded, happy that she was speaking to him at all. Sirius and James repeated his agreement, glad that she wasn't being cold toward them.

"Good. You see, I've decided that I reacted rather harshly. I realized that Severus wasn't using me as a pawn, at least I don't believe he was. I've also remembered that I was supposed to be taking part in a study group and that's the reason that you two were in the library looking for me. This doesn't excuse your behavior, however, I've decided that it was a bit unexpected for all of us." She blushed as her gaze fell on Severus. "Since I hate being cold to my friends and I don't want to close you out either, Severus, I thought we should have a few ground rules."

At this Sirius gave a bark of laughter. Avedra raised her eyebrow at him and he quieted down. James coughed, covering the laugh that was threatening to release from him as well. Severus rolled his eyes at the two buffoons and focused on Avedra.

"As I've said, my private life is my own. I don't appreciate having my friends butt in where they aren't welcome. So, if you still want my friendship, you have to stay out of whatever Severus and I decide to be. And Severus, I won't be flaunted. If you want to be with me, fine, but I won't be a bragging right." Avedra stopped and waited for her words to settle.

Sirius answered first, "But Ave, it's Snivellus." Her glare stopped him in his tracks.

James winced and shook his head. "Ave, it's your life. I just want you to be happy." He glanced at Severus and back to Avedra. "If he makes you happy, then I for one won't be giving you a hard time about it."

Avedra was impressed, maybe Potter was growing up after all. Sirius groaned and nodded agreement with James. "Yeah, fine, if the git makes you happy great. If he doesn't, I'll enjoy hexing him into next year."

Severus glared at Sirius. "Avedra, I never considered Black and Potter at all when, well when we…" He stumbled over the words and moved on. "I just want to be with you, just you."

Sirius' wand hand itched with the urge to have him dangling over the lake. One look at Avedra, and he stopped. She really looked happy that Severus wanted to be with her. What the bloody hell?! Sighing he stepped past Snivellus and hugged her. "Remember, if he hurts you I'll make him wish he'd never been born." He whispered in her hair.

Avedra coughed and moved back from Sirius. She smiled at him and James. They took the hint and started back toward the castle. Behind them, Severus and Avedra had their first awkward moment.

"Can you believe this? Our Ave with that dung heap." Sirius muttered as he and James entered the castle. "What is she thinking?"

James shook his head. "Sirius, she likes him and nothing we say will make that stop. Just hope it doesn't last long."

Back at the lake Avedra and Severus took turns clearing their throats and shooting glances at each other. Now what? Avedra wondered. After basically telling her friends she liked being snogged senseless by Severus and hoped it would happen again, it was a bit strange just standing here with him.

Severus tried to think of something to say. Anything to say. Anything at all. He cleared his throat again and looked down at Avedra. Beautiful Avedra with her charcoal curls and porcelain skin.

"Wonderful weat-"

"Beautiful day-"

They both laughed at their strangled attempts at small talk. Damn it, it was easier when they were trading barbs or talking about classes.

"You were brilliant in Slughorn's class yesterday," Avedra said, remembering his perfect PepperUp potion. "Potions seems to be the one class I cannot grasp at all."

"I don't know, you seem to hold your own." Severus lied. She was dismal in potions.

Avedra laughed. "Severus Snape, you're lying. You and I both know that my potions need their own reversal section in class."

"You're right, you're terrible in potions." He conceded, smirking back at her. "I never understood how such a talented witch could have so much trouble with such a simple subject."

Smiling up at him, she held out her hand. He took it and they started walking toward the castle. Talking about different classes and where the most trouble lay for both of them, they filled any silences before they came. By the time they reached the Gryfindor portrait hole, they were already arguing.

"Honestly, how can you be so closed minded?" Avedra demanded, hands on hips. "Divination is a science too, just not exact like potions."

Severus rolled his eyes. "Divination can hardly be called a science. It's nothing more than reading rubbish left behind after tea."

Avedra groaned, unsure why she was having so much fun arguing about a subject she detested. "You're impossible."

"So are you," Severus said quietly, his eyes burning down into hers. He lowered his head and kissed her.

"Bloody hell, we're going to see it everywhere we go…" Sirius' voice muttered as the portrait opened.

Avedra smiled and kissed Severus back, wrapping her arms around his neck as his hands rested on her waist.


	5. Chapter 5

-1Chapter Five

Avedra and Severus sat at a secluded table in the library working. Severus was looking over Avedra's potions' notes and making corrections at an alarming rate while she was jotting notes from Human Transfiguration Made Easy. Making a careful notation on how animal selection is key not only for the ease of changing but for climate and region. Made sense, Avedra thought, you wouldn't want to turn into a trout in the middle of the desert. The boys would have to choose easily explained animals. Peter might need to select something more simple than the others, considering his issues with Transfiguration.

She noticed that the scratching of Severus' quill had stopped and she looked up to see him watching her. Smiling, she turned her head back to her parchment. He slid his hand across the table and touched hers. Avedra put her quill down and took his hand in hers. She looked back up into his penetrating eyes.

"You bite your lip while you're concentrating, did you know that?" He whispered, stroking the top of her hand with his thumb. "And you mutter to yourself. Something about trout in deserts."

She crinkled her nose and bit back a laugh. "Great, so I gnaw on my lip and I mutter like a nutter. It's the stuff of fantasies."

Severus leaned closer and whispered so she could feel his breath on her ear, "The stuff of my fantasies anyway."

"Honestly, James everywhere we go they're cooing at each other like love sick pigeons," Sirius broke in on the moment.

James chuckled then offered, "At least they stopped snogging in entryways. There's hope yet."

Avedra and Severus glared up at the interlopers. Severus' grip on her hand tightened. "Is there something we can help you with, Black, Potter." He ground out from clenched teeth.

"No, we just came to pay a little visit to Avedra. Wondered if she was making progress on her latest research." James said easily. "You know how she loves research. I'm surprised she even noticed you sitting there."

Avedra rolled her eyes. "Yes, I'm such a focused individual I wouldn't notice a hippogriff if it landed on the table while I'm researching. As for that, my research is proving interesting." 

Severus turned to Avedra and asked, "Just what is it you're researching anyway? Obliviously something to do with human transfiguration, but what precisely?"

She cleared her throat as Sirius and James fought to remain calm. Avedra wouldn't tell Severus their plans, she'd never betray them regardless of how she felt about Snivelly. "Actually it's very mundane. I wanted to see how many ways a human can transfigure themselves. I knew the basics: animal transformations, glamours, but I wanted to see what else there was to offer in the way of human transfiguration. Like, for instance, I know now that a person can transfigure themselves into inanimate objects such as sofas and chairs more easily than changing into Animagus form." She hoped this would convince Severus that her research was purely theoretical and not anywhere near the vein of the truth.

"So you really could transfigure Black or Potter into an arm chair?" Severus asked, amused slightly at the thought.

"No, it's harder for one person to change another person than it is for a person to change themselves." Avedra corrected. "Actually, it's damn near impossible to change a person against their will. So unless James or Sirius have an overwhelming urge for me to change them into an arm chair, they would have to do it themselves."

Sirius groaned. "Thanks a lot, Sniv-Snape. Now I'll have to make sure I don't make casual reference about wanting to become a chair around her."

"I think we should worry more about her charming food to attack us. She's a terror with peas, Snape, so watch out." James snickered, pulling Sirius away from Avedra and Severus' table.

"Peas?" Severus asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Hours later, after a very amused Severus heard the story of charmed, attacking peas and having been kissed within an inch of his life, Avedra was ensconced in one of the chairs around the fireplace in Gryfindor tower. Her notes were on one leg while a book was perched on her other, but her attention was focused on the flames as they danced in front of her. A small smile played on her lips when she thought about Severus' reaction to the pea story. He really was such a sweet boy, she thought, hardly the snake that James and Sirius acted like he was. And actually, they were doing much better around him. She'd only caught Sirius hexing him once since their talk by the lake. Maybe this would work out, she decided.

"Earth to Ave," Sirius' voice broke her reverie. "So now that we're practically alone," she glanced around the common room and found only three or four small groups, each paying attention to their own issues, "how is the research really coming along?"

Avedra rolled her neck, trying to get a knot worked out that she only just felt. "Actually it's going more smoothly than I first thought. In fact, I'll be giving it practical testing soon. Well, as soon as I decide on my animal form." She said smiling. James and Peter joined them. Remus had been called home for one of his mother's frequent illnesses. "I was just telling Sirius that the research is moving along nicely and I'm going to give it a try in a day or so. Oh and you four need to figure out what animal form you'd like to take. And try not to choose flamboyantly."

James grinned and looked at Sirius when she said not flamboyant. "What? I'm not 'flamboyant'." Sirius said frowning. Avedra and James shared a look and started laughing. "I'm NOT." Sirius insisted.

"Third year," Avedra challenged.

Sirius' frown deepened. "That doesn't count, I was just a kid."

James was choking on his laughter. "You're only two years older now."

"And just what does age have to do with deep purple hair?" Avedra asked, not masking her giggles.

"It was an accident." Sirius admonished, biting his lip to keep from laughing himself.

"You were trying to impress Mary Sue Prewitt and you charmed your hair purple." Avedra reminded.

"It wasn't supposed to be purple. It was supposed to give me highlights. She said she fancied boys with sun streaked hair." Sirius couldn't hold back his own chuckling now.

Avedra raised an eyebrow. "And the sun streaks hair purple?"

"Not that I know of," James guffawed. Dear Merlin, how they'd tortured Sirius when he came down with purple hair.

The laughter died down after a few moments. Wiping her eyes, Avedra went back to the topic at hand. "You need to pick animals that won't look odd being on the grounds. I'd suggest staying clear of unicorns or bow truckles, unless of course, you want to end up a subject in Care of Magical Creatures class."

The boys got thoughtful and so did Avedra. What animal did she want to become? At first she considered a bird, perhaps a raven, but then thought that Hagrid might accidentally shoot her down for one of his pets' dinner. She bit her lip, considering animals.

"What are you four over here conspiring about?" Lily asked, breaking the silence.

Avedra gave a start, she'd been deep in thoughts of slithering around the grounds as a serpent. "Oh nothing much, wondering how Remus is doing at home." Avedra lied. Actually she had wondered how Remus was. Every trip home to his sick mother seemed to leave him worse for the wear. He seemed pale and tired when he returned, not that he was ever very hearty. Now that she thought about it, he hadn't been among his friends when they asked her about the Animagus research in the first place. Surely he'd be becoming one as well, wouldn't he?

Lily nodded, smiling sadly. "Poor dear, his mother's illness calls him home every month. And he seems so tired after visiting with her."

Avedra noticed that the boys were very quiet during this exchange. What were they thinking?


	6. Chapter 6

-1Chapter 6

The room was dark, cool, and silent but for the sounds of her breathing. Her eyes were closed and she concentrated on willing her body to take the form of her choosing. Slowly she felt a tingling in her fingers and toes, moving inward to her hands and feet before moving inward still until her whole body felt the tingle. Her ears were growing, elongating. Then she felt a twitch behind her, a tail was emerging.

"Keep focus, keep focus," she muttered in her mind.

Suddenly there came a burst of light and the sounds of voices. Opening her eyes she saw the Marauders standing before her gaping.

"Ave," James started, uncertain, "you have a tail."

She rolled her eyes and the tail flicked impatiently. Great, now how do I fix a partial transformation? All her research had failed to address what you should do if you find yourself part human and part animal. Her ears twitched.

"Just what were you trying to change into?" Sirius asked, barely controlling his snickering.

Ignoring him, Avedra bit her lip and closed her eyes, attempting to recapture her concentration. The quiet laughter of the peanut gallery broke through before she even felt a faint tingle. Groaning, she opened her eyes again and this time the boys let their laughter loose. If only she could see herself, Sirius thought, with those pointy ears and that long tail. What the bloody hell was she trying for?

"A wolf," Avedra muttered, pacing. She was certain all she needed was concentration, and for concentration she needed quiet. Quiet she wouldn't get with the staring and guffawing of her friends. Maybe if they left. "I need you all to leave."

"Aww, come on, Ave. It's not that bad," James chuckled as her tail gave an impatient twitch.

"No," Avedra stated firmly, "I need you to leave so I can change back."

"What's wrong? Stage fright?" Sirius asked between braying like a donkey.

Avedra glared at them and they shrugged, moving toward the door. When all four were out and the door closed, she flicked her wand and made the room dark again. Concentrate, she told herself. She felt the beginning of the tingle she'd felt before and she focused on having the ears and tail disappear from her. The tingling focused on the left ear and she saw in her mind it shrinking until gone. She moved on to the right ear when there was a loud bang outside the room. Hissing a curse, she waved her wand to relight the room.

"What the hell were those four doing out there?" She wondered, waiting for another sign of disaster. None came and she hesitated leaving the room. Not many people knew of this room that became whatever you needed it to be. Surely it would be a bit odd to see her leave a room that doesn't exist normally. "Damn it what where were they?"

The door creaked open and Remus' sandy hair came into view. He smiled shyly at Avedra before walking fully into the room. "No worries. Peter was just practicing his summoning spell and one of the candelabras whacked James in the head."

She gave a chuckle before realizing that she was still part animal. A check of her watch made her realize that curfew was only ten minutes away. Great, now what? Then she realized that she was all alone with Remus. The one Marauder that was never alone in her company, now that she came to think on it.

Clearing her throat, she asked, "So are they still out there? We should probably head back…"

Remus glanced at her one wolf ear and swishing tail. "Um, Avedra? Maybe Madame Pomfrey should see to your…" He motioned to her animal bits.

Slapping her hand on her forehead, Avedra groaned. "I suppose so, but how do I get fixed without confessing to what we're trying to do?"

"Easy. Just tell her Sirius jinxed you." Remus offered with a chuckle.

Grinning back at him, she motioned for him to lead the way. The next morning Sirius and James looked glum as Avedra arrived at the Gryfindor table wolf earless and lacking a tale. Not to mention the twenty five points lighter the whole house felt.


	7. Chapter 7

-1Chapter 7

"No, Severus, you will not hex Black." Avedra said through clenched teeth.

Severus glared back at her. "He put you in the hospital wing. Of course I'm going to hex him."

Avedra sighed. They'd been arguing for what seemed like hours. Severus felt he had to defend her honor, but seeing as Sirius hadn't really been the cause for her trip to Madame Pomfrey, she couldn't let this can of worms be opened. Unfortunately she couldn't very well explain to him the real reason for her visit. Could she?

"Severus, there's something I need to tell you, but you can't tell anyone else." Avedra started.

Stepping through the portrait hole, Avedra made a beeline for the four boys in a corner beside the fireplace. They all looked up at her approach and waited for her to break the silence. Sighing, she tossed herself into an unoccupied chair.

"Sniv-Snape still want to hex me into next week?" Sirius asked with a grin.

She shot him a glare, but the smile stayed in place.

"No, he isn't. Not since I told him-"

James jumped to his feet with a shout that drew several curious stares.

"You told him?!" He bellowed, drawing even more attention.

"If you would sit down and stop shouting I'd explain what I told him. For someone intent on secrecy, you're making quite a scene." She stated calmly.

James sat down with a glare mirroring Sirius'. How could she have betrayed them to Snivellus?

"Now, before I was interrupted, I was trying to explain that I told Severus that Sirius didn't attack me. I told him that you were helping me with my research and I ASKED you to turn me into something. I said I hadn't been specific and you started, but something went wrong." She sat back and waited for her clever lie to sink in.

Remus watched Avedra while James and Sirius exchanged looks of bemusement. He could tell that it had bothered her more than she was letting on to have to lie to Severus. He wondered how much longer she could balance the Slytherin boyfriend and the Marauder friendship. There were already dark smudges beneath her eyes and she seemed more strained lately, and no wonder. James and Sirius congratulated her on her quick thinking and she answered with a smile. Still watching her, he saw that it didn't quite reach her eyes. In fact, lately her eyes which normally sparkled with mischief seemed dimmer. While James and Sirius returned to their game of Wizarding chess with Peter as a cheerleader, he watched her facing the fire with the flames dancing in her eyes.

She's really beautiful, Remus thought, his eyes never leaving her. He'd gotten so used to having her around that he hardly noticed her change from bubbly first year to the serious young woman sitting before him. Her raven black curls tumbled over one shoulder and would have been lost against the black of her school robes were it not for the bluish shine. Her fair skin seemed paler and more drawn. She worried her lower lip before sensing his gaze and turning to catch his amber eyes in her glassy green stare.

"Remus?" She whispered and his heart thumped against his chest.

Clearing his throat he answered her with a faint "yes".

She shook her head and gave a confused smile. "Nothing." Turning back to the flames, her smile held.


	8. Chapter 8

-1Chapter Eight

The next few weeks were more hectic than they'd ever known. The professors of Hogwarts were fulfilling their promise of more intensive learning for OWL examinations. Severus and Avedra found their only time together was spent studying. She missed their walks around the grounds and their arguments that were guaranteed precursors to a great snog session. With three parchments at the least due per week, there was really nothing to be done. She was also having difficulty finding time for another attempt at Animagus transformation.

"Ave, what did you get for the fifth Arithmancy problem?" James whispered from the other end of the table.

She slid him her finished parchment and added another sentence to her paragraph on Monk's Hood. Defense Against the Dark Arts was focusing on dark beasts and a two foot parchment on werewolves was due in the morning. She reread what she'd written thus far. Bitten, transformation, painful and wearing, full moon, three days a month…wait a minute. She looked out the library window at the full moon's bright glare. Then she looked at the end of the table. One, two, three Marauders. Oh my goddess.

Standing up and ignoring Severus' shocked expression, she moved to the three boys at the end of the table. She yanked Sirius and James from their seats and pushed them toward the other side of the stacks. She gave each a good thump in the arm.

"Ow, what was that for?" Sirius asked, rubbing his arm.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me," she hissed.

The two boys looked at each other confused. What hadn't they told her? There was only one thing and it dawned on them fast. Oh shit.

"Ave, we really shouldn't talk about this here." James started, looking around the stacks to be sure no one was eavesdropping.

Glaring at both boys, she turned and walked back to the table. They heard her mutter an excuse to Snape and rush out of the library. She stomped back to the common room, angry with them for not trusting her enough to tell her and worried about Remus. My god, what he must be going through. And all alone. She slapped her forehead. That's why they wanted to learn Animagus transformation. So he wouldn't be all alone. Those bloody wankers hadn't trusted her enough to tell her.

She threw herself into a chair by the fire and remembered how Remus had watched her not two weeks ago. Watched and actually seen her, she thought. Sweet, quiet Remus cursed to be treated worse than an animal if anyone found out. A tear escaped and still she sat and watched the flames, thinking how utterly helpless it all was.


	9. Chapter 9

-1Chapter Nine

Something was different about Avedra. Severus had noticed the change when she'd made a hasty exit from the library after her short conversation with Black and Potter. She was quieter and had a new habit of being short with everyone, even Lily. It was as though she'd received horrible news but could share it with no one. When he'd tried to offer her an ear for any unburdening she might need to do, she'd pulled further away. Whatever was going on, Potter and Black knew what it was. He was certain of that and his stomach was in knots about it. She didn't trust him, he thought, dotting an 'I' viciously with his quill. She didn't trust him, but she trusted those two misfits.

Looking over his essay he was writing for potions, he noticed it was well below par. She had him tied in knots and now his work was suffering. Damn it, she was going to tell him what was going on.

Severus packed his books and saw Lily heading out of the library. He rushed to catch up. Maybe she'd know what was going on with his girlfriend.

"Lily!" He called, once past the library's entrance.

She stopped her progress down the corridor and waited for him to catch up, her confusion obvious. Severus considered making idle chatter to lead up to his questions about Avedra, but decided that he'd waited for answers long enough.

"Do you know what's wrong with Avedra?" He asked bluntly.

Lily bit her lower lip and her expression went from confusion to worry. She'd noticed the change in Avedra too. Hell, she'd been on the receiving end of her temper after mentioning how worn Remus looked when returning from his mother's bedside. She shook her head and confided in Severus her worries.

"She hasn't been herself at all lately. Barely eating or sleeping, in fact, when she does sleep she has nightmares. I've heard her crying too. I just assumed you'd had a lovers' spat."

Lily didn't mention the harsh whispered conversations she'd witnessed between Avedra and Black and Potter. Something was definitely wrong with her friend, but she'd honestly thought her and Severus were having a rough patch. A theory Severus quickly dispatched.

"No, we haven't argued at all. Which is odd in itself since we barely go a day without a mild argument and," a faint blush spread across his pale face, "well you know. She just seems so closed off."

While Lily and Severus pondered the sudden changes to their nearest and dearest, the object of their scrutiny was actively avoiding Remus Lupin. It wasn't that she was afraid of him, no nothing so base. It was just that she really couldn't deal with how unfair it was that he was cursed so. She knew if she talked to him face to face she'd burst into tears and he'd think she'd lost her mind. By now she was sure Sirius and James had told him she'd figured his secret out, but she just couldn't handle the truth of it. Add to that the fact her research and practice into Animagus transformation was turning out harder than she'd expected. She felt guilty. This was a way for Remus to have company during his pain and she couldn't seem to make it happen for them. Somewhere along the line, Severus got lost, she couldn't be bothered with him or his needs.

Lost in her thoughts she didn't notice the shadow that fell over her hidden study table in the library. Remus looked down at her pale, drawn face and felt ill. She was afraid of him, of what he was during the full moon. She was so scared that she had lost weight and the dark smudges were deeper beneath her eyes. He had to let her know he wouldn't bother her, that he understood her fears. Maybe then she'd get back to normal.

He cleared his throat lightly and she looked up. Her eyes shone with tears and he felt worse. Great, I've made her cry, he thought. He stood awkwardly staring at her, willing words to come.

"Remus," she whispered and a tear slid down her cheek. "Sit, sit down."

He sat and watched as she hastily brushed her tears away. "Ave, I know that learning about my… illness must have been difficult," he started, searching for words to release her from their friendship.

"It hurt, actually." Her voice sounded hoarse. "You didn't trust me enough to tell me, Remus. I thought we were friends."

She was hurt that he hadn't told her. She wasn't shrinking away from him. He tried to wrap his mind around what was happening. Avedra didn't hate him for what he was, at least she didn't seem to.

"It's not really something I tell people. Usually people figure out that I look sicker from my visits home and sooner or later they realize the visits coincide with the full moon." Remus explained, unsure whether he should offer to end their friendship.

Avedra didn't know what compelled her to do it, but she just felt like touching him, letting him know she wasn't going anywhere. She reached across the table and pulled his hand into hers. His hand was warm in hers. She traced the scars crisscrossing the back of his knuckles, and looked up into his beautiful amber eyes.

"Avedra," he whispered.

"What the bloody hell is going on here?" Severus demanded from the end of the table.

Avedra looked up into his flashing black eyes and knew she couldn't do it anymore


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Severus Snape was furious. First, he'd caught his girlfriend holding Lupin's hand in a dark corner of the library. Then to add insult to injury, she broke up with him. Ended it because it was "too hard to balance school, friends, and a boyfriend." More bloody likely she'd started seeing Lupin behind his back. How could she toss him aside so easily? It was all Potter and Black's fault. He was certain of it. And he'd make them pay.

Remus, blissfully unaware of the plot for the downfall of his friends, was happier than he'd been in a long time. Not since James, Sirius and Peter had learned of his condition and accepted him had he felt this light. The source of his brighter outlook was sitting across the table from him in Gryfindor common room correcting Peter's Transfiguration homework. He watched the candlelight dance off her curls, highlighting the blue black shine. She worried her lower lip and mumbled something about water goblets. He'd never seen anything more lovely.

Avedra felt Remus' eyes on her, but didn't rush to look up. She'd caught him staring at her quite a few times lately and she was still working out how she felt about it. She'd only just ended it with Severus, unable to keep lying by omission, so she shouldn't be thinking anything about anyone right now. Good lord, she didn't want a reputation like some of the other girls, jumping from Quiddich player to Quiddich player. Then there was Severus. He had definitely not taken their breakup well. She was waiting for the quiet fury he'd shown her when she ended it to boil over. James and Sirius were practically jumping at the bit for a reason to hex him. She REALLY didn't need to be thinking about not thinking about Remus right now.

She tried focusing on the parchment in front of her again. Rereading the same sentence four times, she conceded that Peter was making absolutely no sense in his essay. No amount of corrections could salvage this. Nothing short of scrapping it and starting new would fix it. Her mind drifted to Remus' amber eyes, so soft and kind. Stop it, she said to herself, concentrate on the essay. And how warm his hand had been in hers, with calloused fingers and scars lining the back. Groaning she gave Peter's work up for a lost cause. She stretched, arching her back and shaking out her curls. Remus' eyes never left her.

"Something wrong?" His quiet voice asked. She let her eyes meet his and blushed. She shook her head and motioned toward Peter's parchment with a shrug. "That bad?"

"Only if he expects a passing grade. Honestly I can't make sense out of it." She replied, handing the paper to Remus. He read over the first few lines and gave a groan of his own.

"You're right, it's horrible." He handed it back to her, letting his fingers brush hers. Another blush burned on her cheeks.

She nodded and looked around the common room. "Where is Peter, anyway?" She asked, turning back to Remus. Suddenly she was lost in his warm amber eyes and couldn't remember why she was looking for Peter. Her heart pounded and she felt very confused, it was too soon.

"He's probably," Remus started, but Avedra had risen and was piling her books into her arms. "Ave?" He asked, uncertain about her sudden urge to leave.

"I'm sorry, Remus, I just have to," she motioned with her hand and rushed from the table to her dormitory.

Lily was in their dorm getting ready for her prefect duties of patrolling the halls before curfew. She watched her best friend rush to her bed and fall face first onto the pillow. She wasn't sure what was going on with Avedra, but she knew it was something difficult. She still wasn't eating or sleeping well, but at least she wasn't as short with everyone as she had been. Lily had tried to get her to talk about it, but she'd shrugged her off with some excuse about her pre-OWL workload. She'd even broken up with Severus and stopped spending much time with Lily. In fact, the only person she seemed to be spending much time with was Remus. Lily stopped tying the ribbon in her hair. It couldn't be that she and Remus were...No, Ave wouldn't have cheated on Severus. She was just grasping at straws for a cause of Avedra's change.

"Ave," she started, walking closer to the bed. She could hear her crying and she was worried. She couldn't remember the last time Ave was mildly happy. She reached out and put a hand on her shoulder.

Avedra sniffled and turned over on the bed so she was looking at Lily. How she wished she could tell Lily everything that was going on. Why she'd had to break up with Severus. Why Remus always looked so ill after "visiting home". Sure she could talk to James or Sirius, but it wasn't the same as talking to Lily. She knew she was worrying Lily, could see it on her face now. Maybe she could tell her just a little bit, no there was no way to tell a snippet of the story without giving up the trust that the Marauders instilled in her. It was all just too much.

"I'm sorry, Lily," was all she could say before turning her face back to her pillow and letting the feeling of helplessness fill her again.

Lily walked into the common room and made a beeline for Sirius and James sitting in front of the fireplace. The time for answers was now. Whatever was wrong with Avedra had something to do with the Marauders and they were going to give her answers. Something had to be done.

"I want to know what's wrong with Avedra." She said, glaring at James and Sirius in turn.

They looked up in shock at Lily glaring down at them. Remus had walked over from the table he'd shared with Avedra and Peter stood beside James. They all knew that Avedra was strained lately. All knew that she just wasn't herself. She'd been short, tired looking, and if they weren't mistaken, she'd lost weight. Why Lily assumed they knew why was beyond them.

"I can't say I know," James said, looking at Sirius for support.

"I do," Remus said, pulling two chairs over to where James and Sirius sat. "Sit down, Lily, and I'll tell you what I know."

James and Sirius looked more than a little worried. Whatever Remus was going to tell Lily wouldn't be easy, for any of them. Peter looked around and found an empty chair to draw up too.

"First of all, you should know, I'm a werewolf." He said this quickly, as though purging his soul. He was worried about Lily's response, of course, but Avedra was more important at this time. He looked at Lily and was surprised to see tears blurring her eyes.

"Oh, Remus," she whispered, taking his hand. He squeezed it, happy that she wasn't shying away from him.

"Avedra figured it out when Professor Morris set the essay in DADA. That's not the reason she's been drawn, though, she started being strained before she learned about my condition. I noticed it a few weeks ago, when," he looked at James and Sirius and made up his mind. "She's been trying to help James, Sirius, and Peter become Animagus."

Lily looked shocked, but instead of spouting off to them about breaking rules and laws to become unregistered Animagus, she nodded wanting him to go on.

"You remember her going to the hospital wing? She told Madame Pomfrey that Sirius had hexed her. The truth is that she got partially transformed and couldn't turn back. Well, Severus wanted to hex Sirius into the next year, but she lied to him. She told him she asked Sirius to perform the spell on her and it went wrong. That was the first time I realized how much juggling Severus' relationship and the friendship with us was taking a toll on her. She stopped smiling as often. Then she learned about me, well it was a bit much." He stopped, hoping that Lily was understanding.

"But why did she break up with Severus?" Lily asked, still holding Remus' hand. "I mean I know it wasn't easy shuffling you four and him, but I just don't understand."

"I think that might have been partially my fault. I went to Ave, to talk to her after she figured me out. We were in the library and she was crying. I was going to tell her I'd leave her alone, but then she reached out and took my hand. Severus saw." Remus sighed, he hadn't wanted her to break up with Severus, but he couldn't say he wasn't happy that she was single. "I think it was just too much. Another lie to tell him, I know she wouldn't tell him about me, and I guess she couldn't do it anymore."

Sirius and James looked sheepish. They hadn't really noticed the strain that Avedra was under. They hadn't helped it either. Hell, they'd practically cheered when she dumped old Snivellus.

"Why didn't she just talk to me then?" Lily asked, feeling like Avedra could have saved herself some grief if she'd just talked it out.

Remus smiled. "Have you ever known Avedra to break a confidence?"

Lily felt like crying. Her best friend was going through all of this and she'd kept it all to herself. No wonder she wasn't eating or sleeping. Dear Merlin, it was amazing that she could even keep up with her homework with all this stress, but here she was not only keeping up with her own, but helping revise with Peter. And now, instead of going upstairs for a long talk with Avedra, she was due to patrol. Sighing she stood up.

"Why don't I take your patrol tonight, Lily?" Remus offered, seeming to read her worries. "I think Avedra needs you, I'm just sorry I didn't say anything sooner."

Remus walked away, out through the portrait hole to patrol, leaving Lily with the remaining Marauders. They all looked rather guilty. They'd expected too much from Avedra, thinking of how much she usually dealt with. No one thought about how hard it could be on her, she seemed so strong.

"Well, I suppose I should go up and check on Ave." Lily said, standing. Sirius and James rose too, not sure what they could do to help.

"If we can do anything," James offered, his hand on Lily's elbow. For once she didn't shrug it off as though his touch were something foul. She nodded and gave a half hearted smile. Then she walked away, turning to give a small wave before ascending the stairs to her dorm.

"Ave," Lily said, looking at her still form on the bed.

Avedra rolled over again, her eyes swollen from her crying. She sat up as Lily approached and sat beside her on the bed. Lily took her hand and squeezed.

"I know," she said, looking into Ave's eyes and nodding. "I know about Remus. I know about Severus seeing you holding his hand in the library. I know about the Animagus research."

"Oh, Lils," she said with a sob and turned to hug Lily. Finally she could talk to Lily about everything that was eating away at her. "It's been so hard. Knowing about Remus, what he must go through and not being able to tell you. You understand why I couldn't, don't you?"

She sat up and Lily assured her she understood why she couldn't tell her about what was going on. They sat and talked, really talked, now that everything was out in the open. And as they talked, a little of the old Ave showed up. The animated and lively Avedra started to return.

"I can't believe how much you had to hold in, I'm surprised you didn't explode." Lily said as their talk started to wind down. "I mean, now I understand why you couldn't make it work with Severus. How could it? You have so much on your plate already."

"I don't think he understands. I'm scared, Lily. Not of Severus hurting me, but I think he blames James and Sirius. Not to mention how he feels about Remus right now." She bit her lip. If he hurt Remus because of her, she closed her eyes at the thought.

Lily looked thoughtful. She knew that Severus wouldn't let this go easily. Not if he blamed James and Sirius, and she had a funny feeling that Remus had a special place on his hit list. Thinking about Remus brought her back to what she'd thought about earlier.

"Ave, is there anything going on between you and Remus?" Lily asked, remembering how concerned Remus was.

Avedra turned her head. She wasn't entirely sure how to answer that question. Wasn't she just thinking about it being too soon to even consider Remus? But then she thought of his warm eyes, the touch of his hand on hers.

"Ave?" Lily asked, bringing her back to the question at hand.

"We're friends," she said, worrying her lower lip. "Oh, Lils, it's too soon for me to be thinking about Remus isn't it? I mean I just broke up with Severus."

Lily looked at Avedra and realized that this was another issue that had been worrying her friend. She'd noticed how attentive Remus was around Avedra, how he looked at her. She'd also noticed how calm Avedra was around Remus, there wasn't the same push and shove that she'd had with Severus, it seemed easier.

"How do you feel, Ave? About Remus, I mean."

Avedra looked straight into Lily's eyes when she answered. "He's the sweetest person I've ever known, Lil. Of all the people who could be cursed to be a werewolf, it tore me apart to think of him going through that all alone. When I'm with him, regardless of what we're doing, even if we aren't talking, I just feel so peaceful, so safe. It's like I know that he'd never hurt me, and he'd prevent me from being hurt if he could. He's the one who told you, wasn't he?"

A lump had formed in Lily's throat while Avedra described how Remus made her feel. She knew there was more to it than just friendship, even if Ave didn't realize it or was fighting against it. She nodded to her last question, thinking of how worried he'd seemed. How he gave up his own secrets, as well as the Marauders' plans for transforming into animals, just to make it easier on Avedra.

"He sees me, Lil, really sees me. Not just the outside stuff. Not my hair or my face, but he sees ME." When Avedra was talking about Remus her whole face lit up, Lily watched as the weight of the past few months lifted from her face.

"He did tell me everything, from his condition to their plans for Animagus transformation. He's worried about you. He even took my patrol so I could come up here and talk to you." Lily offered.

Tears glistened in Avedra's eyes. He really was the sweetest person she'd ever known. "And when I look at him, I don't see what he becomes, I just see him. His warm eyes, his soft, yet calloused hands. But then I start to think that it's too soon to have these thoughts. I mean, Severus," she started, but Lily stopped her.

"Maybe Severus wasn't meant to be a long term thing. Maybe he was good for you for a time, but Remus is what's good for you now. Did you ever think of that?" Lily asked, holding Avedra's hand.

Avedra shook her head. "It's too soon, Lils. Plus I can't give Severus a reason to attack Remus. I can't put Remus in that position."

"But what if he wants in that position?" Lily asked. "I've seen him look at you, Ave. You'd have to be blind to not see how he feels for you."

"I just don't know," Ave conceded. "Part of me would like nothing more than to kiss him, while another part of me is frightened for him. He has so much to deal with already."

They settled into a comfortable silence. Lily thinking about how Avedra needed Remus more than she knew. Avedra focused on keeping Remus firmly in the role of friend. They didn't notice the owl that flew into the dorm at first. Not until it landed on the bed at their feet did they pay attention. A letter was tied to its foot and Lily unattached it. Not waiting, the bird flew down the stairs and out of sight.

"That's odd, I thought they only delivered during breakfast." Lily said, looking at the parchment to see who it was to. Seeing it addressed to Avedra, she handed it over.

Avedra opened it and read it quickly. She let out a howl of laughter and handed it to Lily. She read down and couldn't hold back her own giggles.

Ave,

I think I know what Sirius' animal is...

A jackass.

James


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Avedra couldn't believe how light she felt. She was finally sleeping better and her appetite picked up a little. And, on top of it all, she could tell Lily everything now. Although, by this point, Lily might wish that she'd keep a little to herself. They sat on their beds in the girls' dormitory having a rather familiar and tiring conversation.

"Ave, if you like him," Lily started, but Avedra put up her hand to stop her.

"I can't, Lil. What if," and she couldn't believe she was saying this, "Severus isn't taking this as well as you think. I can't have Remus be a target because of me." She shivered remembering the look in Severus' eyes when she'd broken up with him. She'd never seen his dark eyes look so cold and dead.

Lily shook her head. "I'm telling you, I don't think Severus could be dangerous. I mean, sure, his friends in Slytherin aren't exactly my cup of tea, but he's friends with me, a Mudblood, for crying out loud."

Avedra sighed and laid back on her bed. "You didn't see him when I told him. I was frightened, not for myself, but for James and Sirius. You could almost see him turning over how it was their fault. Add to that that he saw me holding Remus' hand and you can see why I'm not exactly ready to start waving a red flag in front of the bull."

"And you don't see how Remus looks at you, or how you look at him." Lily offered, laying back on her own bed. "I'm almost embarrassed to witness it."

Avedra slid her hand under her pillow and heaved it across the bed toward Lily. "We are not that bad."

Lily giggled, tossing the pillow back. "And James and Sirius thought you and Severus cooed like lovesick pigeons. I wonder what they say about you two. Poor Remus."

Avedra grinned in spite of herself. Poor Remus, indeed. Although they were careful not to do anything to her, she knew they saw how attentive Remus was. How he always seemed to be right where she needed him to be, usually by her side. She could only imagine the ribbing he took from those two Neanderthals.

She sighed again. And that's all it was, a tease. She couldn't bring herself to allow more than firm friendship to Remus, no matter what she'd like to happen. She thought of his warm amber eyes and how warm they were when he looked into hers. How they both found little ways to touch each other, from passing parchment to a quick touch of fingers when they passed a quill. The thought that Severus would make him suffer more than he already did stopped her from letting her hand fall into his, from letting her fingers brush his hair out of his eyes. They stopped her from letting her lips touch his. She groaned. Thoughts like these helped nothing.

"You know you want to," Lily said in a sing song voice.

"Shut up, Lily" She mumbled through the pillow she covered her face with. She could hear Lily's giggles start up again.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Avedra opened the door that magically appeared in the wall across from a really hideous tapestry of a troll in a tutu. She rolled her eyes at the "art" and walked into the now familiar room. The wall sconces gave off subtle light and their were cushions all over the floor and a door sized mirror along one wall. Soft, in case she fell over while focusing on transfiguring and helpful so she knew how far she progressed. She walked slowly around the small, comfortable room relaxing herself before giving the Animagus transformation another go.

She'd been coming here for the past two weeks, nearly every night. Finally she knew how to return to human form from her half phased states, so there had been no return visits to Madame Pomfrey and no more point loss from Gryfindor. Her mind slowed and quieted. She was nearly ready to give it another go. The last time she'd gotten the four legs, the tail, and the ears, but nothing else. This time she was ready. She'd definitely make it all the way.

She closed her eyes and focused on the incantation that went along with the transfiguration. The books said once you got used to changing, the incantation wasn't needed as much, that then it would be second nature. She felt her ears lengthening, hair sprouting on her face, and her tail growing. Soon she was on all fours on the floor. She felt her hands and feet shrinking, felt the paws forming. Then, for the first time, she felt her nose become a snout. She opened her eyes and a her shoulders hunched into a crouch. There, in the mirror, stood a beautiful grey wolf with cool green eyes stared back at her. She opened her mouth to try to speak and only a whine escaped. She turned and looked over her shoulder. Yes, she was finally a complete wolf.

The doorknob turned and the door opened. "Ave?" A soft voice whispered, before a familiar sandy haired head appeared. She whined again, drawing Remus' attention to her position on the floor. His eyes lit up and he smiled widely as he walked all the way in the room and closed the door. "You did it!"

Remus felt his stomach turn in a knot. It was like the creature within him could see Avedra's new form too. And he...liked it.

She stood taller and walked toward him, her ears perked. He waited, watching her movements. When she was in front of him, she nuzzled his hand with her nose and he chuckled. He ran his hand over her head, touching her like he could never do when she was human. She stiffened, listening to the sounds outside the door. James, Sirius, and Peter were coming.

Sirius was the first in the door. He slid past Remus and his eyes landed on Avedra's wolf form. He let out a low whistle, which made Avedra whimper. "Sorry, Ave." He said, taking in the fact that she finally did it. James could barely contain his enthusiasm when he saw her, but when she growled at his exuberance he quieted down. Only Peter looked at her cautiously, as though she might suddenly find slightly chubby boys tasty.

They each touched her head, awestruck that she'd finally done it. Sure, Professor McGonagall had changed in front of them during class, but it was different for one of them to do it. And all on her own too.

"So, Ave, can you change back?" Sirius asked, looking down at her with his head tilted.

She whined again and stepped back. They watched as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Slowly the ears moved back and the snout receded. The paws elongated into hands and feet and the tail disappeared into her body. Within seconds, where once stood a proud grey wolf, now stood their friend Avedra.

"Whoa," James said quietly, wondering if any of the change hurt. "Did, -er, did that hurt at all?"

Avedra grinned at the four quiet boys before answering with a quick shake of her head. "Doesn't hurt a bit. Well, there's some tingling, but it doesn't hurt at all."

She flexed her fingers and already wanted to try again. She loved that Remus could touch her when she was a wolf, that there wasn't the unspoken boundary that she kept firmly in place the rest of the time. She shut her eyes again, wondering if having an audience would make it harder. She concentrated on the incantation and the tingly feeling. When she opened her eyes again, she was a wolf once more. She shut her eyes again and quicker than the first time she was human again.

"It gets easier. And it helps if you're confident." She added, looking at Peter. "So what's the choices on animals, boys?"

Sirius grinned back at her and she wondered for a moment if he wasn't going to pick a peacock. James looked a little more serious and Peter downright terrified.

"I'm thinking a dog," Sirius said. "It's simple, and it could be easily explained as a loose stray."

Avedra smirked at his theory that a dog would be simple. The wolf was damn near impossible for awhile. She had to give him credit on the choice, however, it could be easily explained and she doubted he'd end up dinner for one of Hagrid's pets. She nodded at him and tilted her head toward James.

"I've chosen a stag. Definitely simple reason for being found on the grounds and I think I can handle the transfiguring. I mean, not to brag," he grinned, knowing that everyone knew how well he did in Transfiguration.

Avedra grinned back. If anyone could manage the task ahead it was James and Sirius. Peter, she thought looking at the uncertain boy, well she hoped Peter wouldn't pick something that he'd have no chance at becoming.

"So, Peter, what's your choice?" She asked kindly.

"A rat." He said simply, blushing.

"Good choice," she said, thinking at least it shouldn't be harder than a wolf. And it was definitely explainable. "Ok, we should start tomorrow. Meet me here at seven, that'll give us a few hours to work on the theory and maybe to start trying to transform."

The boys nodded their agreement. It seemed like it had taken Avedra forever to figure it all out, but she'd obviously gotten the hang of it finally. And if anyone could teach Peter, it was Ave. She was infinitely patient with him.

James and Sirius threw themselves down on the cushions on the floor. They had nearly a half an hour until curfew so they decided to relax a bit in the den Avedra turned the room into. Usually, when they used it, it was more of a second common room with less furniture.

"So Ave, how does it feel? I mean when you're the wolf." James asked as Peter sat down on one of the cushions.

Avedra thought about it as she sunk down onto her own cushion while Remus picked one near her. She bit her lip and closed her eyes. What did it feel like?

"It felt, it felt like..." she trailed off. She couldn't describe it to them. How it felt to finally be able to look at Remus. How it felt when his hands touched her. She swallowed. No, that was definitely not something she could tell them. "I guess it felt pretty free. Like there were no worries for that little bit of time."

They nodded and Peter still looked a little doubtful. She gave him a reassuring smile and he slowly returned it. It really would be much easier if he felt a little more confident.

They sat and talked over the simple needs for the transformation. Emphasizing confidence and calm, so Peter would hopefully take it to heart. She found herself wishing Lily would have been up for doing this too, then she'd feel complete in this little room. But Prefect Lily Evans would not break the rules. Luckily she also wouldn't turn in her friends who were breaking the rules.

As the group broke up to go back to the common room, Remus hung back, waiting for her. She wished, oh it didn't matter what she wished, she was not going to put him in more danger than he already was. No matter how many beats her heart skipped when she looked up into his amber eyes. She gave a small sigh as they started their quiet walk back to Gryfindor tower.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"No, Peter, you have to concentrate on getting your tail to diminish." Avedra hoped her voice wasn't showing her impatience with her pupil. "Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and focus on the tingling."

This was not going well. It had been one full week of trial and error. One week in which James had caught right on to the incantation and transfiguring without hardly any practice. His stag was pretty impressive. But it was touch or go to get him back to human. A week worth of lessons during which Sirius bounded through the room as a big black dog. And the scare of the tail that wouldn't go away. What was it with these boys and losing the tail?

Peter stood in front of her with his eyes squinted shut and concentrating so hard she was afraid he might pass a Quaffle. Still, she looked beyond him at the thin rat tail that would not go away. Wait, was that a twitch or did it start to disappear? Damn it, a twitch. She pinched the bridge of her nose and forced herself to speak calmly.

"Peter, please remember. If you go to the Hospital Wing one more time with animal parts, Madame Pomfrey is going to flay James and Sirius alive. And then McGonagall is going to serve the parts to me for dinner." She took a deep breath, as though calming herself would calm the boy in front of her. "Now concentrate. Do you feel the tingling?"

Peter, eyes still firmly shut and breathing erratically nodded. She wondered if he was tingly from transfiguration or from hyperventilation.

"Ok, now force the tingle into your tail. Can you do that? Push it with your mind into your tail." She watched as he clenched his hands into fists and his face started turning purple. She was about to stop him, when she realized it was working. His tail was disappearing slowly into his body. "That's it, Peter. Just a little bit more."

Finally the tail receded to nothingness, but Peter kept the strained look on his face until she reminded him to breathe. He let his breath out in a rush and opened his eyes.

"Did it work?" He asked, turning his head to try to look behind him.

"Yes, that was perfect." She enthused. After an hour of trying to get the tail to disappear she could stand to feel a little joy. "I think you're starting to get the hang of it. Maybe tomorrow you'll be able to turn completely to a rat."

"Thanks, Avedra. I know I'm not good at this." He said, looking down at the cushions.

She shook her head. No wonder he was having such a hard time. He didn't think he could do it.

"Peter, you can do this. I know you can. You just have to get rid of that voice inside you that keeps saying you're not good at it. Let that go, and you'll have no problem at all." She moved toward the door with a glance at her watch she started rushing. "Oh no, we're five minutes from curfew. Hurry, Peter, get out of here."

They both started running down the hall toward the staircase. Hopefully none would change and they'd make it up to the tower without being caught by Filch. They ran up the staircase, or they started to run, but Peter forgot the disappearing stair and his foot sunk up to his ankle. Avedra rushed to him and tried pulling with all her weight, but it was no use, he was too heavy to budge. They heard someone coming and Avedra hoped with all her might it would be Remus or Lily. A swirl of black robes came around the corner and all hope left her. It was Severus.

He stared at her for a minute, eyes hard then he looked at Peter and she could almost see the triumph in his eyes. Finally he caught a Marauder very near to breaking curfew. She looked at her watch. Nope, breaking curfew.

He took his time walking to them, seeming to savor his victory. "What have we here? Is this two Gryfindors out past curfew? My, my, let's see, what should your punishment be? I could call Filch, I'm sure he'd have all sorts of gruesome ideas in store for you both." He took care to include Avedra in the threats, showing her once and for all that she was right about him not taking the breakup well. In fact, he looked like he had no recollection of their ever having anything other than animosity between them. "No, I think I can deal with you. I think I know, how about fifty points..."

Peter gasped and Avedra glared.

"From both of you. Yes, I think that should make Gryfindor take into account what flaunting the rules will gain, or in this case, lose for the house. Now, I suggest, you get back to your common room, before Filch catches you." He turned and stalked away.

Probably going to find Filch so he can lecture us on the advantages of the use of thumbscrews on misbehaving children. Great, Avedra thought, tugging more urgently on Peter. Just what we need. More trouble. She heard footsteps on the stairs ahead of her. She grimaced before looking up, but needn't have. There, coming toward her like the rescuer he was, was Remus. He went straight for Peter and grasping his knee jerked him free of the trick step. He patted him on the back and pushed him forward. Peter took the cue and started up the stairs.

"Thank goodness it's you," Avedra said gratefully. She gave him a smile as they started up the stairs. "Sev-Snape caught us. He took a hundred points and went to look for Filch I think." Remembering that the old caretaker could be hot on their trail she started faster up the stairs.

Remus kept pace, rushing with her until they were at the portrait hole. He stepped back when she offered the password and started to back away, back to his patrolling.

"Remus, wait," Avedra said, not wanting him to go yet. He stopped, but didn't walk back to her. "I just wanted to say thank you again. You really are a lifesaver."

He smiled and started to say it was nothing, but she spoke again.

"Not just tonight. I mean, you always seem to be there when I need you most. And I want you to know I appreciate it." She was struggling with the words. So much for being verbose, she thought. She was near tears thinking just how true her words were. He was always there, maybe not as loudly there as Sirius or James, but he was there. He saw her, the real her.

She took a step forward and so did he. She looked into his eyes and the next thing she knew she was in his arms. He hugged her to him and she closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of his strong arms around her. She nuzzled her nose into his chest and inhaled his earthy smell. It felt so right to be in his arms, against him, that she pulled her head back and looked up at his face. For once, she wasn't thinking about how much danger he would be in with Severus. She didn't think about anything, but touching his lips as she stood on tiptoe to reach. He sensed what she wanted and lowered his head, his lips brushing hers. Her eyes closed and she sighed, deepening the kiss.

A slow clapping interrupted her dizzy thoughts of how his lips felt on hers, how he tasted. They pulled apart, and turned to see the cold, black stare of Severus Snape standing next to a practically salivating Filch.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Avedra sighed. This was NOT how she imagined spending the afterglow of kissing Remus. She looked at the disapproving face of Professor McGonagall and nearly groaned. Of course, Filch would think that the best punishment would be to inform our head of house. It didn't come until he was through threatening everything from the rack to the chains in the dungeon, but he finally said that it was out of his hands. If we were going to paw all over each other like wild beasts he'd give us over to our keeper. And then, as if it weren't bad enough the first time, he gave gory details to Professor McGonagall while Remus and I sat three feet apart in the two chairs in front of her desk.

The old codger was finally finished with his rant on the severe lacking in a school system that wouldn't allow students to be drawn and quartered, when Professor McGonagall dismissed him. Sev-Snape hadn't stuck around past the point of the unlocking of our lips. He'd stalked off to his snake's den probably. And to think, Avedra thought, I stopped Sirius from hexing him to next year.

"Well," Professor McGonagall started, sitting down at her desk. "I cannot begin to explain how disappointed I am with the two of you. Especially you, Remus, a Prefect no less. You both are well aware that no one is to be out of their house common room or dormitories after curfew. However," as she said this, she lowered her glasses to the desk. "As you've already been punished for being out past curfew, Miss Luster, I will not be taking anymore points from Gryfindor. And, as Mr. Filch obviously forgot, there are no school rules that make it prohibited to show affection, I see no reason to punish you for your, well your..." She looked uncomfortable. Great, at least we're not the only ones, Avedra thought. "So you'll be going straight back to the common room, Miss Luster. Save saying goodnight for when Mr. Lupin comes in from patrolling."

They were dismissed. Without more points being removed. Without an uncomfortable talk about the birds and the bees from their severe head of house. Thankful beyond words, but giving their thanks anyway, they made their way out of the office and back to the portrait hole. Remus grabbed her hand before she stepped through and brought it to his lips.

"You don't have to wait up," he said, letting her hand fall. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight, Remus." Avedra whispered, before creeping into the common room.

She glided toward the chairs in front of the fire and sprawled out in the nearest empty one, not noticing who was sitting near her. Then she started to run the scene over in her head, until a subdued shout interrupted her as Remus was ducking his head.

"Oy, aren't you going to tell us what happened?" James asked, he was sitting in the chair beside hers. "Peter said Snape caught you, but that Remus came and got him unstuck, so where the bloody hell have you been for the past half an hour?"

A half an hour? That's all it took? Wow, she thought it had been at least an hour. She started to drift again, but Sirius smacked her on one of her dangling legs.

"Hey, that hurt!" She admonished, rubbing her leg. "What?"

"Well, James asked you where you've been for the past half hour, what with Snivellus stalking around hoping Filch gets to chain you in the basement for him. Did he succeed? Or..." Suddenly a light went off in his head. Remus rescued them and Peter last saw them together. His mouth turned into a knowing grin. It's about damn time, he thought. He was certain he knew where she'd spent the last half hour and he envied Remus for a minute when he looked at Avedra. Who wouldn't want to snog her? Ok, James didn't count.

"Ohhhhh," he said with a wink. "I think I know where you've been, with REMUS." He shared a look with James that showed that he just caught on too.

Avedra rolled her eyes. Honestly, boys. They put two and two together and get five. Then again, if Snape and Filch hadn't showed up. Her mind wandered again to the snickers of her own personal peanut gallery.

"OK, OK. Calm down, you two." Peter was looking around a little confused until James whispered something in his ear, then he got a matching smirk on his face. "Or three. We actually got caught. Outside the portrait hole. By Snape and Filch."

"And Remus still has all his body parts?" Sirius asked, concerned. He knew that Snape wasn't going to let the fact that he and Avedra were broken up stop him from cursing whichever Marauder body happened to be nearest hers.

"Yes, Snape left after he saw, but Filch told us in detail how he'd punish us for our lewdness. Then he took us to Professor McGonagall." She started blushing. It was bad enough that Snape and Filch saw, but then to drag the teacher into it.

Sirius nearly choked from holding in the laughter. James coughed to mask his. Peter just grinned. And Avedra sighed. Could their first kiss have been more awkward? Ok, technically the kiss itself wasn't awkward. It was amazingly natural. And it was _good_. But the aftershocks were pretty terrible.

She blushed thinking about seeing Professor McGonagall in class in the morning. Or, heaven forbid, Filch. And the blush turned to anger when she thought of Snape. How dare he, she thought, but she knew he wasn't going to take it well. Sighing she stood up to go to the dorm.

"Aren't you going to wait for Remus?" Sirius snickered.

She glared at him. "No, Remus said he'd see me in the morning. And I've been working extra to help Peter change so I need a little rest." She whispered back.

She trudged up to the dorm letting her mind wander back to the minute his lips were on hers and was nearly lightheaded when she made it to her bed. She completely forgot why kissing Remus was a bad idea. All she could think about now was how she wanted to do it again, properly.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Avedra looked at her reflection in the mirror. She looked a lot better than she had looked in a long time. The dark smudges under her eyes were lightening, she was gaining back a little of the weight she'd lost through worry. Her skin was practically glowing this morning and she knew who she could thank for that. Remus. It was all because of him.

She turned from the mirror and walked back into the dormitory where Lily was picking up her bag. She grinned at her best friend and picked up her own bag.

Lily smiled back and said, "I told you so."

"You did," Ave agreed, walking to the doorway. "And you were so very right."

"I know," Lily said smugly.

They started to walk downstairs when the stairs turned into a slide and their feet were knocked out from under them. They slid down, bumping into each other and their bags slamming into their bodies. At the bottom they collided with the boys standing there, creating a pile of bodies and a traffic jam. Another girl, apparently she'd been behind them, slid into the mess.

"Ouch," Avedra said, trying to untangle herself from the other bodies.

"Avedra?" Remus' voice sounded concerned and she looked up to find him standing to the side, outside the mangle of limbs. "Are you ok?"

She considered this. Was she ok? No, she felt like she was trapped in a huge patch of Devil's Snare. She wasn't hurt, though, nothing above a bruise or two. She looked at the other participants in the tangle and realized James and Sirius were involved. Of course they were.

"I'm fine. Help, please," She said, raising an arm. He took her hand and tugged her free of the pile. Then he went in for Lily. James and Sirius managed to finally stand up on their own. James offered the second year that had tumbled down after them a hand.

Lily rounded on James and Sirius, glaring suspiciously. "Why were you two trying to get upstairs?"

James grinned. He loved watching Lily angry. Or happy. Or...ok he liked watching Lily. Sirius had a mischievous smirk on his face.

"We thought we'd hurry Avedra along a little. She was keeping Remus waiting." Sirius said, as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

"So having a pileup at the bottom of the stairs hurried her up?" Lily raised an eyebrow and James felt his heart skip a beat.

"Well, yeah. She got downstairs faster." James said.

"Lucky for you none of us broke anything, you prat." Lily turned and walked toward the portrait hole. She turned and caught Remus taking Avedra's hand. "You guys coming to breakfast?"

Avedra's days at Hogwarts were definitely improving. The professors were still bombarding them with homework, enough that several fifth years already had stints in the hospital wing. And Filch rarely passed her without muttering words like "harlot" and "scarlet woman" under his breath. Then there was the new hex war going on between James, Sirius, and Severus. None of that mattered, however, now that she had Remus.

Even if they spent the entire time studying, there was something about having him near her. And now, if she felt the urge to brush his hair out of his eyes or to touch the back of his hand, she could and did. James and Sirius were showing a restraint she never knew they possessed in not teasing the two of them about their cooing or snogging.

She looked down at the essay she was writing, or should be writing instead of thinking about her wonderful boyfriend. She turned a page in her Defense Against the Dark Arts book and scribbled down a little bit more about vampires. She rounded out her thought and rolled up the parchment. She sighed and stretched. Putting her books, parchment, quill, and ink back in her bag, she looked around the common room.

Sirius and James were in front of the fire conspiring about one of two things. Either they were making plans to wreck havoc in Snape's life or they were trying to figure out how to pick away at Lily's defenses. Peter sat in the shadows, listening intently and nodding now and then. Remus was patrolling and wasn't due back for another hour. The other chairs and sofas held lounging students, either too young for the overload of homework or older and acting above it all. Lily was either in the library or upstairs.

She shouldered her bag and went upstairs to get rid of it. Lily was lounging on her bed, a parchment in front of her and biting on her quill.

"Still working on the vampire essay?" She asked as she tossed her bag down on her trunk. She considered getting out of her school robes and wondered if lounging around in pajamas waiting for Remus was a good idea.

Lily looked up and took the quill out of her mouth. "What? No, not the vampire essay. I'm working on Transfiguration. Are you planning on registering as an Animagus?"

Avedra stopped removing her robe. "I don't know. I guess I should." She considered it, it was illegal to be unregistered, but if she registered would she have to give away Sirius, James, and Peter?

"Yeah, you should." Lily said, putting down her quill and rolling up her parchment. "So should the others. You think you could convince them?"

Avedra pulled her pajamas out of her trunk, taking her time in answering. She didn't want to convince them. It was up to the boys whether they wanted to register or not.

"I don't think so, Lil. I mean, I'll end up doing it because of Mum's job at the Ministry, but I can't make the guys do anything." She took the pajamas and walked into the dormitory bathroom. No one was inside, so she took her time getting undressed and redressed. She washed her face and brushed her teeth. Then she pulled her hair up into a ponytail.

She walked back to their room and saw that Lily was poised to argue her point. She sighed and listened while Lily went on about the possibility of getting expelled or arrested. Lily didn't understand. Avedra didn't want to tell the boys what to do. It wasn't her place.

"Look, I understand what you're saying. And I will register, this summer. My mum won't think it's odd I've learned and neither will Professor McGonagall. But as for Sirius, James, and Peter, that's up to them." Lily nodded, not appeased, but understanding that Avedra wasn't going to harp to them.

Avedra turned toward the door, but Lily stopped her. "Ave, don't you want your bathrobe and slippers?"

"I always lounge in the common room in my pajamas," she said, raising an eyebrow.

Lily nearly rolled her eyes. "Yes, but now you and Remus are together and don't you think you should have more layers on while you're, while you're..." She stopped, struggling for words.

"Cavorting?" Ave offered, grinning. She couldn't believe that Lily was turning prude on her.

"Well, yes," she said, picking up Avedra's robe and bringing it to her. Avedra took it, putting it on to pacify her maternal best friend.

"Better?" She asked, striking a pose and giggling.

"I guess," Lily said, uncertain.

"Oh, Lils. It's Remus we're talking about. He's the most gentlemanly boy we've ever met. Now if I was seeing Sirius, I'd understand if you outfitted me in one of the suits of armor, but this is Remus." She grinned at the ridiculousness of it.

Lily sighed and nodded her head. "You're right. Remus you can trust. Sirius has too many hands."

With that Avedra turned and walked barefoot down the stairs to wait for her gentleman.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Avedra and Remus were walking hand in hand toward Hogsmeade during the last weekend before winter break. James and Sirius were wandering idly in front of them, talking over the Remus' last transformation a few days earlier and the adventure they had wandering the Forbidden Forest as a ragtag band of beasts. Professor McGonagall had given Peter a detention for not turning in his Transfiguration homework the day before. Lily had left early with a promise to meet Avedra later at the Three Broomsticks.

"This is nice," Remus said, looking over at his, dare he believe it, girlfriend.

She smiled and squeezed his hand. "I think it's more than nice, but are you sure you're up for a long day? I know you're tired after..."

He raised their hands and kissed her gloved knuckles. "I can't think of any place I'd rather be."

"Oy, lovebirds," Sirius shouted back at them. "Fancy a warm drink before shopping, or are you two planning a rendevous at Madame Puddifoots?"

Remus rolled his eyes and looked at Avedra. Would she want to go to Madame Puddifoots? He knew a lot of the other girls were always squawking about how romantic it was, and if she wanted to he'd chance it for her.

"We don't have to go to the tea shop," Avedra said with a grin. "It's popularity is overrated."

"You've been?" Remus asked, carefully quieting his jealousy.

She chuckled and nodded. "Yes, just because it took you five years to realize I was a girl, doesn't mean other boys were so slow."

He racked his brain to recall who she'd gone out with, but she was right, he hadn't thought of her as a girl until this year so his memory wasn't helping. He wanted to know who she'd dated before him, who'd gotten to kiss her first.

"Snape?" He asked, incredulous of the thought of Severus Snape in Madame Puddifoot's Tea Shop.

She shook her head. "No, not him. Frank Longbottom took me there third year, it was before he realized how much he liked Alice. And Amos Diggory last year." She blushed remembering that Amos wasn't only older, he'd been more experienced and had pushed for more from her than she was willing to give.

Remus saw her blush and wondered if it had been Frank or Amos that had gotten the first kiss. He felt proprietorial with her, like she was his and his alone. Maybe it was the primal beast he became every month dripping into his personality, but he hated the thought of there being anyone else.

"So, uh, who was your first?" He asked as they trailed behind his two friends.

Avedra blushed beet red. He thought she'd, that she'd... Of course he didn't, this was Remus. He must mean something else.

"My first what exactly?" She asked, hoping the cold air would kill the flame of her skin.

"Your first kiss. Who was your first kiss?" What else did she think he meant? Oh, that. She wouldn't have. Not yet. Would she?

"Oh, well I kissed Frank on the cheek. It never went beyond that. Amos, well Amos was a little harder to fend off." She remembered comparing him to the giant squid, only harder to get away from.

He nodded. Harder to fend off? Suddenly he wished that Diggory hadn't graduated last year. He wished he was there to Remus could box him around his ears for, well for snogging Avedra first.

"You know, there's only been three boys that I've really kissed. And out of all three of them, you're the best by far." She said, squeezing his hand again.

The animal within him purred. She was saying he was the best, that she liked him best. Somehow Diggory didn't matter anymore, neither did Snape. All that mattered was that Avedra was his now.

"So have you two decided?" James asked as they came into the village. "Drinks with your two favorite people, or stuck in the snogfest that is Madame Puddifoot's?"

Avedra looked at Remus and he realized she was letting him decide. She hadn't sounded like she'd liked the tea shop, so he nodded to James to lead on. It didn't matter where they were anyway as long as they were together.

Severus Snape watched as Avedra strolled hand in hand with Lupin. She was practically glowing next to him. Had she ever looked so alive when they were together? At the beginning he was sure there had been a spark, that she'd lit up the same way. It was the end that she was different. Drawn, worn, and short tempered. He grinded his teeth as she went onto her tiptoes to deliver a kiss to Lupin's lips.

He saw a flash of red out of the corner of his eye and turned. Lily was walking into Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop. His stomach did it's usual flop at the sight of her. Five years and she still made his stomach do somersaults. He'd thought dating Avedra would have tempered that reaction, but it hadn't. It made no matter. Lily didn't look at him that way. His only consolation was that she didn't look at Potter that way either.

He turned back to watch Avedra, the lying trollop. She'd cheated on him, made him the laughing stock of her friends no doubt. It was probably all an elaborate plot that Black and Potter created. They'd pay for it. Sooner or later, he thought with a smirk, they'd pay for it.

"I'm going to miss you dreadfully." Avedra whispered as she sat snuggling Remus on his lap.

He kissed her hair and smiled. "It's not like we'll be apart for months, it's only a few weeks."

"Yes, but I won't get to do this." She said, turning to bury her nose against his neck, breathing his earthy scent in before planting little kisses and nibbles on his skin. "Or this," she whispered, flicking her tongue against his earlobe.

He tensed and let out a ragged breath. Gods she was torture at times. She wiggled in his lap and he thought he was going to go mad.

"Remus," she whispered against his skin, turning in his lap until she straddled him. She took her hands in hers and moved them to her waist. Then she looked up and locked her cool green eyes on his amber eyes. She rocked against his obvious hardness and he went rigid.

Dear Merlin, they were in the middle of the common room. "Avedra," he said in what he hoped was a strict tone. He thought he sounded a little wavering. He tightened his grip on her waist and held her still. Then he looked around the common room and realized they were alone.

She grinned at him and leaned forward to brush her lips against his. He moved a hand up to cradle the back of her head as he deepened the kiss. With his grip on her waist good as gone, she returned to rocking against him. Soon between the kisses and the motion of her hips they were both breathing harder.

"Avedra?" Lily's voice called from the stairs.

"Yes?" Avedra called back a little shakily.

"Oh, I was wondering," Lily said as she walked into the common room. She saw Avedra straddling Remus and turned a fetching shade of red. "If you were coming to bed." She finished lamely.

Avedra bit her lip to keep from laughing. Oh Gods, she'd told Lily that she didn't have to worry about Remus and here they were in a very compromising position. One of her own making, so it really wasn't Remus they needed to worry about.

"You probably should get to bed," Remus said, sounding pretty normal given the way he'd been panting not a minute before. "Early morning with the holidays and all."

"You're right," Avedra answered, turning back and planting a kiss on his lips. "I'll see you in the morning."

Lily had turned and started up the stairs as Avedra stood up. Dear Merlin, she thought looking at a thoroughly disheveled Remus, they looked like they had a tumble. His hair was looking oddly like James' and his robes were wrinkled and bunched, especially in his lap. I did that, she thought feeling a little powerful and a lot in love. She took his hand and helped him up. He leaned down for one more kiss before walking her to the stairs of her dormitory.

"I'll see you in the morning," he said, smiling down at her.

Avedra waved and walked upstairs, feeling a lot like floating. She reached her dorm and turned to the bathroom to brush her teeth. She looked at herself in the mirror and couldn't believe that it was really her. She definitely didn't look like the inferius that she was passing for a few weeks ago. Being in love seemed to agree with her.

Lily stepped into the room behind her and was still a little pink. Poor girl, she's probably scarred for life, Avedra thought. She smiled at her friend while applying toothpaste to her toothbrush. She was sure she was in for a lecture, but couldn't find it in her to care.

"Ave," Lily said, sounding a little exasperated.

"I know, I know. It was a bad thing you walked in on," Avedra said before sticking her toothbrush in her mouth.

"Yes, it was, but well," Lily seemed to be having an issue with finding the right words. Lily Evans speechless. That's a new one.

Avedra continued brushing, unsure of what Lily wanted to say and definitely incapable of helping her along with it. She spit and then gargled while Lily continued to think.

"Remus is," Lily started, then stopped. She was struggling. "I mean, the two of you are..."

"We're dating," Avedra said, nodding her head. "Which means that sometimes we decide to physically show each other how we feel."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Yes, I know that, but aren't you worried that it'll go too far?"

That gave Avedra a pause. Too far? Could there be a too far with Remus? It didn't feel like they could ever go far enough. She thought about it for a minute, thought about where things could have led downstairs and wondered if she would consider it too far. She shook her head. No, definitely not too far.

"No, Lils, I don't think it will. For one, Remus is still the perfect gentleman." Lily raised an eyebrow, obviously remembering downstairs. "He is, that was pretty much, well that was me. And Lily, I'm not sure there is a 'too far' with Remus."

Lily looked taken aback by that. "That was YOU downstairs?" She realized she'd raised her voice and dropped to little above a whisper. "You're lucky you were alone. Anyone could have walked in. Hell, I did walk in."

Avedra blushed. "Yeah, I know. I was there. And I knew before I started anything that we were alone. I'm not an exhibitionist."

"Ave, are you, are you planning on going all the way with Remus?" Lily asked in a rush.

Avedra bit her lip. Was she planning that? Well she wasn't exactly planning it, but she definitely wasn't against the idea. Remus made her feel safe, loved, and more than a little passionate. If Lily hadn't walked in tonight, there's a good possibility she'd be leaving a little lighter for home. Missing one hymen, she thought.

"I'm not planning anything," Avedra said honestly. "It's just, with Remus everything feels right. Like this is where I'm supposed to be, he's who I'm supposed to be with. It doesn't feel temporary."

Lily watched her friend carefully. She was being sincere, this wasn't the same unsure feeling she had with Severus. With him, everything had been evaluated, weighed, measured. And she could see the change in Avedra since she started seeing Remus. She just looked more alive now, happier, content. She was sure of Remus, of her relationship with him.

"If you're sure," Lily said, shrugging.

"I am, I'm sure about Remus." Avedra answered, smiling.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Remus stowed his trunk in the compartment James and Sirius had found for them on the train and went back outside to the platform. He needed to say goodbye to his parents and he wanted to wait for Avedra. The holidays had felt longer than he thought possible without her. She'd owled him every few days and sent his Christmas present along, but it paled in comparison to holding her in his arms.

"Bye Mum, Dad, "Remus said, giving them both a hug.

"Bye Remus, take care of yourself and make sure you study hard, OWLs are this year." His mum said, patting his cheek.

"I know, trust me, I know." He said, smiling at his mum. She was an amazing woman, dealing with his lycanthropy, nursing him after transformations and keeping him sane.

"And remember you're a Prefect. I know how close you are to James and Sirius, but make sure you stick out of trouble this year." His dad said with an eye crinkling grin. His dad still felt guilty about the attack that had changed Remus' life, no matter how many times Remus tried to tell him otherwise.

"Remus!" A familiar and welcome voice called. He turned and saw Avedra rushing toward him, pulling an older woman along behind her. "Mum," she said, when the woman was standing beside her a little out of breath. "This is Remus Lupin. Remus, this is my mother Calligenia Lustra."

Remus shook Mrs. Lustra's hand. "It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Lustra."

She smiled at him and said, "It's Ms. Lustra, Remus, but you can call me Calli."

He smiled back and turned to introduce his parents to Avedra. His mother's smile was blinding and his father looked rather surprised at his son's luck. Then his parents introduced themselves to Ms. Lustra. He wondered if Avedra's mother knew about his condition. He didn't know much about her, other than her work in research and the creation of new spells and charms. He realized that Avedra didn't speak about her mother much and never her father.

The train whistle blew, alerting their party to the time. Avedra and Remus were bustled onto the train with hugs and waving. They waved at their parents until they couldn't see them any longer. Then they turned to find the compartment James and Sirius had saved. Remus opened the door for Avedra, then dropped a kiss on her lips amid wolf whistles from his friends.

"I'm sorry, I have to go do Prefect duty." He apologized.

"I know, it's ok." Avedra smiled. "I'll save a seat for you for later. Tell Lily I said 'hello'." He smiled and nodded before turning toward the Prefect compartment. Avedra turned and saw her companions for the trip mimicking the kiss Remus had given her before leaving. She rolled her eyes and sat down next to Sirius. "Keep that up and they'll be stories about what you and James do in the privacy of your dormitory."

Sirius looked scandalized by that thought and stopped pretending to drop kisses onto James' lips. James turned a nice shade of scarlet and flopped back in his seat. Peter caught the implication and turned a snort into a sneeze at the looks on James and Sirius' faces.

Avedra settled back into her seat and smiled. She'd missed them, not as much as she'd missed Remus, but she definitely missed harassing them. "Oh and thank you guys for bringing in my trunk."

"So any new spells or charms to wow us with?" James asked when his color went back to normal.

Avedra frowned. For once the answer was no. Her mother had been preoccupied over the holidays and it had thrown her off her own researching too, even though Remus had bought her the perfect addition to her private library.

"No, things were a little odd at home," she said.

"Tell me about it," James said. "There was an attack near our house over Christmas. Never thought I'd see the Dark Mark that close."

"Oh no," Avedra said, forgetting her own home issues, which paled in comparison to a Deatheater attack. "Did you know the family?"

"Yeah, they used to visit. Muggleborns apparently." James said, looking down. It had been pretty scary to see the Dark Mark light up the night sky, and knowing what it meant, how close it was.

"It was pretty bad," Sirius agreed. He'd been staying with the Potters, having finally decided he'd had enough of the Pureblood mania his parents were spouting.

"You were there?" Avedra asked, curious.

"Yeah, I, well I left my parents'. I'd finally had enough. All that blood is all nonsense." Sirius said gruffly.

Avedra had known it was bad at Sirius', he hadn't exactly made it a secret. She could still hear his mother's voice from the Howler she'd sent when he'd been sorted into Gryffindor. She just couldn't believe he just left.

"Wow, sorry?" She said, unsure of what to offer.

"No, it's better this way." Sirius answered. "The Potters are letting me stay with them and I get to hang out with James. It could be a lot worse."

"And I thought my mom acting weird was bad. I'm sorry that you had rough holidays." It sounded lame to her, but she was sorry that they'd gone through that. "I guess it's true then, it's really a war."

"Yeah, I mean it was easier to pretend it didn't exist when it wasn't affecting people I knew, you know?" James reasoned. "Now, now it's real."

"Yes, but you don't have anything to worry about. You're a Pureblood, aren't you?" Avedra asked.

"Well, sure, but that doesn't mean we're safe. I'm pretty sure you have to be Pureblood and agree with the cause to not be considered a blood traitor. In which case, we're doomed." He answered with a frown.

"Which means I was doomed from the moment I step foot in Hogwarts, Prongs." Sirius said.

Peter was silent through this, as though it was too hard to speculate his place in the madness. And Avedra was nervous. Her mother's family was Pureblood, could probably trace the tree back to Merlin. It was her father she wondered about. Nothing was ever said about him. She didn't know if he was alive or dead. Only a name, a single name, Tom. Her father's name was Tom.

"What about you, Avedra? Are you blood traitor, Pureblood, or half blood?" Sirius asked, turning toward her.

Avedra sighed. "My mother's family is Pureblood and I won't lie and say they don't listen to You Know Who's nonsense. But I don't know about my father, my mom doesn't like to talk about him. But I'm thinking we fall into blood traitor status. My mom doesn't agree with the terrorizing over blood status."

They sat in silence for awhile, until Sirius couldn't take it any longer and challenged James to a game of Wizard's Chess. It wasn't long before Peter was playing cheerleader and Avedra was reaching up into her trunk for the book Remus had given her for Christmas. She started to read up on ancient charms and spells no longer in use.

A few hours later, Sirius and James stood up to put on their school robes, jarring Avedra from her concentration on the book. She realized they were getting dressed for the school, ignoring that they had a girl in their midst. Peter was slightly more modest, dressing behind his robe. She sighed and stood up to get her own robes out. She contemplated going to the bathroom, but shrugged her shoulders and started getting dressed. It wasn't long before she realized she was the only one moving in the compartment. She looked up and realized all eyes were on her. She rolled her eyes and was finishing putting her robe on when Remus opened the door.

"Oy, that's my girlfriend you're ogling." He said, clapping Sirius in the back of the head.

Sirius rubbed the spot where Remus smacked him absently. "Your girlfriend was taking her clothes off in front of us."

Remus looked at Avedra and raised his eyebrows. "Avedra?"

She sighed. "They were busy putting their own robes on, without a shred of modesty I might add. I didn't think they'd notice." She shrugged her shoulder and smoothed her robes.

Remus was bemused. On one hand, his girlfriend had just given his best friends the show of their life, one that would not be repeated. On the other hand, she really didn't see how her undressing in front of them was the least bit wrong. Merlin, he loved her. And he was going to Obliviate his friends. No, let them remember, they'll only envy him.

"Avedra," he said with a little exasperation. "You forgot one thing in your logic. They're fifteen year old boys. Any woman taking her clothes off stops them in their tracks."

She bit her lip and shrugged her shoulder again. "I'll remember that next time." She said grinning up at him.

"There won't be a next time," he assured her. He looked up and noticed that Sirius was still looking at her like he'd seen the next coming. Remus reached over and clapped him on the back of his head again.

"Arg, man, would you stop hitting me?" Sirius said, rubbing his head.

"Stop looking at my girlfriend like she's your next meal, mate." Remus said grinning.

"James and Peter were looking too," Sirius pointed out.

James held up his hands defensively and Peter sat down and focused his attention on the darkening landscape. Avedra grinned up at Remus and he returned the smile. It was really like she'd been undressing in front of brothers, not as though it were Diggory and Snape in the compartment. Well, that was if Sirius could put his eyes back in his head. Not that Remus could blame him. He was slightly upset he missed the show.

"Ok ok, it's over now." Remus sat down and Avedra perched on his lap. "Just don't be getting ideas, Padfoot."

Avedra looked around as James and Sirius sat down. "Alright, I'm curious enough to ask. What's Padfoot and Prongs?"

James and Sirius shared grins. "It's something we came up with over the holidays. We decided we needed nicknames for our animal selves. So I'm Padfoot." Sirius said.

"And I'm Prongs," James offered with a wave.

Avedra looked to Peter who mumbled, "Wormtail."

Remus whispered, "Moony." in her ear, making her heart beat speed up.

She looked thoughtful at the four of them. "So who am I?"

Sirius looked at Remus, who looked at James, who shot a glance to Peter. They hadn't considered a name for Avedra, even though without her they wouldn't have Animagus forms to nickname.

"Didn't think about me, did you?" She said, knowingly. She smiled at them all. Of course they didn't think about her, she wasn't a Marauder.

Remus cleared his throat and everyone looked at him. "I think, maybe, you could be Lady."

Avedra considered it. It sounded like an animal name, but it was a little more refined. And it helped that Remus had thought of it. She smiled and nodded to him as Lily walked in the compartment.

"There you are," she said, ignoring James and focusing on Avedra. "I've been looking for you."

Avedra stood up and hugged her best friend. "How was your holiday, Lily? Did you like your present?"

"I loved it," Lily said, holding up her arm and showing the charm bracelet Avedra had sent her. "And the holidays were so so, you know how Petunia is. How was yours, did you like your gift?"

"Of course, thanks to you and Remus I got two more volumes for my collection. And the holidays were odd," she said sitting back down on Remus' lap.

"Odd?" Remus said, pulling her back against him.

"Yes, my mom was off kilter for most of it. I couldn't concentrate to do any researching on my own. It was just odd." She said flippantly. "It was still better than James' and Sirius'."

This opened the conversation about the war and how close it was coming. They talked about how they were all probably blood traitors, or in Lily's case a Muggleborn. Remus mentioned that his father heard that a werewolf had attacked a Pureblood's nine year old son over the holidays. The boy had died as a result. It was sobering, knowing how violent the war was growing.

The train started to slow and Lily stood, preparing to fulfill her Prefect duties. Avedra stood too, to let Remus up so he could join Lily. He dropped another kiss on her lips before following Lily out of the compartment. She watched him walk away and noticed Severus glaring at them through the door. She shivered, hoping Remus was going to be safe.

"Look, Snivellius," James said, drawing his wand. He was too slow, there was a flash of light and James was dangling by his ankle from the ceiling.

Sirius jumped up in anger, drawing his wand too, but it was too late. He joined James on the ceiling. Avedra glared through the door at Severus, who was smirking.

"Put them down, Snape." She ordered, not drawing her wand. "Put them down, now."

Severus gave a curt nod and with a flick of his wrist James and Sirius fell into a clump onto the floor. They swore and jumped up with their wands drawn, but Severus had gone as soon as he reversed the spell.

"I swear, I'm going to get him for that." Sirius said, brushing off his robes and opening the door.

"Yes, yes. More hexing between you and Snape. It'll be such a change I won't know how to act," Avedra said, following Sirius out of the compartment.

James chuckled behind her. Dear Merlin, if the Marauders didn't have Snape and Snape didn't have the Marauders, imagine how dull their lives would be, she thought. They made their way off the train and to the carriages. Remus and Lily caught up to them as they were getting into an empty carriage. It was a cold night and she couldn't wait to get to the castle for some warm food before bed. She snuggled closer to Remus and smiled. She was coming home.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

If the fifth years had thought the OWL preparation that went on before the holidays was extensive, they were shocked to see how much further their teachers were planning on pushing them. The amount of students seeing Madame Pomfrey for nervous ailments had risen drastically and by Easter holidays it seemed like only a handful of students hadn't needed a calming draught.

Avedra and Remus were managing to stay afloat, taking energy they'd rather apply in other more stimulating ways to studying. Lily was a force to be reconned with, although her new habit of asking to be quizzed, then taking the book to check her own answer wore thin pretty quickly. Especially when she wacked Avedra in the nose when she jerked the book out of her hands. James and Sirius were putting forth the minimal effort required, working instead on a more personal project for their merry band of animals. Peter, well Peter needed a calming draught once a week.

One warm afternoon, Remus took Avedra's hand and said they needed a break from studying. He took her on a walk along the lake and they talked about their families, what their lives were like away from Hogwarts. The summer holiday was fast approaching and he knew how bad Christmas break had been, so summer was going to be nearly unbearable.

"Maybe we can meet up, at Diagon Alley before school starts." Avedra said, hopefully. She didn't know how she'd get through six weeks of not seeing Remus.

"It's a possibility. We have to go there anyway. Maybe my parents will invite you and your mother over for dinner." Remus said, deciding to ask his mother if that would be possible. Not that they'd be able to do much with their parents gathered around, but at least he'd get to see her.

"It's going to be bad, isn't it?" She asked, squeezing his hand.

"Yeah, probably." Remus answered, raising their hands so he could kiss her knuckles. "But we'll write and we'll see about meeting up. I don't want to go a full six weeks without seeing you at all."

"Me either," she said, stopping. She looked up at him and raised on tiptoes to kiss him. Smiling he leaned down, brushing her lips with his. They heard a click and turned around. Lily was standing nearby with a camera in her hands.

"Sorry, guys," she said smiling. "I thought, well I thought we could all use some pictures to remember our year."

Remus smiled back. "Wonderful idea, Lily. I'm wondering if you'd mind making a copy of that one for me?" He looked down at Avedra and thought having a picture of them kissing would definitely make the holidays more bearable.

"One for me as well, Lils." Avedra said, grinning up at Remus.


	19. Chapter 19

I'm sorry that I had to do this, but I had to redo Chapter 19 because I totally forgot the scene by the lake. So here's the REAL Chapter 19.

Chapter 19

Avedra looked down at the test booklet she'd taken with her out of the Defense Against the Dark Arts OWL. She was fairly certain she did well, but she was sure she could have added more to her description of vampires. She walked out into the sunlight and looked up to see where her friends were. Remus was ahead of her with his three friends, but she couldn't see Lily. She turned back to look at the other fifth years staggering out onto the grounds to enjoy the weather before the next exam. She finally saw a flash of red and walked through the bodies toward Lily.

"How do you think you did, Lils?" Avedra asked when she finally got to her.

Lily frowned, her forehead creasing. "I'm not sure, I think I got everything about werewolves, but I'm sure I forgot something about red caps."

They walked toward the lake in silence, enjoying the sun on their skin and the fresh air after being confined for the exam. Avedra turned toward the place that Remus and the Marauders were sitting, but Lily grabbed her sleeve.

"Do you mind sitting with me for a bit?" She asked, turning toward a place near the lake further along.

Avedra really wanted to have a snuggle against Remus after another long exam, but Lily seemed to need her, so she offered a wave to him as she passed. They settled down beside the lake and watched as the giant squid lazily floated his tentacles along the surface.

"Do you want to study? Transfiguration is next, I could quiz you." Avedra offered, reaching into her bag for her book and notes.

"No, can't we just sit here for a bit and not worry about the exams?" Lily asked, turning toward her. "It seems like ages since we just sat still for a bit and didn't study."

Avedra smiled. They had been putting in long hours of studying and it hadn't stopped since the exams started. She could definitely use a break. She removed her hand from the bag and relaxed. Lily looked at something over Avedra's shoulder and her eyes narrowed. Avedra turned to see what was distressing her friend and saw only the Marauders.

"Oh really, could he get more pathetic?" Lily muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Sorry?" Avedra said, turning back to Lily.

"Potter, he's sitting over there, mussing his hair and tinkering with a stolen Snitch. Honestly, if his head gets any bigger he'll never fit through the portrait hole." Lily said, shooting a glare in James' direction.

Avedra couldn't hold back a grin. After five years you'd think that James would get tired of trying to capture Lily's interest or Lily would get tired of denying it. It had been awhile since Lily had gone into full on Potter rant mode. And she thought it could definitely get interesting. She had a point, Avedra thought, looking over her shoulder. He's definitely arrogant, but then again, Sirius Black was his best friend. Between the two of them it really was a wonder they could fit through the portrait hole.

Lily's glare deepened and Avedra turned to see what James had dared to do next. She nearly groaned. He had Snape halted on the ground by what looked like the Impedimenta curse and now there were pink bubbles flowing from his mouth. Lily jumped to her feet and Avedra reluctantly followed suit. Wonderful, she thought, so much for relaxing before an exam.

"Leave him ALONE!" Lily shouted.

James and Sirius turned around and James' hand flew to his hair. Avedra rolled her eyes. There was a time and a place, she thought, and this was neither.

"All right, Evans?" James asked, toning town the bullying toe rag routine and trying for pleasantly mature.

"Leave him alone," Lily repeated. Avedra didn't need to see her face to know that she had a look of loathing on it. "What's he done to you?"

"Well," James said, pretending to ponder. "It's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean..."

The students that gathered around to watch the blantant display of torture laughed, Sirius and Peter the loudest. Avedra looked down and noticed that Remus was still seated by the lake feining interest in his Transfiguration book.

"You think you're funny," Lily said coldly. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, James Potter. Leave him ALONE."

"I will if you go out with me, Evans." James said, quickly. "Go on...go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

Avedra didn't fight the urge to roll her eyes. Honestly, she was going to have to have a serious conversation with James about time and place. At this point she might have to restrain her best friend from cursing off his limbs.

She noticed that Snape was finally starting to be able to move, but didn't call attention to it. She watched as he inched toward the wand that James had hexed out of his hand.

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was choice between you and the giant squid," said Lily.

Avedra had to agree. At this point the squid was definitely looking more sane.

"Bad luck, Prongs," Sirius said briskly. He turned back to Snape. "Oy!"

It was too late, Snape had made it to his wand and had it leveled on James. There was a flash of light and a gash appeared on James' cheek, spattering his robes with blood. James whirled around and with another flash of light Snape was suspended by his ankle off the ground, his robes falling over his face to reveal his pale, thin legs and rather gray underwear.

The crowd cheered while James, Sirius, and Peter rendered convincing imitations of braying donkeys.

Lily, who Avedra was shocked to see nearly dropped her furious expression for a smile, said, "Let him down!"

"Certainly," said James, and with a flick of his wrist Snape fell to the ground with a thud. He jumped to his feet with wand drawn after detangling himself from his robes, but before he could do anything Sirius had hit him with Petrificus Totalus and he keeled over.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily screamed. She had her wand out now and James and Sirius eyed it warily.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you." James said, seriously.

"Take the curse off him then."

James sighed and turned to Snape to mutter the counter curse.

"There you go," he said as Snape got to his feet again. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-"

"I don't need help from filthy Mudbloods like her."

Avedra gasped. She'd come to expect nearly anything from Snape, but that was definitely not something she'd seen coming. He'd always been close to Lily. And to call her that, here, in front of all these people.

"Fine," Lily said, coldly. "I won't bother you in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I was you, Snivellus."

Now Avedra was doubly shocked. Lily had used the Marauders' nickname for Snape. Even she didn't do that. It was almost as rude as the "Mudblood" in her opinion.

"Apologize to Evans," James roared at Snape, his wand trained on him again.

"I don't want you to make him apologize," Lily said scathingly. "You're as bad as he is."

"What?!" Yelped James. "I'd never call you a you-know-what."

And then Lily went into full on Potter rant mode. And for once it wasn't just to Avedra it was to practically the whole school.

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can - I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK." Then she turned and started away.

Avedra hurried behind her, sure that she definitely needed her now. Lily didn't stop until she was back in the dorm. She punched her pillow and threw herself down on the bed.

"Lily?" Avedra said, unsure. "Are you ok?"

Lily looked up at Avedra and nodded, but she could see the tears burning her eyes. "I think I knew it was coming. He's been hanging out with Mulciber and Nott for awhile now and you know how they are. I think it just shocked me that it came out that way."

Avedra sat down next to her and gave her a hug. "Want me to hex him too?"

Lily gave a half hearted chuckle. "No, but I'll keep that in mind."

Lily sighed and wiped her eyes. She shook her head and stood up.

"Come on, our next exam is starting in fifteen minutes. Might as well go and wait outside the Great Hall."

"If you're sure," Avedra said, standing.

"I am. He made his choice and now I'm making mine. It's over." Lily said with a finality that shook Avedra.

Hours later Avedra walked back to the common room from the library where she'd been working on her notes from History of Magic. Somehow she knew that she was going to get Ulrick the Ugly and Boris the Blighted wrong tomorrow, but there was nothing more she could do. She walked up to the portrait hole without paying attention to who was standing beside it.

"Avedra," Snape said in a pleading voice. "Could you ask Lily to come speak to me?"

Avedra looked up with narrowed eyes. "How dare you?" She asked, looking at him with a newfound dislike. "After what you did, you think I'd do you a favor?"

"I'll sleep here, I'll do anything to make her listen." Snape swore, reaching out to take hold of her sleeve. She jerked her arm away as though he was tainting her. "Please?"

Avedra wrinkled her nose and continued to glare at him. "Move yourself from the portrait hole. I need to get inside and I can't while you're standing where you can hear our password."

"Please, Avedra. If you ever felt anything for me, if we weren't a lie, you'll convince Lily to talk to me." Snape pleaded.

"Move, Snape." Avedra said, not promising anything. "I need to go in."

He moved, reluctantly, stalking to the end of the hallway. She offered the password and walked inside. Remus was sitting at a table in a corner, surrounded by parchment and books. They'd decided to study History of Magic separately, since it was the most gruelling. She smiled when he looked up and then she turned to the stairs and went up to her dorm.

Lily was sitting on the bed reading through her own notes. After her brief spat with tears earlier, she'd managed to stay remarkably calm. She turned the page of her notes and hearing Avedra move to her bed, looked up.

"Hey, Ave. I'm never going to remember this." She said, waving her hand across the parchments that littered the bed.

"Me either. Honestly, do they even notice if you make up names of goblins?" Avedra asked, tossing herself down on her own bed.

Lily grinned. "Probably. I'm sure someone other than Professor Binns knows who's who. Then again, they have the answer sheet."

Avedra sighed and considered telling Lily about Snape. Then she reconsidered it, was it really for the best to have another confrontation? But there was his promise of sleeping outside the portrait hole and who knows who else he'll accost. And what if James and Sirius come across him out there?

"Lily," Avedra said, deciding. "When I came up just now, Snape was outside the portrait hole. He's promising to stay out there and sleep if you don't come talk to him. It's up to you, but imagine the mess if James and Sirius get there first."

It was Liy's turn to sigh. She put down the sheaf of paper and stood up. "I guess you're right. I'll let him have his say and then come back to study. I'm sure he's backpeddling now, trying to pretend he didn't mean it."

Avedra gave what she hoped was an encouraging smile. No matter how blaise Lily acted, she knew it was bothering her. Snape had hit below the belt with his slur and she wasn't sure Lily was going to be able to forgive and forget, no matter what his excuse was. She watched Lily leave the dorm and stood up herself. She'd studied History of Magic all that she could stand and now she really wanted was to crawl into Remus' lap and forget testing altogether.

She crept downstairs and found Remus still seated at the table, but he was watching the portrait hole with a worried expression. She walked over to him and sat down in the chair next to his. Apparently she'd have to wait to snuggle.

"What's wrong?" Avedra asked in a whisper.

He turned to her and gave her a small smile. "Lily went out to talk to Snape. I'm trying to listen for any explosions. Sirius and James are supposed to be in the library and you know what it'll be like if they come across him outside the common room."

Avedra sighed and turned to watch the portrait hole too. So much for a quiet evening with Remus. She listened intently, hoping she'd be able to hear if Lily needed her. After only a few minutes the portrait hole opened and Lily walked in. She smiled at Avedra and Remus and with a little wave went up the stairs to the dorm.

"Should I go up and see if she's ok?" Avedra wondered out loud.

"Give her a few minutes," Remus advised, opening his arms. "Come say hello to me. It feels like we haven't been together at all today."

Avedra went into Remus' arms and snuggled against his chest. "That's because we haven't been together today. It's been studying,testing, Snape baiting, studying,testing, studying, testing, studying, testing and then studying."

"That means we're way below our kiss quotient." Remus teased.

Avedra reached up and brushed his lips with hers. He smiled and moved his hand to cup her head. She sighed contently as he nibbled on her lower lip. She vaguely heard someone clear their throat, but really didn't want to be bothered at the moment. Remus' grin grew as he pulled away. She looked up at him through glassy eyes and realized they had an audience.

"Honestly, Ave, are you trying to make the common room burst into flames?" James asked from his position just inside the portrait hole.

She rolled her eyes and put her head on Remus' chest. This was nothing compared to what Lily had walked in on. If he wanted flames, he should have seen that night.

"I hardly think that Remus and my kissing is going to cause an emergency in the common room, James." She said, turning to drop another peck on Remus' lips. "And I should really go up and check on Lily."

Remus nodded and released his grip on her. She dropped a kiss on his forehead before turning and jogging up the stairs to the dormitory.

James and Sirius fell into chairs at Remus' table. They'd been studying for hours and knew it was probably useless. Who could remember all those rebellions and oddball names? Besides, it was much more entertaining to pick on Avedra and Remus.

"I don't know how you do it, Moony." Sirius said, leaning his chair back on two legs and puttng his feet on the table.

"Do what?" Remus asked, shuffling through his notes to put them away.

"How do you manage to not go mad with Avedra shifting on your lap and kissing you that way?" He said with a grin. He really didn't understand it. They weren't alone enough for it to go beyond the kissing and cuddling, so how was it that Remus hadn't lost his mind yet.

Remus blushed. This wasn't exactly a conversation he wanted to have with his friends. It was difficult enough when it was just shifting around in his head, but he hardly wanted input from Sirius and James about what he should be doing to Avedra in their free time.

"Oh, that," he said, shrugging.

"Seriously, Moony," James said, keeping his voice low so he wasn't overheard. "Doesn't it drive you crazy? She's always so close and we all know how she arches and moves." He turned away, blushing himself now.

Remus sighed. It was hard, pardon the pun, to have her so soft and yielding against him. And her little noises really did drive him to the edge, but he didn't want to push her into something. He wanted to go slow, to take his time being with Avedra. He wasn't entirely sure it would be her first time, but he thought it might be, and it definitely would be his first. He wanted it to be special, unrushed and untarnished by a quick tumble in the common room while everyone was asleep.

"Look, I never actually expected to ever have a girlfriend," Remus started. "So now that I not only have a girlfriend, but I actually have Avedra Lustra, I'm not going to do anything to screw this up."

Sirius nodded in understanding. He completely understood what Remus meant about having Avedra Lustra for a girlfriend. For the past five years he'd turned on his charm for the girl and all he managed to do was annoy her. And then she fell for Snivellus. Sirius' internal lip curled. That was hard, watching her make goo goo eyes at Snivellus when she should have been revolted by his mere presence. Then she turned to Remus. Sirius shook himself out of any jealous thoughts. If anyone deserved to be with Avedra, it was Remus. Although if he were being honest, there were plenty of dreams that came from her little striptease in the train compartment. Dreams that he was quite happy that Remus knew nothing about.

"Well, Moony old man, you're very lucky." Sirius said, pushing awkward thoughts out of his head. "Not only have you landed one of the prettiest girls in our year, but she doesn't have a single thought comparing you to a toerag."

James blanched. "Thanks a lot, Padfoot."


	20. Chapter 20

If you're only reading the chapters you've missed, then you need to go back to Chapter 19, I changed it. This was Chapter 19 but it's now Chapter 20. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Chapter 20

"But you'll be all alone," Avedra whispered to Remus, holding tight to his hand.

"I'll be fine," Remus said in a reassuring tone.

Avedra sighed. "Remus, I'm an Animagus too. I could stay with you, keep you company."

Remus shook his head. There was no way he wanted Avedra with him during his transformation. If only James, Sirius, and Peter hadn't gotten a detention set for the first night of the full moon, he wouldn't be having this conversation. They had, however, after being caught pulling a rather elaborate prank on Snape. And here he was trying to convince his girlfriend that it wasn't a good idea for her to parade her wolf self around his wild beast. He'd felt the animal within him when he'd seen Avedra in her wolf form, felt how excited it had become. He wasn't sure what he'd do to her if he was alone and primal, but was fairly certain they wouldn't be sharing a chew toy.

"Avedra, the answer is no." He said with finality.

"Remus, you're being entirely ridiculous." She said, sighing. "The whole point of becoming Animagi was so you wouldn't be alone during your transformations."

He pulled her to his chest and kissed her hair. "That was the point of James, Sirius, and Peter becoming Animagi. I just don't want you to see me like that. I'm not me when I transform, Ave. I could hurt you, and I couldn't live with myself if I hurt anyone while I was like that." He hoped she'd understand without having to hear the confession that he thought the monster within him would like having the wolf she turned into close to him during the full moon. Honestly, that was just something he wasn't comfortable admitting to.

She bit her lip and nodded. She didn't like arguing with Remus, she much preferred to snuggle against him and listen to his voice with her ear pressed to his chest. And maybe, if she agreed to not accompany him to the Shrieking Shack, he'd let it rest and she could sneak in later.

"I want you to promise me, Avedra, that you won't try to sneak after me." Remus whispered. He felt her stiffen and knew that had been what she was thinking of doing.

She sighed again. "Fine, but I still don't like you being all alone."

He rubbed her back and dropped another kiss on her head. He never expected someone to worry about him as much as his parents did. Sure the Marauders cared, but it wasn't nearly as heartwarming as having Avedra care.

"I'll be ok. I've done this before," he said, chuckling to hide the fact that he was in for a lot of pain.

Having the others with him during his transformations didn't actually take the pain away, but somehow it helped knowing he wasn't alone. He could really remember the adventures they had together during the full moon, but he trusted James and Sirius to keep him out of trouble. He flinched thinking of the trips they'd taken out of the Shrieking Shack, into the Dark Forest. If they'd come across someone, but they hadn't and it was easy to believe that his friends would prevent the monster he became from harming anyone.

"I'll be worried sick for you tomorrow." Avedra whispered. She pulled back to look up into his eyes. "I love you."

Remus' breath caught. Of course he'd been in love with her for awhile now, but this was the first time either one of them had put it into words. He smiled down at her, wondering what he'd ever done to deserve her.

"I love you, too." He said, lowering his head to kiss her.

Avedra wandered along the stacks of the library, half heartedly looking for a book to help with her Transfiguration homework. Her mind wasn't on the task, instead it was traveling along the grounds to the Whomping Willow with Madame Pomfrey. She turned a corner and saw Sirius whispering something to- wait he was whispering to Snape. She tucked herself into the darkest corner nearest the table where Snape was seated and held her breath trying to catch what Sirius could be saying to Snape.

"...all you have to do is touch a knot at the base of the tree." Sirius was whispering. "...down the tunnel and you'll see..."

Avedra went cold. He was talking about the Whomping Willow. He was telling Snape how to get into the Shrieking Shack. How to reach Remus. Remus who had, only yesterday, talked about how he was afraid of hurting someone when he was a werewolf. How could Sirius?

She stepped out of the darkness and confronted the two boys. "Sirius, how could you?" She was seething.

Sirius didn't even blink. "How could I what?" He said in a bored tone.

Avedra decided to ignore him and convince Snape he didn't want to go to the Whomping Willow. "Sna-Severus, I don't know what Sirius was telling you about, but you really don't want to go to the Whomping Willow. That tree's dangerous, you could be killed."

Snape looked at her as though she was something nasty he found on the bottom of his shoe. Well, she knew he wasn't taking the breakup well, but that was no reason for him to get killed. "I don't see how anything I choose to do is of any concern to you."

"Sirius, tell him that he shouldn't go," Avedra pleaded.

"Honestly Avedra, I have no idea what you're talking about. Why would Snape want to go to the Whomping Willow? And why would it matter if he did?" Sirius said, daring her to tell the secret to save Snape.

Avedra turned her back on both of them and rushed from the library. There was still at least forty five minutes until the moon rose, if she could find James, maybe she could convince him to put a stop to whatever madness Sirius was planning. She ran to the Common Room, breathlessly offered the password, and rushed inside. She scanned the chairs around the fire and tables. He wasn't downstairs and she hadn't seen him in the library. She knew his detention didn't start for another hour. Where could he be?

She eyed the stairs to the boys' dormitory and rushed up. She was outside the fifth years' dorm when she realized the stairs hadn't turned into a slide. Apparently that little trick was only for the girls' side. She tapped on the door to the dorm and let out a relieved sigh when she heard James call for her to come in. She opened the door and rushed inside. James looked a little surprised to see her standing there out of breath, but his surprise turned to shock then to unbridled worry as she told him what she overheard in the library.

"Bloody hell," he breathed, grabbing his cloak. "I'll try to cut Snape off, but if he gets past me..."

Avedra closed her eyes at the thought. "What if I transform and go straight through to Remus? Do you think I could divert his attention long enough for you to get Snape out of there?"

James shifted his weight nervously. He knew that Remus absolutely didn't want Avedra around him while he was his wolfy self, especially not in her equally wolfy form. He hadn't said why in so many words, but James understood. He could see anything else to do. If Sirius was planning on Snape meeting a full grown werewolf, he didn't see him suddenly deciding to help save him. On one hand, Remus was going to kill him. On the other hand, hurting someone while he was a werewolf, just might kill Remus.

"Ok, but you have to promise, if Remus gets too close to you, you'll run." James said, hoping she'd be fast enough to get away.

She nodded. "I'll run and get my cloak. Or should I transform now?"

"No, you can transform outside the Whomping Willow. It'll make it easier for you to get through. You need to touch the base, there's a knot, it's easy to see. It'll paralyze the tree long enough for you to get in." James said as he opened his trunk and pulled out a piece of parchment. He tapped it with his wand and said, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Avedra saw lines and words appearing, but wasn't interested in looking closer. She rushed out of the dorm and to her own. She was happy that Lily wasn't around to ask what her hurry was. She grabbed her cloak and rushed out the portrait hole, down the many staircases, out the front doors, and across the grounds. Outside the range of the Whomping Willow's twisting limbs, she closed her eyes and transformed. She found the knot easily and tapped it with a paw before disappearing down the entryway to the tunnel.

She could hear his howls and whimperings as she made her way down the tunnel. He sounded so wounded, in so much pain that it made her whimper. She slowly padded her way into the house. Quietly looking around to see where Remus was. She found him, huddled in a corner, surrounded by broken pieces of furniture. She whimpered again, and this time he heard her.

His eyes, more yellow than amber now, locked on her. She could hear a scuffling in the tunnel, but she couldn't turn away to see how close Snape and James were getting. Not when Remus was slowly coming closer.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Sunlight filtered through the boarded up windows of the Shrieking Shack, glittering off the dust particles in the air. Remus shifted the position of his sore body on the floor and felt a warm, furry body beside his. He looked down, hoping against hope that it was Sirius or James laying curled beside his naked body. His eyes took in the gray fur and his stomach churned. Avedra had come to him in her wolf form, alone when he was his most primal. He looked for signs that he'd hurt her, but could see nothing from his position. He sat up and she whimpered and followed his body.

"Avedra?" He whispered, wanting to wake her, to find out what damage he'd inflicted.

She answered in a low whine and curled against him in sleep. He smiled down at her and ran his hand along her head and neck. She was beautiful even as a wolf. Her eyes fluttered at his touch and she slowly woke up. She looked up at him and uttered another low whine.

"Good morning," he said, his voice somewhat hoarse from the growls and howls of the previous night. He remembered his lack of clothing as her eyes moved from his face to his bare chest.

"Maybe you should turn around for a minute." He said, covering himself with his hands.

Avedra stood and walked to the corner on the other side of the room. She kept her back to him as she transformed back to her human body. She nearly cried out at the soreness of her back, thighs, and legs. She held her pain in, however, determined that Remus not know what happened when his wolf saw hers. If he knew, she thought, he'd never forgive himself. He'd think himself a monster for doing what was a natural reaction to what his wolf saw as a mate.

"I've never stayed transformed for so long," she whispered, rolling her shoulders. "That will take some getting used to."

"No, it won't," Remus said, pulling on his pants. "You're never going to do this again."

Avedra sighed. She knew he would take knowing she'd stayed with him during the night badly.

"It wasn't something I planned, Remus." She didn't want to have to explain why she'd had to come down, how close it had gotten when his attention diverted from her for a split second and he'd clawed Snape.

"You promised," he said, sliding his robes over his sore shoulders. "You promised you wouldn't sneak down."

She turned around, chancing that he was at least partially dressed. "Well you can thank Sirius for that. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have come down at all."

"What?" He asked, striding toward her. "What do you mean I can thank Sirius?"

Avedra raised her hands to her face. She'd hoped she wouldn't have to tell him. She should have known that he'd want to know why she'd come.

"I overheard Sirius in the library with Snape. He was telling him how to get into the tunnel leading here. I tried to talk them both out of it, but neither one would listen." Avedra said, taking her hands down. "I found James and he said he'd try to stop Snape, but there was the problem of what would happen if Snape got too far into the tunnel."

"So you thought you'd sacrifice yourself? Avedra, I could have seriously hurt you." Remus walked toward her, hoping she could understand how dangerous it was for her to have come. He looked down at her, searching for a sign that he did any damage.

Avedra was happy he couldn't see her inner thighs, from the way they felt, she was bruised beyond anything she'd ever experienced before. She smiled up at him, reassuringly.

"You didn't hurt me. You'd never hurt me, Remus." She sighed. It wasn't him that hurt her, not really. He couldn't control the werewolf, he'd said so himself.

"You got to me before Snape got here?" Remus asked, getting back to what happened the night before.

"I barely made it. I'd transformed outside the tree, then stopped the branches with the knot at the base. I heard you, and followed your noises to find you. I'd only just found you when I heard James and Snape's shuffling in the tunnel. I held your attention, but I think you smelled Snape because for a split second you turned and clawed his shoulder. I diverted your attention again and James got Snape out." She hoped he wouldn't ask how she diverted him. Other than the howl she let out, she wasn't saying a word about what else she'd had to do.

"I clawed him?" Remus looked horrified. "Are you certain I didn't bite him?"

"No, you batted him with your paw. You didn't bite anyone, Remus." Slobbered a bit on me, but no biting, she thought.

"I've got to go up to the school. Professor Dumbledore, I need to tell him what I did." Remus said with a frown.

Avedra reached out and put a hand on his arm. "You didn't do anything. If Sirius hadn't told Snape how to get in..."

Remus shook his head. "If I wasn't a monster, it wouldn't have mattered who told Snape how to get into the Shrieking Shack. Maybe you should transform, it'll be easier for your wolf to touch the knot without getting hurt than one of us trying it."

Avedra transformed and walked ahead of Remus into the tunnel. Sooner or later, she knew, he'd get back to what happened to take his attention away from Snape. For now he was only racked with guilt about what could have happened. Guilt that should be on Sirius' shoulders not Remus'.

She stepped out of the tunnel and touched the knot with her paw. The branches stopped swaying and she transformed back into her human self. She took Remus' hand and walked with him to the castle. She felt stiff legged and a little sore, but she hoped she was hiding it good enough. Somehow she'd have to find time to go to Madame Pomfrey for a contraception potion and some healing salve.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Remus asked as they neared the heavy oak doors. "You're walking a little funny."

"I'm fine," she assured, trying to readjust her gait. "I think it's just more uncomfortable to stay in wolf form for long periods. I'm not used to it."

"Ok," he said, in a tone that clearly said he wasn't buying it.

They walked into the entrance hall and he started toward the hospital wing, tugging Avedra along with him. She looked over at him, wondering if he was hurt, worse than usual. He looked tired and pale, but there weren't any scratches that she could see.

"Madame Pomfrey," Remus said, entering the hospital. "I think you need to look over Avedra."

He stopped then, seeing Snape laying on a bed near the door. He was wearing pajamas, so he must have spent the night. His right shoulder was bandaged. He glared at Remus and Avedra.

"Remus," Madame Pomfrey said, coming over to him. "How are you feeling, dear? And what's this about Miss Lustra?"

She shuffled the two of them to a bed at the end of the room and pulled the screens around them. She started checking over Remus, asking if he was sore or if he needed something for pain.

"I'm fine, Madame Pomfrey." He said, shrugging her off. "Please look over Avedra. She..."

He couldn't finish, so Avedra sighed. "I'm an Animagus, Madame Pomfrey. I went down to the Shrieking Shack last night in wolf form to keep Remus company. It was the first time I stayed animal for a lengthy period and I'm a little sore."

Madame Pomfrey barely disguised her shock at this news. She shook her head and muttered about kids being a danger to themselves. She hustled Remus out of the screens and told Avedra to show her where it hurt.

Avedra raised her robes and from the gasp that Madame Pomfrey let out, she knew she looked a mess. She couldn't look down, she didn't want to see. The mediwitch started to say something, but Avedra pleaded with her eyes to not say anything about how bad it was. Remus didn't need to know this.

"Remus, I need you to go see Professor McGonagall." Madame Pomfrey said from her side of the screens. "You can come back after she discusses what happened last night."

Madame Pomfrey held her tongue until she heard the door of the hospital wing open and close. Then she turned back to Avedra with soft, worried eyes.

"Miss Lustra, what happened to you? Did Remus..."

"Remus would never hurt me, Madame Pomfrey. He couldn't help it, he can't control the werewolf." Avedra said, her eyes tearing up. "I think I'll need some salve and, and do you think I could have a contraceptive potion?"

"Of course, dear, of course." She waved her wand and a night gown appeared. "You put this on and I'll be right back with the potion and salve."

Avedra waited until the mediwitch walked out from the screens and then she changed into the night dress. She sat down on the bed and waited for her to come back. It didn't take long for her to reappear, this time holding a jar and a goblet.

"Now you need to drink that straight down," she said, handing the goblet to Avedra. She waited until she'd drank it all down and took back the goblet. "Now lie back and I'll put this salve on your legs. I'm afraid it'll take a few days for the bruising to go away, but this will take away the pain."

Madame Pomfrey carefully drew up the night gown and slowly applied the salve. The effect was immediate, it felt cool then it felt warm and the pain eased. Avedra relaxed against the pillow, but stiffened again when she heard the door to the hospital open again.

"Avedra, it's just me." Lily's voice said from outside the screens. "Are you ok? Remus said you were down here."

Madame Pomfrey finished up and covered Avedra's legs with the gown before covering her with a blanket. She smiled down at her and moved the screens.

"I think, Miss Evans, that Miss Lustra is going to be just fine." Madame Pomfrey said, moving toward Snape's bed. "You can stay for a few minutes, but I think she needs to rest today. I'll probably release her tomorrow."

Lily sat down in the chair beside Avedra's bed. She looked concerned and definitely not well rested.

"You look pretty bad, Lils. What did you do all night, stay up with a werewolf?" Avedra said, in what she hoped was a teasing tone.

"Don't joke about that." Lily said, reaching out to take her best friend's hand. "Are you ok? Really?"

Avedra sighed. "I'm fine. Just a little sore. I've never been a wolf for that long before."

"Remus said you told Madame Pomfrey about being an Animagus. He's worried about you, that he's hurt you and you aren't saying anything because you're scared of hurting him. Did he?" Lily asked, squeezing her hand.

Avedra shook her head. "Remus would never hurt me, Lily, you know that. What happened was something he had no control over and I won't have him feeling guilty for it. If anyone should feel guilty it's Sirius."

"I heard what happened. Potter was worried when you didn't come back last night, but we didn't want to say anything in case we got you in trouble." Lily said, uncertain. "Potter had to explain to Professor Dumbledore what happened, aside from telling him about you going in to divert Remus."

Avedra sighed. "It should have been Sirius explaining things. I suppose he didn't get anything more than a few detentions?"

"Actually he's got detention every day for the remaining term and he can't go to the last Hogsmeade trip." Lily said. "Professor McGonnagol was saying that she might extend his detentions into next year, depending on his attitude."

"You got your wish though. I'm definitely registering as an Animagus. I had to tell Madame Pomfrey about it when Remus forced me here."

"He's really worried about you," Lily whispered as she heard the door to the hospital open.

Remus walked toward the bed with Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore. Avedra sat up a little higher and Lily squeezed her hand. They stopped at the foot of her bed. Professor Dumbledore looked down at her through his half moon shaped glasses. Professor McGonnagol looked concerned.

"How are you feeling, Miss Lustra?" Professor McGonnagol asked.

"I'm fine, a little sore from staying transformed so long." Avedra said, looking down at the blanket.

"Yes, that happens at first." She said, reassuringly.

"I've sent a letter to the Ministry, telling them of our young Animagus, they'll have the paperwork ready during the summer for you to register." Professor Dumbledore said, twinkling down at her. "Now I must ask for everyone to leave Miss Lustra and myself alone for a few moments."

Avedra swallowed. She'd never had to speak to the Headmaster before, alone. She had a feeling this wasn't going to be a talk on career choices.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Professor McGonagall motioned Lily and Remus from the bedside with promises they could come back and visit later. Avedra listened as they made their way out of the hospital, turning to Dumbledore when the door closed. His eyes, which she saw were a beautiful blue, gazed down at her with concern. She had a feeling that she wasn't going to get out of having "the talk" with the Headmaster.

"So, Miss Lustra or if you don't mind, may I call you Avedra?" He asked, sitting down in the chair Lily vacated.

Avedra nodded her assent, as though she wouldn't agree to letting him call her anything he chose to.

"Well, Avedra, you did a very foolish thing last night." Was she seeing things or did he just twinkle at her? "Not many fully trained wizards would try to keep company with a full grown werewolf during the full moon."

"Uh," Avedra said, searching for the words to explain herself.

"Yet, I understand that you were doing something to prevent another student being harmed. That's very selfless, Avedra, and again not many witches or wizards would have put themselves in that position."

"Remus would have wanted to die if he hurt someone, Professor." Avedra whispered, looking at her hands on the blanket. "I couldn't let it happen."

"Remus said your Animagus form is a wolf. I don't have to use my imagination to guess what you had to do to divert him from Mr. Snape." She chanced a glance up and saw him looking at her with grandfatherly concern. "As Remus told me that Madame Pomfrey was examining you, I suppose that you've addressed all the concerns that may have arose from your outing last night."

Avedra nodded, tears burning her eyes. She hoped that he wasn't thinking horribly of Remus. It wasn't his fault.

"Remus never expected to experience a normal student's world even when I accepted him at Hogwarts." Dumbledore said, smiling. "Now he has friends and you. You can't blame him for worrying that he hurt any of you."

"But he didn't, Professor. That wasn't him." Avedra said as a tear slipped down her cheek. "If it weren't for Remus..."

"You're both lucky to have each other." The Headmaster nodded. "It's entirely up to you whether you tell him what happened in the Shrieking Shack last night. Just remember that the truth is generally preferrable to lies."

Avedra sniffled. Dumbledore held out a cotton handkerchief and she took it, wiping her eyes and dabbing her nose.

"I know it won't be easy for him to hear what he did, and you might be right to keep it from him. I certainly don't envy your position." Dumbledore stood. "Oh and although you were out of bed after curfew last night, I've persuaded Professor McGonagall that the situation surrounding the event was strenuous enough that you need not be punished. I've gone one further and awarded you and Mr. Potter twenty five points each for your actions, foolish though they might have been."

Avedra managed a weak smile. "And Sirius?"

The twinkle left Dumbledore's eyes for a flicker. "Mr. Black will be in detention for the remainder of the school year, has had his final Hogsmeade trip forfetted, and lost fifty points. I don't mind saying that I seriously contemplated expelling him for his rash act."

She nodded and asked the question she dreaded hearing the answer to. "And Snape, will he keep Remus' secret?"

This time Dumbledore patted her hand. "Yes, I've had a discussion with Mr. Snape and he understands that this is a secret that must be kept."

"And you trust him to keep his word? He hates Remus." Avedra said, looking up into Dumbledore's eyes.

He nodded. "Yes, I trust him to keep his word. You need not worry for Remus." He stood to go. "Oh and I sent your mother a letter telling her of your acheivement in Animagus research. I'm certain she'll be quite proud. I seem to remember that she loved researching difficult charms and spells."

Avedra blushed.

"And now I must be off." Dumbledore said, walking toward the screens. "I'm sure Madame Pomfrey is on her way to tell me I've disrupted your rest long enough."

Sure enough Avedra heard footsteps coming toward her bed. Madame Pomfrey rounded the screens as Dumbledore passed out from behind them. She heard them have a whispered conversation for a few moments before one set of footsteps started toward the door and Madame Pomfrey turned to Avedra.

"Well, Miss Lustra, do you need something to help you rest?" The medi-witch asked, taking time to fluff her pillows.

"No, I think I'll be fine on my own." Avedra said, relaxing into the pillow again.

"I'll be in my office if you need anything." Madame Pomfrey offered before bustling back out of the screens.

Avedra closed her eyes and sighed. Dumbledore was right about truth being better than lies, she knew, but this was one thing that Remus just didn't need to know. She rolled onto her side and considered the alternative, telling him what had happened. She could see the look of pain on his face if he knew what the werewolf did to her wolf. How he'd pull away from her for some noble reason like her own safety. No, she couldn't tell him what happened. It was for his own good.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Remus knew he was hurting Avedra. Since seeing her safely to the care of Madame Pomfrey and after watching Dumbledore request a private conversation with her, he'd kept his distance. He knew she'd never tell him the complete truth about what happened that night, but she didn't have to. The dreams told him.

Whether the dreams were true memories of what happened that night he wasn't sure. He'd never had dreams about his times as the werewolf. Nightmares of what would happen if he got loose, those he had plenty of. These dreams, while horrific, were filled with sensations he'd never had as a human. And he saw her there. His Lady. Shaking and whimpering beneath him.

Her stiff walk, the gasp that came when Madame Pomfrey asked her to show her where it hurt, the quick dismissal to find Professor McGonagall so he wouldn't hear what treatment she needed, it all added up to his second worse fear. The werewolf, Remus, had taken Avedra. He'd forced himself on her. He'd hurt her.

So now he was stepping back. It was clear now that he couldn't have a normal relationship. What they had was dangerous, for her. There was always the possibility that someone else would be pranked by a trip to the Shrieking Shack and she'd put herself in harm's way to stop it. And he knew the wolf would hurt her again.

And he could tell his pulling back was taking a toll. He saw the dark circles reappear. He noticed that she stopped coming to meals with Lily. And so did his friends.

"Remus, do you realize that you're making it worse?" James asked, when he noticed Avedra wasn't at breakfast.

But Remus was steadfast. He wasn't going to chance hurting her in a more permanent way. A broken heart she'd recover from. A physical assault, possibly worse than the one she'd already experienced, could kill her. And this time she had Lily to talk it through with. It wasn't like when she was dealing with Severus.

Lily looked at her best friend and knew this wasn't anything like what she'd dealt with when she was seeing Severus. It was like she'd lost a limb and couldn't function anymore. She barely paid attention in class, wasn't sleeping, and ate hardly enough to keep an owl alive. No, this was much much worse than Severus.

"Ave, please, just come down to breakfast. Have a bit of toast and some juice." Lily said, watching as Avedra put her hair up in a messy knot.

"Will he be there?" Avedra asked, biting her lip.

"I don't think so. He usually eats early, with the others." Lily hoped she was right and that Avedra would listen to her.

"What if he's not? He'll just ignore me." Tears welled up in her eyes.

"Please, Ave, eat something." Lily pleaded. They had only a week left of classes. She wasn't sure Avedra was going to make it until then.

Avedra sighed, staring at her bed she nodded. She knew she was worrying Lily, but she hadn't thought Remus would just cut her off. He barely spoke to her, hardly looked at her, and wouldn't be alone with her if his life depended on it. She knew she needed to eat, but every time she was in the Great Hall all she could think about was him and why he was ignoring her.

Lily led the way downstairs, wondering how Avedra had the strength to carry her heavy bag. She'd tried to get her to talk about it, but she was determined to keep it all inside. She would sigh and tears would spring to her eyes if anyone mentioned Remus. Lily had heard her crying at night, like her heart was breaking over and over. This wasn't right, she thought, he couldn't do this to her.

Determined to get something in Avedra's stomach, Lily put thoughts of cornering Remus and demanding he wake up and realize that he was killing her best friend out of her mind. They were silent on their trip into the Great Hall and Lily scanned the Gryfindor table before Avedra looked up. The Marauders weren't there. Lily let out the breath she didn't realize she'd been holding.

"See, I told you." Lily said, steering Avedra to the table. "Now, eat something."

Avedra took two pieces of toast and buttered them, while Lily poured her a glass of orange juice. She watched as her best friend slowly ate her meager meal, as though every bite was causing her distress. She pushed her goblet toward her and filled her own plate with eggs and bacon.

"It's all my fault," Avedra whispered, taking a sip from her juice.

Lily looked up, confused. "What's your fault?"

"Remus," she said simply.

"Avedra, you only did what you thought was best. You were trying to save him from doing something that would have killed him." Lily patted her hand. "He's just not taking what you did very well."

"I should have left, before he woke up. I should have, not been there." Tears were gleaming in her eyes. "If I'd just left when he went to sleep, then he'd have never known that I was down there."

Lily bit her lip. She wanted Avedra to talk about it, but blaming herself for everything wasn't something she'd expected. She was going to talk to Remus. This was getting out of hand. Avedra was punishing herself for saving Remus from fulfilling his worse fear.

"We're going to be late for Professor Flitwick," Avedra said, standing up and leaving behind a whole piece of buttered toast.

They lined up in the crowd that was making its way from the Great Hall. Lily didn't see Snape until he was sneering down at Avedra.

"What's the matter, Lustra, the pup get tired of his bitch?"

Avedra gasped and jerked her head back as though slapped. Lily saw her grow paler, though she didn't know how that was possible, and then she folded. People around her looked down, curious as to what had happened. Lily bend down beside her, calling her name. It looked like she'd fainted.

"Miss Evans, what's going on here?" Professor McGonagall asked, looking down with concern.

"She just collapsed, Professor." Lily said, holding Avedra's hand as the whispers started above her.

"Well, let's get her to the Hospital wing." Professor McGonagall waved her wand and Avedra's prone body rose as though on an invisible stretcher. "Move along. Get to class." She order the crowd.

Lily turned to follow the crowd, but Professor McGonagall stopped her and asked her to come along. They walked in silence to the hospital, Avedra's body floating between them. When they entered the hospital, Madame Pomfrey rushed toward them.

"What's happened?" Madame Pomfrey asked, motioning for Professor McGonagall to lower Avedra to the empty bed nearest the doors.

"I'm not entirely sure, Poppy." Professor McGonagall said as Madame Pomfrey began to bustle around her patient. "Miss Evans, what happened to Miss Lustra?"

Lily didn't hesitate. She told them how Avedra hadn't been eating or sleeping, not since the night of the full moon. She told them how hard she was taking Remus' rejection. Then she told them how Snape had sneered at Avedra in the Great Hall and how she'd collapsed.

They listened. Madame Pomfrey examined Avedra as Lily talked. Professor McGonagall looked grave. Lily finished and looked anxiously at the two older women.

Madame Pomfrey had finished her examination. "It looks like a classic case of exhaustion, which hasn't been helped by her lack of nutrition. I'm afraid she's going to spend the rest of her school year here with me. So she can rest and I can monitor her food intake. Unless you want to notify her mother."

Professor McGonagall nodded. "Yes, I shall owl her mother. With so little time left at school, she might want to move Miss Lustra to Saint Mungo's." She turned to Lily. "Miss Evans, you can go on to class. Tell Professor Flitwick you were with me, I'll speak to him later."

Lily left the hospital worried. Avedra had made herself seriously ill over Remus. She considered her options. Talking to Avedra had made no difference. Maybe it was time to talk to Remus.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Remus saw Lily walk into Charms and noticed that Avedra wasn't with her. His stomach lurched in worry. He couldn't hear what she told Professor Flitwick because, as usual, the class was nosy and busy. He wasn't the only one who noticed her late entrance and the absence of Avedra.

"What's Evans so late for, and where's Ave?" Sirius asked as he flicked his wand at the pillow he was banishing.

Remus shrugged and tried to hide his worry. Why was Lily alone? Since the full moon, Lily and Avedra had been closer than ever. He knew he was the reason. A part of him knew that it hurt her more that he was willing to admit. She'd bounce back from it, she had Lily from the start this time. It was nothing like it had been when she and Severus split up.

James was eyeing Lily and accidentally banished his pillow straight into her head. She turned to glare at him. He took the opportunity to ask her where Avedra was.

"She's in the hospital wing," Lily said, with a small sigh.

"What happened?" Sirius asked, looking concerned.

"She collapsed leaving breakfast this morning," Lily whispered as Professor Flitwick was banished across the room by one of the Hufflepuffs.

"Is she," Remus started, then he stopped himself. He was supposed to be staying away from her.

"She's exhausted. She hasn't been sleeping or eating for awhile now." Lily said, turning away.

Remus' heart clenched. So having Lily with her wasn't helping. He was not only hurting her feelings, he was hurting her health. He wanted to know she was going to be alright. He wanted to run to her and promise to not hurt her anymore, but that was a promise he couldn't make. He knew what he'd done to her, what she refused to admit to. No, he'd keep his distance. She'd be fine.

Lily went straight to the hospital wing at lunch to check on Avedra. Her mother was talking with Madame Pomfrey when Lily entered, and they both smiled at her as she walked to Avedra's bed. She was sleeping, resting finally. The dark circles still stood out on her pale skin, but she looked peaceful. Lily sat down beside the bed and considered what she could do for her best friend. Talking to Remus was definitely a start.

Ms. Lustra, Calli, she reminded Lily to call her, walked over to greet her. Lily asked if she was taking Avedra home.

"Yes, well actually I'm moving her to St. Mungo's when she wakes up. It seems my daughter has been under more strain than I knew." She moved to sit near her daughter's head. "Is this really all over a boy?"

Lily looked down at her knees, feeling uncomfortable. "It's not just any boy. It's Remus. Avedra really loves him, Ms. I mean Calli."

Calli sighed. "She talked a great deal about him over the holidays, but I thought it was just a crush. I had no idea she'd take his breaking up with her this hard."

"He didn't actually break up with her." Lily whispered. She didn't want Calli to think poorly of Remus, but the truth was the truth.

"What?" She said, looking up from Avedra's face.

"He didn't break up with her, he just stopped talking to her. He was trying to distance himself from her." Lily left it at that. She wasn't sure that Avedra's mother knew that Remus was a werewolf, and she wasn't about to tell that secret.

Calli looked surprised and a little irritated. Lily realized she might have made things worse, but she couldn't think of a way to fix it.

"Boys," Calli said, stroking Avedra's hair off of her face. "They never seem to get it right."

Lily said nothing. She couldn't be sure, but she didn't think that Calli was talking to her. Before she could think of anything else to say, the hospital door opened and in trooped Sirius and James with Peter trailing behind.

"Ms. Lustra," said James, "I don't know if you remember me..."

Calli smiled. "Of course I remember you. You and Sirius took Avedra's trunk and put it on the train on the way back to school after holidays. And please, call me Calli."

"Calli," said Sirius, looking for once serious. "Is she going to be ok?"

She nodded. "Yes, she needs rest and to be looked after by a Healer. I'll be moving her sometime today to St. Mungo's."

Lily stood up, feeling awkward. "Well, I'd better go have some lunch. Please, tell Avedra I'll owl her over the summer. And tell her to get well, from me."

"Yes, we'd better go too," said James. "Tell Avedra we stopped in to see her, and that we'll keep in touch over the summer too."

"I'll tell her. You'd better get to lunch before it's too late." Calli said, smiling at her daughter's friends.

Lily and three of the Marauders made their way from the hospital to the Great Hall in near silence. They were all thinking about how pale and drawn Avedra looked, even in sleep. And they were wondering if the Healers could fix a broken heart.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

"Remus," Lily called from down the hall as he exited his last class.

He stopped and turned to wait for her to catch up. He had an inkling that she wanted to talk to him about Avedra. Probably to brow beat him for hurting her so much.

She caught up to him and smiled. "Thanks for waiting. I was wondering if we could talk for a minute?"

"Of course," he said, starting to walk toward Gryfindor tower to drop off his books before dinner.

"You heard about Avedra earlier, when I came in late to Charms, didn't you?" Lily asked, already knowing the answer.

He grimaced. "Yes, James and Sirius said her mum said she'll be ok."

"Remus, I'm not so sure. I mean, I'm sure the Healers can fix the physical problems. They'll give her strengthening potions and they'll make sure she rests, but that won't fix the problem." She stopped and chose her words carefully. "I know you're doing what you think is best, but it doesn't look like it's what's best for Avedra."

"Lily," he started, closing his eyes to gather his strength. "I'm not trying to stay away for myself. I hurt her. I know it. You know it. She knows it. Only she's not admitting to it. I cannot, I will not allow that to happen again."

"You're hurting her worse now." Lily said when he opened his eyes. "You haven't heard her crying at night, unable to sleep. You haven't seen her picking at food like swallowing it causes her pain. I've watched it, Remus. And you know the really messed up part of it? She tries to make sure you don't notice how hard she's taking it, like she's protecting you from pain."

Remus didn't want to hear this. He didn't want to think that he'd made the wrong choice in staying away. He didn't want to think, to see in his mind what Lily was telling him. It was supposed to make her safer and yet she was in the hospital. Because of him.

"Summer breaks almost here, Lily. She'll have months to get over me." Remus said, hoping it was true.

"And if she does get over you? Are you really comfortable knowing that next year she might be dating someone else? Are you going to be able to stand by and watch her touching another guy?" Lily asked.

An image of Avedra laughing and kissing a faceless stranger erupted in Remus' mind and his stomach clenched in jealousy. He fought it back. This wasn't about him, he was trying to keep her from being hurt.

"I'll take care of myself, Lily. If she finds someone else, then I'll control myself." He said, as they stepped up to the portrait hole.

"Just think about it, Remus. Think about what you're giving up, before you really do lose it completely." She said before offering the password and walking inside.

Like I could stop thinking about, he thought as he walked in and put his bag on one of the tables. At least he could count on the guys to not bring up Avedra.

"Remus," Sirius said, as Remus sat down beside him at Gyfindor table for dinner. "Where have you been?"

"Just dropping off my books," Remus said, pulling a plate of shepards pie to him.

"We just got here ourselves. We stopped in at the hospital to see if Avedra had been moved yet." James offered from across the table.

"Hmm." He said, taking a bite of food so he could have a reason not to talk.

"Yeah, her mum came to take her to St. Mungo's." Sirius said, as he raised his fork.

Remus nodded noncommittedly. He thought he could count on his fellow Marauders to not talk about Avedra.

"She looked terrible," Peter said, from his spot beside James. "She was so pale and tired looking."

He was starting to lose his appetite. They were all looking at him to see his reactions to the news. He knew she wasn't doing well. Lily had made sure he knew it. Now this.

"Yeah, Lily told me." He said, hoping this would be the end of it.

They nodded and turned to their dinner. Remus breathed a sigh of relief. He tucked into his dinner, trying hard to not think of Avedra looking like she did when she was weighed down by his secret and everything earlier in the year. But even then, she hadn't had to go to the hospital. She hadn't had to leave the school to get rest. He thought about how she'd heal with help from the Healers at St. Mungo's, how she'd come back to school in September more beautiful than before. And that made him think of the faceless strangers, lining up to ask her to Hogsmeade. His fists clenched and he burned with jealousy. The Marauders left him to his thoughts, eating quietly beside him.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Lily and Remus entered the Prefect's carriage on the Hogwarts Express to check in before patrolling the corridors. They listened as the year's Head Boy and Girl gave end of term announcements and then turned to start their patrol.

"Remus," Lily said, stopping him.

"Yes?" He answered, turning back.

"I developed that picture by the lake. The one of you and Avedra. Do you still want your copy?" She was holding the picture in her hand. How he didn't notice it earlier, he wasn't sure.

"Oh," he did want it. It was proof that Avedra had been his, for however short of a time. "Yeah, sure."

He took it from her and looked at it. There she was with her ebony curls falling down her back, her hands around his neck, looking into his eyes and then kissing him. As with all wizard pictures they were moving, but unlike some pictures, they were completely absorbed with each other. He could almost feel her, just looking at the picture.

"It turned out really well." Lily said, starting down the corridor. "I'm wondering if I should send Avedra her copy? Or if that wouldn't be the best idea?"

Remus didn't know how to answer her. He'd like Avedra to have the picture, to remember him by, but he didn't want her hurting herself anymore. He said nothing.

"Do you have plans for the summer?" She asked, conversationally.

"Not really. James and Sirius want to meet up at some point, and I guess that'll be fun. Other than that, nothing much." He answered, checking compartments to make sure no bullying was going on. "You?"

"We don't really do much during the summer. Dad works most of it and when he does take a holiday, he's too tired to do much. I'd like to meet up with Avedra at some point, to check on her."

They continued chatting as they walked the corridors, not taking a break until it was time for the lunch trolley to arrive.

"Are you coming to our compartment?" Remus asked, not sure if she'd want to spend her trip with James.

"No, I said I meet up with Alice." Lily replied, turning away. "Have a good summer, Remus."

"You too," he called after her.

He found the Marauder compartment and slid into an empty seat. He looked back at the picture in his hand and thought about Avedra. Was she still in the hospital? Or was she home, healed? He didn't have much time to consider before the picture was tugged from his hand.

"What have you got here, Moony?" Sirius asked, checking what he'd stolen. One look was enough, his grin faded and he handed it back. "Sorry, mate."

James looked curious and so did Peter. Remus sighed and handed the picture to James. He watched two of his friends look at the very best of memories captured. James handed it back, looking somber.

"Why do you have that?" James asked. "I thought you were steering clear of her."

"Lily took it. I'd told her that I wanted a copy of it, and so she made me one." Remus said in what he hoped was an offhanded tone.

"Doesn't it bother you to look at it?" Peter asked.

"No, it means it was real no matter what happened. Proof, I guess you'd call it." He said, standing up and putting it in his trunk overhead.

"Moony, are you sure," Sirius started, but one look from Remus silenced him.

"Yes, I'm sure, Padfoot."

The arrival of the lunch trolley drove the awkwardness out of the compartment. After the witch left, they immersed themselves in eating and no one mentioned Avedra again.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Dear Lily,

Thank you so much for the book, it really helped to kill the monotony of the hospital. I'm finally home. Cured, so they tell me. I'm eating and sleeping, so everyone can stop worrying already. If my mum doesn't stop hovering and watching me like a hawk, I might end up on Potter's doorstep like Sirius.

I'm moving forward. I know I can't change Remus' mind. I can't force him to be with me or to talk to me, so I'm doing my best to put it behind me.

Did you get your OWL results? Mine came this morning and I have to say I'm pretty pleased. Ten OWLs isn't something to sneeze at.

Mum had to take me to the Ministry to finish registering as an Animagus today. It was rather embarrassing to have to change for the Ministry witch and then letting her go over me with a fine tooth comb to document all my unusual markings. Dumbledore was right, though. Mum is very pleased that I taught myself.

The holiday feels like it's dragging. Can you meet us in Diagon Alley on August 16th? That's the day that Mum has decided is shopping day.

Owl me back. Your letters are keeping me sane.

Love,

Avedra

Dear James and Sirius,

Honestly, I'm not sure you two living together is in anyone's best interest. That much mischief in one house? Well, your parents are saints, James.

I got home two days ago from St. Mungo's. Thank Merlin! I thought I was going to go barmy in there. Even with the books and letters, the time just piddled by. And I won't even get into how they watched me, like waiting for horns to poke out of my head.

Got my OWL results this morning. I did fairly well. I won't brag here, in case all your brilliance was for naught and now you have to discuss your options with Professor McGonagall. (Here's hoping Hagrid needs an assistant or two for his gameskeeping duties.)

Mum took me to the Ministry to finish with the registering process. After being poked and prodded for an hour, I can now understand the people who don't register.

The holiday is moving so slow that I'm actually counting down the days until Hogwarts. I'm going to Diagon Alley on the 16th of August, if you're going to be there, look around for me.

See you on September 1st.

Love,

Ave

Remus,

I hope your summer is going well. It's been more of the usual here at home. Mum and Dad were happy to have me back. Petunia asked if I couldn't stay at my "freak school" during holidays too.

I just got my OWL results and I have to say, I'm pretty pleased with the results. I won't regale you with them in detail.

I had a letter earlier from Avedra. She's out of the hospital finally, cured she says. She seems to be getting back to herself. Her letter sounds just like her. We're meeting up in Diagon Alley before term starts.

Well, just thought I'd check in.

Lily

Moony,

How's your summer going? We've been having a quiet summer. You know how we like the quiet life.

So the plan is to meet up in Diagon Alley on August 16th. Can you make it? Owl us back an answer.

Sirius and James

Dearest Avedra

Dear Avedra

Avedra

Remus looked at the piece of parchment in front of him. He'd been trying for the past thirty minutes to write a letter to Avedra. He couldn't get the greeting right. And he wasn't sure what he'd write to her if he could get past the "Dear Avedra" part. What do you say to someone who you were ignoring for their own good, only to have her hospitalized thanks in part to your inattention?

In part? Who was he kidding? It was his fault she had been in the hospital. Even in trying to save her from himself, he'd made things worse. Maybe he should have talked to her about it, about why they couldn't keep carrying on the way they had been. He knew, if he'd talked to her, that his resolve wouldn't have held. He would have caved and they wouldn't have broken apart.

At least she was doing better, if Lily's letter was any indication. Which was why he was sitting here trying to write her a note. Her illness had made him realize that he didn't want her completely out of his life. Maybe if they could go back to being just friends. To be able to talk with her, or laugh with her would be better than nothing.

The problem was he didn't know how to backtrack. He didn't know if he could send a friendly letter to Avedra and if it would be accepted. She had every reason to not want to speak to him ever again. He knew Avedra. He knew she wouldn't ignore him like he did her. But it bothered him to think that he would be hurting her again if he just dropped a note on her.

Maybe he'd wait until they were on the Hogwarts Express going back to school. He could say "hi" to her and see her reaction for himself. He considered this for a moment and decided that was his best course of action.

So he tossed out the crossed out parchment and picked up a blank piece. He hadn't answered Sirius and James' letter yet. He called downstairs to his mother and asked her if she thought they'd be able to go to Diagon Alley on the 16th. She said she saw no reason not to so he answered his friends' letter in the affirmative and sent if off by their aging owl, Herrod.

There was nothing to do now, but wait. Wait until he could see his friends on the 16th, and wait until he could see Avedra on the train on September 1st. He looked up at the picture of he and Avedra kissing by the lake, framed now and sitting on his desk. Everytime he looked at it, it felt like someone kicked him in the stomach. It's better this way, he told himself. Just like he'd been chanting since he first decided to pull away.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Avedra juggled a package of books, parchment and quills, and the rest of her new school things as her mother steered her toward Madame Malkin's. She hadn't grown, they weren't worn out, yet her mother insisted on new robes this year. Probably trying to make me forget about my stellar exit from school last year, she thought as her mother took the packages from her so Madame Malkin could measure her.

"And I think a new set of dress robes, something in dark blue," her mother was saying.

"Mum, I'm supposed to meet Lily at 1:00." Avedra said through a veil of robe.

"Don't worry, Avedra, you have plenty of time." Her mum said, consulting her shopping list. "You still need some owl treats for Athena and I have a few stops to make while you're going around with your friends."

"Couldn't you just pick up the owl treats while you're shopping for yourself?" Avedra asked, her head finally out of the fabric of her new robes. "It's on your way, I'm sure."

Calli Lustra smiled at her daughter. She'd scared her when she went to the school to collect her. She'd been so tired and worn looking. You'd never guess to look at her now. She'd gotten her sparkle back. She looked so like her father, with her dark hair and pale skin. Calli snapped out of that line of thinking. It did no good to dwell on that.

"Yes, I suppose I could go do it now. Are you sure you want to Floo home on your own?" She asked for the tenth time.

"Yes, Mum, I'm sure. I'm not sure how much time Lily will need to spend on buying her stuff and I want to spend some time with her." Avedra shook out her curls and did a little turn for her mother's approval of the dress robes.

"That color looks beautiful against your complexion. And it really brings out your eyes." Calli smiled. "Well if you're sure you don't need your 'old' mother, I'll be on my way. Put those on my account, Madame Malkin."

Avedra let out a sigh when her mother left. She'd been hovering ever since Avedra had gotten home from the hospital. Actually she hovered in the hospital as well. It was a relief to not have her watching her every movement for some sign of relapse. She stood still as Madame Malkin outfitted her in her new robes and waited patiently while she packaged them up for her.

"Thank you," she said as she left the store. Finally free, she thought, walking along Diagon Alley toward the ice cream shop, the designated meeting place for her and Lily.

She hadn't made it to the outdoor tables when she saw the familiar flash of red. Lily launched herself at Avedra and hugged her. Laughing the girls sat down at one of the tables and ordered sundaes from the waiter. They both started talking at once. Laughing, Avedra motioned for Lily to go first.

"I'm so glad to see you," she said, smiling. "You look so much better from the last time I saw you."

"Well forced feedings and being knocked out with dreamless sleep potions will do that to a girl." She joked, as their sundaes arrived. "So how has your summer been so far, aside from vile Petunia?"

They talked about their summers, the homework they'd completed, the places they'd wished they had gone. They talked about everything except what they both wanted to talk about, Remus. Lily wished there was some way to know how her best friend was doing, really, without actually asking the words. Avedra wished she could bring him up without reminding Lily of how horribly she'd taken his ending things.

"So, have you heard from the Marauders?" Lily asked, skirting the issue. Surely if Remus had written she'd say something.

"Actually I have, well from two of them anyway. James and Sirius were nearly as consistent as you were in writing to me." Avedra smiled, who'd have thought those two would care enough to keep in touch. "They contemplated sending me a toilet seat from James' house, but didn't know if they'd let me have it at the hospital."

Lily rolled her eyes. Trust Potter and Black to make asses out of themselves outside of school. It was nice, she thought, that they tried keeping Avedra's humor up. It was more than she'd expected.

"What would you want a toilet seat for?" Lily asked, but it wasn't Avedra who answered.

"It'd be a conversation piece, Evans." Sirius Black said from behind her. He grabbed a chair from a nearby table and plopped it between Lily and Avedra. James followed his act, and seated himself on the other side of the table.

"You look much better," James said, grinning at Avedra.

"I feel much better." She replied with her own smile.

"Ah, come here," Sirius said, leaning over to give her a hug. "It's good to have you back, Lady."

She flinched, that had been the name Remus suggested for her Animagus form, but returned the hug. She pulled back and grinned at Sirius.

"I didn't have much of a choice in the matter," she said, sitting back in her chair. "I had a good deal of people reminding me how stupid I was acting. Not to mention that the Healers at St. Mungo's don't give their patients a say in being cured. So, how's Peter? I didn't get a speck of mail from him during my drugged stupor." She skirted the other one she didn't hear a word from.

"He's alright," James said, looking at Lily. "His parents are keeping his nose to the grindstone on the homework. He didn't do so well on the OWLs."

"Oh, so he's not coming to get his stuff today?" She asked, wondering how long Lily would keep quiet with James leering at her.

"No, his mum came to town as soon as he got his OWL results and got what he needed." Sirius answered. "Remus was supposed to be here by now."

Lily turned away from glaring at James to see how Avedra took the news. She'd blushed a little, but seemed to be doing ok. At least until she went to move her sundae dish and Lily could see how her hands were shaking.

"Remus is coming into town today too?" Avedra said, willing herself to be calm.

"Yeah, when we got your letter, we invited him too." James said, turning to look at Avedra too. "That's alright, isn't it?"

Lily was a little surprised at Potter's tone. He sounded like he was worried for Avedra, like he cared whether seeing Remus now would be too soon. She looked at him and noticed that he was studying Avedra, his forehead creased.

"It's fine," Avedra said, looking down at the table. "Where did you say you'd meet him? Perhaps you missed him."

"No, we didn't. Here he comes now." Sirius said, waving at his sandy haired friend.

Avedra took a deep breath and looked up. He was slowly making his way between tables toward them. The sun glinted off his hair and she knew how clear it would make his eyes. She bit her lip, and fidgeted with her napkin. And then he was there, standing behind Lily and Sirius, looking down at her.

"Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. Mum let me sleep in." He said, looking away from Avedra at Sirius.

"No problem, we haven't really gotten started shopping yet. We were just letting the girls finish their ice cream." James answered, looking away from Avedra.

"Remus," Lily said, smiling up at him. "Had a good summer?"

"Not too bad," he said, wondering if he could say hello to Avedra. He turned to look at her, but she had her eyes lowered to the table. Before he could say anything, Sirius spoke.

"So, are we shopping today or what?" He asked, standing up.

"Well, I'm actually just along for the fun of it. Me and Mum got here early and I got my school things." Avedra said, as Sirius offered her a hand to pull her from her chair. She picked up her package of robes and Sirius took them from her.

"I'll carry this for you." He said, smiling.

"OK," she said, a little confused by the attention. He put his hand on the small of her back and pressed her forward.

Lily raised her eyebrow, but said nothing. She stood up and fell into step with Remus. James came around to walk on her other side. She looked at him, wondering if he knew what Sirius was up to, but didn't think she should ask him.

"Where to?" Sirius asked, turning his head to look behind him.

"I need potions ingredients, my new textbooks, and some quills and parchment," Lily said.

"I think we all need new textbooks, let's start at Florish and Blott's." James said.

Sirius and Avedra turned toward the bookstore. He still had his hand on the small of her back, as though she needed coaxing. She was going to say something to him about it, but when she looked up at him, he winked at her and grinned. She couldn't help but smile back. Whatever he was up to, it was probably pure mischief.

They walked into the cool interior of the bookstore and everyone set off in different directions to get their new books. Sirius grabbed Avedra's hand when she turned to follow Lily. He motioned toward one of the stacks and she followed, curious of what he was up to. He pulled her into the shadow of the stack and grinned down at her.

"I've been thinking," he whispered. "I'm pretty sure I know how to wake Remus up."

She crinkled her nose. "Wake him up?"

"Yes, you see, I think a good dose of jealousy will turn him around." He said, holding up their hands.

"You want to try to make him jealous?" Her eyebrow raised. Hadn't she promised herself she was going to let it go? What if it backfired? What if it didn't? "I'm not sure, Sirius. I think I'd rather just let it go."

Sirius looked down at her. "Come on, Ave. Can you honestly say you're over him? Don't you want him back?"

Avedra bit her lip. "Of course I'm not over him and I'd love to have him back. But Sirius, I don't want to play games with him. I want him to come back to me because he wants to, not because I fluttered about with his best mate." She squeezed his hand. "Thank you for the offer, but I'd rather just let it go. I'm not a game player, Sirius, I never was."

Sirius stared down intently at her. He knew that she didn't play the usual games that girls played to get the guy they wanted to pay attention, but he had been pretty sure that she'd want Remus back bad enough to give anything a try. Including, he thought with a far too upbeat feeling to be entirely innocent, dating him.

She tried to pull her hand from his, but he held on to it tight. Regardless of his failed attempt to get her to play on Remus' emotions, he wasn't ready to let her go. He'd waited six years to get this close to her, to hold her hand was something he'd only ever dreamt about. The hugs he'd snuck in, but this felt different.

"Does my holding your hand bother you?" He asked with a smirk.

Her brow furrowed while she considered this. "No, not really. It's just that I'm not willing to play the game, so what's the point?"

His smirk turned into a smile as he answered her honestly. "Maybe I just really want to hold your hand."

"Oh." She said, biting her lip. "Sirius, I'm fairly certain I'm not ready for-"

His hand squeezed hers in a comforting way. "It doesn't mean anything, Ave. I just feel like holding your hand. I'm not asking for more than this." Yet, he added in his head.

She smiled up at him. "Ok. Then feel free to hold my hand, Sirius." She giggled at her formality.

"Sirius," James said, suddenly behind him. "Aren't you planning on getting any of your books for this year?"

Sirius looked over his shoulder at his best friend, taking his eyes away from Avedra only out of necessity. If James noticed him holding her hand, he was taking care not to call attention to it. He sighed.

"You're right." He pulled Avedra out of the nook they had been practically hidden in, and they went about getting the books he'd need for the new school year. He kept her hand in his, only releasing her when he had to.

"Ok, where to next?" Avedra asked when they were back outside.

"I need potions ingredients," Lily said, turning toward the apothecary. Remus, James, and Sirius all nodded in agreement.

"I guess I'm the only one not continuing Potions." Avedra said, grinning.

"I thought you got all your OWLs," Lily said, turning her head to look back at her.

"I did, but I don't need it for my future career." She replied. She was extremely happy that this was the case. She didn't mix well with caldrons.

"So what are you planning on doing when we're finished at Hogwarts?" James asked, walking beside Avedra and Sirius.

"I'm following Mum's path," she said simply.

Sirius smiled down at her. It was exactly what he'd assumed she'd do when she left. And she'd be brilliant at it.

"So what are you planning on doing after school, Sirius?" She asked, looking up at him. The sunlight caught the pale green of her eyes and made them sparkle gold.

"I'm seriously, pardon the pun, considering Auror training." He said, giving her hand a squeeze.

"And you, James?" She asked, turning to look at James.

"Same, really. The war means the Ministry will need more." She nodded, smiling.

"And Lily is going to be a famous potions mistress," she said, with a grin. "And-" She stopped, she'd gotten to Remus and didn't know how to proceed. Luckily Lily covered for her.

"And Remus, what's your plan?" Lily asked, flicking her vivid red hair over her shoulder.

"I'd like to teach, I think. Honestly though, I'm probably going to have a hard time finding anyone who'll take me on as an employee." Everyone sobered a bit at the truth of this statement.

They reached the apothecary and Sirius found that he had to release his hold on Avedra so he could juggle his packages. Avedra wandered away from him, going to spend time with Lily.

"So, Avedra," Lily said, sounding stern.

Avedra had to control her urge to roll her eyes. "Yes, Mother?"

Lily lowered her voice so the boys couldn't over hear. "Would you like to explain why Sirius Black was holding your hand like you belong to him?"

Avedra sighed. Of course Lily would notice. She never missed anything. "He said he just likes to hold my hand." She said honestly.

"Are you trying to make Remus jealous?" She asked, pretending to study a barrel of dried beetles.

Avedra shook her head. "No, you know I don't play those games, Lily. It just, it feels nice. I think it's his way of comforting me. I know I scared you all and I think this is his way of letting me know he's here for me."

Lily looked up to study Avedra's face. She could tell that that's exactly what Avedra was taking his holding her hand as. She wasn't as sure.

"Ok," she said, grudgingly. "I just don't want you to rush into anything and get hurt." She left out the "again".

Avedra smiled. "I'm not rushing into anything. We're just friends."

Lily wondered how long Sirius was planning on letting her stay "just friends" as she watched him come to stand beside her. She had to admit, he had a caring, gentle way about him when he was with Avedra. He wasn't as abrasive today. She turned to see Remus looking at his best friend and his former girlfriend laughing over the barrel of beetles and saw a confused look on his face.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Avedra pushed the trolley carrying her trunk and Athena's cage through the crowd on Platform 9 3/4. Her mother walked briskly ahead, checking the train windows for sign of an empty compartment. She sighed thinking of her last trip on the school train and how Remus had greeted her and introduced her to his parents. Her mum stopped about halfway down the train, bringing Avedra to an abrupt halt behind her.

"I think this one is empty," her mother said, standing on her toes for a better view.

Avedra took her mother's word for it and bent to lift the trunk she'd magically lightened before leaving home. Two stronger hands beat her to it. She straightened up, and returned Sirius' smile. Behind him, James was talking to her mother.

"Hey, guys," Avedra said, picking up Athena's cage.

She watched as Sirius balanced her trunk and stepped easily onto the train. He turned in the opposite direction from the empty compartment her mother had pointed out. She called out and started to follow him to rectify the misunderstanding, when James' hand on her wrist stopped her.

"What's wrong, Ave?" He asked, taking Athena's cage from her.

"He's going the wrong way. The empty compartment is on the other side." She said, trying again to follow him, but James' tightened his grip.

"No, he didn't go the wrong way. You're sitting with us." James said, smiling at her.

"Well, that's much better than sitting alone until Lily's done patrolling," her mum said, smiling at her thoughtful friend. "Now you'll have company on the trip."

Avedra bit her lip. It wouldn't do to remind everyone who else would be in the compartment and how it might not be a good idea for her to be there too. Her mum had finally stopped hovering. Admitting that being around Remus still wasn't easy, wasn't going to build her confidence much. So she nodded her assent. If nothing else, she'd bury her nose into one of her books and pretend she was alone. Then again, she thought, it hadn't been so bad during the shopping trip. Sirius and James had kept her attention away from the fact that Remus still wasn't talking to her.

James gave her arm back and said a quick goodbye to her mother. She turned to her mum and told her goodbye before leaning in for a hug.

"Take care of yourself this year, Avedra." Her mother said, kissing her hair. "Don't do too much. Try for some balance." She pulled away and looked into her daughter's clear green eyes.

"Don't worry, Ms.-Calli," Sirius said, stepping off the train. "I'll make sure she takes it easier this year."

Avedra rolled her eyes at Sirius. "I'll be fine, Mum. Don't worry. I'll see you at Christmas. I love you."

"I love you too, honey." Her mother said, stepping back and watching as Sirius and Avedra boarded the train. They stood at the door, as the train began to move and waved until her mother disappeared from view.

"Come on," Sirius said, taking her hand. He led her down the corridor toward their compartment.

"Sirius, I would have been fine in my own compartment. Lily plans on joining me after she's through patrolling." Avedra said, but she didn't pull her hand out of his. It felt nice, comfortable.

"Of course you would have been." He answered. "But think of how you would have ruined James' day."

"Ruined James' day?" She said, raising her eyebrow. Then it clicked into place. Poor Lily. "You know, torturing Lily isn't my idea of a good time."

He chuckled as he tugged her into their compartment. Her trunk and Athena's cage had been stowed away overhead. James and Peter were sitting on one side of the compartment with an empty seat between them. Avedra took the seat across from Peter, beside the window and Sirius didn't hesitate to take the seat next to hers. Her hand was still in his. She saw Peter's eyes flash to them before meeting her eyes in confusion. She started to pull hers free, but Sirius tightened his grip.

"I wouldn't worry, Peter," James said, picking up the conversation they'd been having before Avedra and Sirius had joined them. "At least you can drop a few courses. A lighter workload might be just what you need."

"What courses are you dropping, Peter?" Avedra asked, smiling at the smallest Marauder.

"Divination, History of Magic, and Potions." He mumbled. "I have to take remedial Transfiguration."

"James is right, you shouldn't worry. I'll help you again this year." She promised.

"You're not going to overextend yourself this year, Ave." Sirius said firmly. "You don't have to try to do everything."

Avedra rolled her eyes. And James chimed in.

"He's right, Ave. This year we'll help too." He agreed. "There's no sense in you doing it all."

She sighed. Great, she thought, she'd left her hovering mother behind to be replaced by hovering friends. It was all her own fault though. If she hadn't fallen to pieces at the end of last year, then no one would be watching her like she'd break apart again. They really didn't have to worry. She'd decided that she wasn't willing to fall in love again. Too messy. People get hurt. She was the proof.

"So, did you do anything special this summer, Ave?" Sirius asked, rubbing calming circles on her hand.

"Nope," she answered. "Mum and I just hung out at the house, mostly. I helped her with a few charms she was developing. And no, it wasn't anything you'd be interested in."

Sirius' smiled didn't leave his face. He could care less about a new charm. He was holding her hand and she wasn't pulling away. Anymore. It was still a long way from kissing her, but he'd take what he could get.

"Is James' house still standing? I'm still not sure how the Potters could agree to house the two of you at the same time." She teased.

James chuckled. "We behaved ourselves admirably this summer."

They fell in the a comfortable silence that was only broken when the boys started speculating about Quiddich and their House's chances to win the cup this year. Avedra, not really interested in discussing tactical strategies, daydreamed while watching the landscape. She remembered the last time she was alone with James, Sirius, and Peter in a train compartment and blushed remembering how they'd reacted to her dressing in front of them. She lingered on Sirius' reaction to that scene. Surely, he didn't think of her _that_ way. She looked down to their joined hands and bit her lip. She considered having a talk with him, telling him the truth, that she couldn't risk falling in love again. Then she realized how awkward that would be and there was the chance that he'd start ignoring her too. She couldn't stand the thought of losing someone else, especially not one of her friends.

She looked back at their clasped hands. He wasn't making her feel awkward. It felt nice. Natural. His hand wasn't like Remus'. It didn't have the callouses, or the scars lining the back. They were smooth and strong. He squeezed her hand and she looked up to see him smiling down at her.

"Are we boring you?" He asked, sounding like he cared if they were.

"No, not really. I'm not listening to you at all." She said with a chuckle. "I think I was daydreaming."

"We can talk about something other than Quiddich," he offered.

"It's ok. Talk about whatever." She said, turning to look out the window again.

The door to their compartment opened at that moment though, and she turned toward the sound. It was Remus and Lily, who'd been laughing it seemed, until they noticed Avedra's hand in Sirius'. An awkward silence fell.

"There you are, Moony." Sirius said, easily. "The lunch trolley should be coming soon, now that you're here."

Remus shook his head as if clearing it. "Yeah, we didn't have much to do. The new prefects are eager to show their new authority." He took the seat between James and Peter.

"Hey, Lils." Avedra said, smiling at her best friend.

"Hey, Ave," Lily said, looking slightly uncomfortable. "Well, maybe I should go find Alice."

"Lily," Avedra said quietly, almost pleadingly. "Can't you stay here with me?"

Lily looked around, her glance lingering on the obviously eager face of James. She also hesitated on Remus. She nodded and took the empty seat beside Sirius, with a look like she was martyring herself. Avedra rolled her eyes. Honestly, James and Sirius weren't nearly as cocky as usual.

"So anything new at home, Lils?" Avedra asked, sitting up to look around Sirius.

"No, not really." She said, returning Avedra's smile with little reluctance. "Same as usual. Well, Petunia did find a boyfriend."

Avedra felt her eyes widen. Petunia wasn't someone she took to. Aside from her snide comments about the freakishness of Lily and Avedra, she was hard to like. The thought of Petunia finding a mate was rather incredible to her.

"Dare I ask, who?" Avedra asked, as Sirius and James started up their own conversations.

"An oaf named Dursley, Vernon Dursley." Lily said, rolling her eyes. "He's so 'normal' it's boring."

Avedra laughed and she and Lily continued talking until the lunch trolley showed up. Since she had to have both hands to eat and drink, Sirius reluctantly returned hers. Remus shifted a little in his seat, relaxing it seemed. She had just taken a drink of pumpkin juice when his familiar voice spoke to her.

"So, Avedra, have a nice summer?" His voice was quiet, but it put a stop to the others' talking.

Avedra concentrated on swallowing her drink, careful not to choke. Then she looked up to see him watching her carefully. She swallowed again for good measure and then answered, just as quietly. "It was fine."

He smiled. And she relaxed. He was being polite, she told herself. He couldn't ignore her forever. She noticed that no one else was talking and turned to look out the window. She wouldn't think about how wonderful his voice sounded, saying her name. She would not get her hopes up.

Slowly, as though they were hesitant to interrupt should Remus want to carry on a conversation with her, the others started talking. Sirius picked up her free hand and gave it a squeeze. She looked up into his dark eyes and smiled. It was nice, she thought, having him beside her, to keep her steady.


	30. Chapter 30

Author's Note: I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who's taken the time to read, and in some cases, review this story. I know it's taken some twists and I know that I don't stick to the pairing (sorry, but I find Severus, Sirius, and Remus equally fancy-able *toss in Lucius and my brain goes numb*). I promise, however, that the full story will come out, in due time (and hopefully it will be worth it). So thank you for reading and for reviewing.

Chapter 30

Remus watched as Sirius casually took Avedra's hand as they were leaving Transfiguration. His stomach twisted into a familiar jealous knot. Familiar because it had been a near constant companion since his trip to Diagon Alley. It was harder, possibly because it was one of his best friends, than he'd thought it would be seeing her with someone else. Watching her laugh and tease, watching her hand in someone else's hand was more uncomfortable than he'd imagined possible.

He fought off the urge to talk to Sirius about it. After all his assurances at the end of last year, his determination that it wouldn't bother him for Avedra to find someone else, he'd look ridiculous admitting that it wasn't the case. And, if he were being honest, it wasn't really fair of him to start making boundaries for who she was allowed to be with.

He sighed and walked along the corridors behind Sirus and Avedra as they all made their way to the Gryfindor common room to drop off their books and bags before dinner. He'd only taken a few steps before James fell into step beside him. He considered how he would feel if it were someone other than Sirius who was constantly with Avedra, but seeing as no other boys dared make a move with Sirius in place, it was a fruitless effort. There were plenty of envious looks, he noticed, but none of them acted. He wondered if they'd all looked at him with the same mixture of envy and awe the previous year.

"So, Moony," James said, breaking into his thoughts.

"Prongs," he offered absently.

"A week until the full moon, any ideas for our next adventure?" James asked as they wound their way to through the crowded corridors.

"Not really," Remus replied, trying to focus his thoughts. "Might be good weather for the forest."

He and James continued talking as they entered the portrait hole. They walked to an empty table by the fire and dropped their bags. As they were turning to leave, Avedra and Sirius came down the stairs of the boys' dormitory laughing. His stomach clenched and he fought back an almost irresistible urge to rush Sirius and punch him.

"See, I told you," Avedra was saying, as she looked up and saw Remus and James watching them come down the stairs.

"Well it's not fair,' Sirius answered. "Hey, guys. Did you know that the trick staircase only works on the girls' side?"

James raised an eyebrow at the sight of the two of them coming down from the boys' dorm. Then he remembered how he and Sirius had tried to go up the girls' staircase and the resulting slide. He also remembered how Avedra had had no trouble coming to find him when Remus needed saving from himself.

"Yeah, I knew that." James said, turning to walk out the portrait hole. A part of him wanted to pretend that two of his best friends weren't in love with the same girl, but he couldn't fool himself. He wasn't sure how this would work out and keeping clear of it was his best option.

Remus turned, but not before catching Avedra's blush. He wondered if she was embarrassed for being caught coming downstairs with Sirius. They obviously hadn't been doing anything, they hadn't been that far ahead of James and himself. He offered her a small smile then exited the portrait hole after James.

When James and Remus had left, Avedra sighed. Sirius gave her hand a gentle squeeze and she felt a little comforted. It was still awkward with Remus, even though he did talk to her now. She almost wished they could go back to the way things were before she kissed him outside the portrait hole the year before.

"Ready for dinner?" Sirius asked, bringing her back to the present.

She nodded. Exiting the portrait hole with her hand still in Sirius', she took the opportunity to glance in his direction. He really was very good looking, she had to admit to herself. And he was well on the way to becoming irreplaceable to her. She suddenly realized that it would hurt her a great deal if she were to lose him, not quite on the scale that the loss of Remus had cost her, but more than enough. Sighing, she squeezed his hand and wondered if she was setting herself up for more pain. Surely, once he realized she meant what she said about romance, he'd give up on her too.

"So, there's a Hogsmeade trip next weekend," Sirius said, breaking her away from bleak thoughts.

"Yeah, I suppose there is." She answered as they traveled the familiar path to dinner. Here it comes, she thought.

"You're probably going with Lily, aren't you?" He asked, glancing down at her. She nodded her assent. "Want to meet up with us around lunch? We could have a drink at the Three Broomsticks."

"Lily and I haven't actually talked about it, but I suppose, if I go we could meet you for a drink." She was carefully keeping it a group activity. The presence of their friends would hopefully keep things in perspective.

Sirius squeezed her hand and gave her a grin that had made plenty of girls fall all over themselves for an invitation to have drinks. She held back a sigh. What was she going to do with him?


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Avedra sat beside the lake with her cloak on, watching the wind ripple the water. Her mind was wandering, thinking about how easily everything can change. A year earlier she'd been seeing Severus, juggling the Marauders' quest for freedom, and clinging to a secret that wasn't hers to tell. Then came Remus. She sighed. And then everything got really complicated.

She heard a twig snap behind her and turned slightly to see who approached. She smiled up at Lily.

"Hey, Lils." Avedra patted the ground beside her. "Have a seat."

Lily smiled back and sat down. "I asked Sirius where you were, and for once he couldn't tell me."

"Sorry, were you looking for long?" She asked, turning back to the water.

"Not really. I just found it strange that you weren't hanging out in the common room with..." Lily stopped.

"Sirius," Avedra finished for her. "I'm having a hard time being diplomatic right now." She sighed.

"Well," Lily started, "what are you trying to be diplomatic about? Maybe I can help."

Avedra shut her eyes and held her breath for a moment. "Maybe that's not the right word. I just can't stop being with him and it means something different for each of us and what if I lose him too." She babbled.

"Lose him? Why would you lose him?" Lily's brow furrowed.

"Lily, you've seen how he looks at me. Everyone has seen how he looks at me. And sometimes, sometimes I can pretend that it's just a normal concerned friend look. I'm deluding myself." Avedra said, taking a deep breath. "He touches me, and it immediately calms me down, but he's not - it's not the same thing for both of us."

"Ave, he knows how you feel. You've been honest with him, I know you have. It's not like he's pushing for anything is it?" Lily asked, curiosity coloring her voice.

"No, he's not. Not yet, anyway." Avedra glanced over at her friend. "I've noticed that James has lowered his pestering quotient as well."

It was Lily's turn to stare out at the water. "Yes, he's lightened up a bit. I'm still pretty sure he's a conceited bully, but I'm enjoying the quiet."

"Hmm," Avedra began, wondering if what she said next would be greeted with an amiable response. "Sirius reminded me that this weekend is the first Hogsmeade trip of the year."

"Yeah, it is." Lily said, still watching the water.

"Well, he invited us," Avedra said, turning her face to the water too. "Not for the full day, but if around noon we felt like it, would you mind if we went to have a drink with him-them I mean."

Lily was quiet, thinking on it.

"I can understand if you don't want to. I probably shouldn't do it either, what with trying to not give Sirius the wrong idea." Avedra babbled to fill the silence.

"I think," Lily said, turning to Avedra, "that it would be ok to have a drink with them. I'm pretty sure that having a drink with him and his friends couldn't be too misconstrued."

Avedra couldn't tell if the knots in her stomach had to do with the worry she had about bringing it up with Lily or some other worry. She sighed, then remembered something she'd been meaning to do.

"Want to see something?" Avedra asked, standing up.

Lily stood up too. "Sure, what is it?"

"This," she whispered. She closed her eyes and with a pop turned into a wolf.

Lily looked down at her in wonder. "I knew you could, but you never showed me..."

Avedra tilted her head and gave a small whimper. Then, very unwolf-like, she winked at Lily and took off running around the lake.

Lily's laughter and Avedra's answering howl were carried away by the wind.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Saturday morning dawned bright and cool. Unfortunately, Lily did not.

"Oh, Lils," Avedra said, testing her friend's forehead with the back of her hand. "Want me to help you to the Hospital wing?"

Lily, who looked pale and tired, shook her head. "No, honestly the only thing I want to do is go right back to sleep."

"Yes, but don't you think a little Pepperup potion and the healing talents of Madame Pomfrey would make getting better a little easier?" Avedra said, wondering if she'd have to fight Lily to get her to the Hospital wing.

"Ugh." Lily said, wincing when Alice came in and threw back the curtains on the opposite side of her bed and unleashing the sun on the feverish patient.

"Come on, Lily," Alice said, "up you get. You can't just lie here in bed. Or would you prefer Avedra and I conjuring a stretcher to haul you off into the waiting arms of Madame Pomfrey?"

Lily's lip puckered out into a pout. She folded her arms and glared at the foot of her bed.

"Looks like a stretcher it is," Avedra said, raising her wand.

"No!" Lily shot her best friend a look usually reserved for James. "I'll come, I'll come."

After escorting Lily to the Hospital, Alice wandered off to meet up with Frank. Avedra waited until Lily was settled into her bed with Madame Pomfrey fretting around her.

"Go, Avedra," Lily said, pointing to the door. "Go have fun so you can regale me with tales when you come visit after Hogsmeade."

Avedra rolled her eyes and headed back to the tower to pick up her cloak. Halfway there she met up with James and Remus.

"Hey, Avedra," James said.

"Hey, guys," she answered. "Looks like a great day for Hogsmeade, doesn't it? Too bad Lily came down with a cold and can't come."

"Lily's sick?" Remus asked, brow furrowed. "How bad?"

"Oh, nothing too bad. She just has to stay in the Hospital so Madame Pomfrey can force feed her Pepperup Potion and fuss over her." Avedra said, calming his worry. "So unfortunately she won't be joining us for a drink later."

James sighed. "Yeah, well we won't be joining in the Hogsmeade trip either."

"Oh? Why?" Avedra asked, wondering what she missed.

"Professor Slughorn didn't exactly find our joke in Potions as funny as we did. We're headed to the dungeons for our punishment." Remus said, shrugging.

"Well that's terrible." Avedra said. "I hope the joke was worth the punishment, but I won't push for the details. I'm sure 'have fun' isn't the right sentiment, but I hope you're not too miserable while disemboweling rats or whatever he thinks to have you do."

"At least we have each other," James said, grinning. "If you go to see Lily later, tell her I hope she feels better."

"Will do. Well, you'd better be off. Being late for detention wouldn't exactly be in your best interest." She grinned at the two of them and went off to the tower to gather her things.

As she got to the portrait hole, Sirius was stepping out. She called out for him to hold the door. He smiled down at her as she came closer to get through. Instead of following through on leaving, he followed her inside.

"What's gotten you up and about so early?" He asked as he walked her to the girls' staircase.

"Lily," she answered. "She was really sick this morning, so Alice and I forced her to the hospital wing. And I just passed James and Remus as I was coming up. They're not coming out either. And it looked like such a good day to go to Hogsmeade."

"You're still going, aren't you?" He looked worried that she was backing out.

"I guess," she said. "Peter's still coming isn't he?"

"No," Sirius said, shaking his head. "Professor McGonagall gave him extra work to try to bring his Transfiguration grade up. He's going to have his nose to the grindstone the rest of the weekend."

"Oh," Avedra said, wondering if it was worth the bother to go.

"We could still go," Sirius said. "Just because all of our friends have found themselves indisposed doesn't mean that we can't go and try to enjoy the first trip of the year."

"Yeah, I guess we could." She said, sounding halfhearted. "I could pick Lily something sweet from Honeyduke's to brighten her day."

Sirius reached out and took her hand. "Or we could stay here and do something together?"

There it was again. Him putting the two of them together to do things, to be together, when it really didn't mean what he wanted it to mean. She should put an end to it, right now. Then she considered something she hadn't thought of before. Maybe she could just go along with the flow, maybe she could let herself go and just have fun with him. What could be the worst that could happen? She could have fun, she could recapture a little of the old Avedra, before things got so damn complicated.

She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Actually, let's try Hogsmeade first. Then if it's boring, we'll come back here and hang out."

Sirius didn't know what made her go from halfhearted to full, but he wasn't willing to question anything that pushed her in his direction. He knew, he never forgot that she didn't feel what he felt. At least she didn't yet. He had hopes that his persistence and availability to her would be a push in his favor. He liked having her friendship, but he knew that having her as a girlfriend would top that.

He released her hand and let her go up the stairs to gather her things. Soon, maybe not today or tomorrow, but soon he'd make his move. Hopefully she wouldn't pull back. For now he'd settle for making her have a great day.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Avedra entered Hogwarts laughing. She looked up at Sirius whose answering bark of a laugh echoed through the hall. They'd done a lot of that during their trip to Hogsmeade. Laughing, joking, and playing they'd enjoyed their day immensely. Nothing, not even the glowering of Severus from across the room in the Three Broomsticks could dampen their mood.

"I should go give Lily our present," she said, feeling a tug at the thought of walking away from the lightness that had enveloped her with Sirius.

"Do you mind if I come too?" Sirius asked, holding up the basket of goodies they'd picked up at Honeyduke's. "I don't think you'll be able to carry this more than a couple feet."

"There you go forgetting I'm a witch again," she teased. "I was planning on doing a simple levitating charm and poof there it goes down the hall."

She winked up at him, for once not thinking about how he'd take it wrong or not. He grinned down at her and gathered her hand in his.

"Oh, I never forget you're a witch," he answered, "but I wasn't planning on ending our day so soon."

"Sirius, I can't talk to Lily the way I want to talk to Lily when you're there." She flirted.

"Ah," he said, suddenly understanding. She needed girl time after their day of pleasure. "I should probably go see if James held up under Potions torture. See you later?"

"No, I'm planning on hiding from you in the crowd of the common room." She replied sarcastically.

He rolled his eyes and squeezed her hand. It was only for a moment, but in that moment her heart skittered.

"See you later, Ave." He said before releasing her hand and walking away.

She was still grinning when she reached the Hospital a few minutes later. Lily was propped up on some pillows, reading a book. She raised her head as the basket levitated toward her.

"It's about time." She said, setting the book on the bedside table.

Avedra set the basket down by the book and lowered her wand. Lily looked noticeably better, but knowing Madame Pomfrey, she wouldn't be able to step foot out of the Hospital until Monday.

"Did you miss me, Lils?" Avedra asked, shredding her cloak. She draped it over the chair beside the bed and perched herself on the bed.

"It's horribly boring here. After the Pepperup potion and a nap, I felt like jogging around the castle, but Madame Pomfrey says I can't. I'm not to leave until Monday." Lily pouted.

"So you're feeling better? I doubt I need to tell you that you look much better." Avedra said, smiling.

"Tell me you had a horrible time at Hogsmeade with the merry band of rule breakers and I'll feel much better." Lily said, trying hard to keep the pout in place.

"Hmm," She said, mocking thinking. "Well, I could tell you that, but it would be misleading."

"I knew it, you all went and had a wonderful time without me." Lily sighed.

"No, not quite." Avedra answered. "Actually James and Remus had detention with Slughorn. And Peter is currently on academic probation so he couldn't go."

"It was just you and Sirius?" Lily whispered, the pouting lip disappearing. Her forehead was crinkled in worry.

"Don't give me that look. It wasn't bad. Actually we had a lot of fun." Avedra said, defensive.

"I thought you were trying to not give him the wrong idea." Lily said quietly.

Avedra smiled. "Oh, Lils. Sirius and I are friends and I realized I was making things more complicated than they need to be." She sighed. "I just spent a great day with a great guy. We laughed and joked. We had fun picking out your basket. And you know what, he knows me. I let my guard down and he didn't make a move."

Lily bit her lip. She was wondering if Sirius was luring Avedra into a false sense of security before he tried to pounce. Then again, she thought, maybe Avedra knew what she was getting into. She'd seen Avedra briefly happy with Severus, passionately happy with Remus, but she couldn't remember seeing her content like she looked today. At least, not since last year.

"Ok," Lily said, making up her mind to let it go. "So tell me all about your day. What did you guys do?"

Avedra smiled and launched into her tale.

Sirius found James and Remus in a corner of the common room. Peter was at a table nearby, a stack of transfiguration books tottering beside him. He made his way over, trying unsuccessfully to tone down his jubilant expression.

"Hey, Prongs. Hey, Moony." He called as he got closer. "Watch out, Wormtail, that top book's going to..." Too late, the book fell with a loud thud on top of Peter's head. Sirius stopped in his tracks, waiting until he saw Peter shake his head. He let out a bark of laughter and shook his own head.

Remus had rushed over to Peter's table and was checking out the damage. James had only shifted a glance toward Peter before turning back to Sirius.

"There you are, Padfoot. You went to Hogsmeade without us?" James asked, waiting to confirm his suspicions about just who Sirius went to the village with.

"Well, someone had to go have fun and with you and Remus shut away all day and Peter balancing his books, I felt the task fell to me." Sirius grinned as he stole Remus' chair.

"I'm sure you took up the challenge with gusto," Remus said, grabbing an empty chair and dragging it to the corner.

"Certainly," Sirius answered.

"What did you do, entertain Madame Rosemerta all by yourself?" James asked.

"Not a bit, there's a goblin meeting of some sort taking place in town. The bar was too packed for my charms to work to their advantage." He said, leaning back in his chair.

"So why do you look like you ate live fairies?" Peter grunted from behind his stack.

"Ah, Wormtail, old boy, why else would a man look lit up? I spent the day with a beautiful woman." Sirius bragged.

"Thought you said Madame Rosemerta was busy." Remus said, picking up a Daily Prophet someone left lying on a stand.

"She was, but she is not the only beautiful woman to be had." Sirius answered, looking smug.

James wondered how far Sirius would take his teasing. And he wondered if he were about to see two of his best friends fight.

Remus idly turned the pages of the paper, reluctant to give Sirius more room to brag. He wondered why his friend looked like the cat that ate the canary, but he was almost afraid to know. He contented himself to not taking the bait.

Peter slammed shut a book and two more fell from the stack. After a muffled "Ow" he asked the question his friends had been waiting for, "Who's the beautiful woman, Sirius?"

"Ah, Wormtail, that would be," Sirius began.

"A story for another time," James finished. He looked pointedly at Sirius, who shrugged, not having the decency to look abashed.

Remus knew that James was holding Sirius back from answering and he knew why. Sirius had spent the day with Avedra. A full day of just the two of them. And the way his friend was lit up it went well. He bit down on his feeling of jealousy. This wasn't his business. He'd wanted Avedra to have a healthier relationship and he wanted what was best for her. Wasn't Sirius good enough?

He considered it for a moment as an outsider. Sirius was loyal, fun, and, judging by all the girls who followed him with their eyes when he walked down the hall, handsome. He was a great friend. As someone with no vested interest in the outcome, Sirius fit the bill. And most importantly, he was one of Remus' best friends. Not only did he continue his friendship after finding out about his condition, but he found a way to help out during the transformations.

In that Remus found his answer. If Sirius wanted to pursue Avedra, then Remus would do nothing. It wasn't his place and he wanted what was best for both Avedra and Sirius. If they decided that the best was in each other, then he'd have no part in tearing them apart.

"So did Avedra have fun?" Remus heard himself asking. He looked up with a smile and Sirius positively beamed back at him.

That was all it took for the whole story to come out about their day.


	34. Chapter 34

Note: OK, guys. You've been great so far, but you really have to bear with me. I know I listed this as a "Remus/OC" fic, and I promise you'll get what you came for, but you have to wait for the story to unfold. As always thanks for reading and reviewing!

Chapter 34

The change was subtle. It wasn't as gossip worthy as when Avedra and Severus started dating or when Avedra fell in love with Remus. Perhaps everyone had gotten bored with the "is she or isn't she" contemplation, or maybe the fact that Sirius had been at her beck and call since the beginning of the school year lessened the surprise.

It was so subtle that Avedra didn't really notice the change. The way people said "Avedra and Sirius" in the same breath, or how both the guys and the girls were shooting them envious looks was lost on her. All she knew was that she was content. She and Lily were best friends, but Sirius was almost as close to her. There were things that she couldn't tell him, things that if he knew he'd be bursting with pride over. Those things were heard by Lily.

"It's a little weird, Lils." Avedra said, coming into the dorm and tossing down her bag.

"What's a little weird?" Lily asked, propped up on her bed with a book in her hands.

"Sirius is planning on hanging out with the guys tonight," she started, looking out the dorm window as the sun began to lower.

"That's not weird," Lily said, marking her place in the book. "It's the first night of the full moon, where else did you think he'd be?"

Avedra shook her head. "I didn't finish. We were saying goodnight a minute ago, and my heart sort of stuttered a bit. It's weird because I don't think of Sirius that way."

Lily carefully looked up at her best friend. She knew that Avedra didn't want to think of Sirius that way, that she was being more careful after last year. She also knew, from watching the other girls their year, that Sirius Black could be more charming than irritating.

"Well," she replied. "There are lots of reasons your heart could have stuttered. Was Remus nearby when you were saying goodnight?"

Avedra shook her head again. "No, Madame Pomfrey had already taken him down to the Whomping Willow. Look, it's not a big deal. I'm probably just on edge, you know, because they'll all be gallivanting all night."

"It's a possibility. There are other possibilities though." Lily said, putting her book on her bedside table.

"Like what?" Avedra asked taking her hair down from a messy bun.

Lily managed to not roll her eyes by sheer force of will. Sometimes, she thought, Avedra could be completely clueless about obvious things.

"Well, it could mean that you...I mean, that you could maybe," Lily found herself at a loss. She knew she could just blurt it out, but she didn't want to hurt Avedra.

"Wow, there's a sight I rarely see. Lily speechless." Avedra joked. She grabbed her pajamas from the foot of her bed and wandered off to the girl's bathroom.

Lily considered her options. She could pretend that nothing was going on with Avedra and Sirius and wait until her best friend bumped her head and realized what was staring her in the face. She could tell Avedra that not only did Sirius like her, but she had an inkling that the feeling was becoming mutual. Or maybe, just maybe, she could...nope, there seemed to be only two options.

She threw her hands up in the air and fell back on the pillow, sighing. She had thought that she had it rough with Potter trying her patience with the constantly repeating efforts at romancing her. Suddenly Potter and his attentions weren't looking so bad.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Remus watched as Sirius took Avedra's hand. There was still an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach every time he watched the scene play out in front of him, but he was growing used to it. Avedra was happier, and it was thanks to Sirius. The return of the girl that he'd fallen in love with was enough to make him more grateful than jealous.

His eyes followed them as they walked into the teeming corridor. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed that he wasn't the only one watching them leave class together. Severus' dark gaze was intent upon them as well. The difference between how Remus viewed the scene and how Severus saw it was measurable. Where Remus watched as a concerned friend, Severus looked as though he were seeing red.

Remus shook his head and made his way from the classroom. He'd have to mention to Sirius that Severus looked murderous. Something in the other boy's gaze made him nervous for his friend and Avedra. He wasn't certain if anything would come of it, but he would warn Sirius, just in case. He suppressed a sigh. Would things ever go back to normal?

Sirius and Avedra were happily unaware of Remus' concerns. Sirius was wondering when he'd feel confident enough to kiss the girl beside him, whether he'd ever be certain of her feelings for him. Avedra was thinking idly about whether she'd need her free period to finish her charms work, or if it would really be a free period. They chatted about inconsequential things, bantering lightly as Sirius' thumb rubbed soothing circles on the back of her hand.

"You never told me," Avedra said, as Sirius offered the Fat Lady the password and stood back to let her go through the portrait hole first.

"Never told you what?" He asked, sliding in behind her.

"What do you four do? You know, on the nights of the full moon?" She asked, sitting in an overstuffed armchair by the fireplace.

"Oh," he muttered. "It depends on what we plan, really."

"That's a nice, non-answer." She said, rolling her eyes.

He grinned at her as she pulled her charms book from her bag. "Why do you want to know? Planning on joining us?"

She paled, thinking back to the night she did join and his grin turned to a grimace. She looked down at her book, trying hard to forget the night that everything changed. Her hands were shaking as she tried to open it.

Sirius reached over and put his hand on hers. "I'm sorry, Avedra. For-"

A sigh escaped her lips. "I know," she shook her head. "It's like a bandage, you know? Every time I think it's done healing, something comes along and rips it open again."

"You didn't let me finish. I...I never apologized to you. I apologized to Remus, but I never...I never asked you for forgiveness. I'm sorry, Ave. So sorry that you'll never know how guilty I felt...for risking your life." He looked down at his hand on hers.

He didn't say, nor did he have to, that he was sorry for how far she had to go to protect Remus from himself. He didn't know the words to say to take away the pain that forced the two of them apart. Yes, he'd wanted her for himself, but not at a cost to her or to Remus.

Sirius looked up to her face and lost his breath. She was looking at him, really looking at him as if seeing him for the first time. There were tears on her cheeks, but her eyes were clear and bright. She slowly smiled at him and turned her hand so she was holding his. He reached out with his free hand and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"I think," she whispered, "that I forgive you."

He swallowed, trying to remedy his dry throat. He leaned toward her, and she tilted her head to meet his. His lips brushed hers, feeling her warm breath against his mouth. His hand cupped her cheek as he leaned closer to her, deepening the kiss.

When his lips first brushed hers, she felt her heart tug and whisper Remus' name. When the kiss deepened, she found herself focused on Sirius. The way his hand felt against her cheek, of how his lips tasted, on simply the comfort she found in him. It was different, she later reflected, than both Severus and Remus. With Severus there was a taste of rebellion, of going against what was expected of her. With Remus is was first love and passion. Sirius was just that, Sirius. She was comfortable and content.

Lily walked into the common room, just as Sirius leaned toward Avedra. She watched them talking seriously, and saw a small shift in what she was used to seeing. She saw Avedra comforting Sirius, Avedra taking his hand. And in that small gesture, she knew that Avedra had figured it out. She walked upstairs to the dorm hoping that her best friend knew what she was doing and wouldn't get hurt.

Remus and James entered the common room as Sirius' lips brushed Avedra's. James looked at Remus, trying to decipher the look on his face. He'd gone pale and his breath blew out in a mixture of sigh and groan, as though someone socked him in the stomach. James put his hand on Remus' shoulder and tried turning him away from the scene unfolding in front of him, but Remus stood firm, taking it all in.

Remus' mind was in a whirlwind. There was Avedra, his Avedra, with her hands in Sirius' hair and her lips pressed against his. The room felt tilted and airless. Why couldn't he get any air? Possibly because he'd stopped breathing after seeing the first brush of lips. Suddenly he couldn't understand why he'd been so complacent about Sirius seeing Avedra. Why he hadn't fought for her, why he wasn't sitting in the corner with her lips on his? Nothing made sense. Not the sight before him, or the hand on his shoulder trying to steer him away.

He blinked, trying to find his rational self, while the more animal part of him yearned for Sirius' blood. He turned to find James looking at him in shock and possibly fear. He had to get a grip on himself. He shook off James' hand and stalked to the portrait hole. What he needed now was to be alone, maybe then he could calm down and find a way to understand why this had happened. He needed to not see Avedra and Sirius, together, for however long it would take him to become rational again.

Sirius' mind was whirling too as he pulled back from Avedra. Finally, after years of wanting to kiss her, hold her, he'd done it. And, as if that weren't enough, she'd kissed him back. His fantasies had been lacking. The reality was so much better. He looked down at her glassy eyes and smiled. Her lips were redder, and her cheeks were flushed. She was utterly beautiful. And now, hopefully, she was his.

"That was," he whispered.

"Wonderful?" She whispered back. Her teeth worried her bottom lip.

"Yes," he agreed. His hand was still cupping her cheek and he let his thumb trace her lips. She let her tongue flick out and touch the pad of his thumb and he sucked in a breath.

She looked up into his dark eyes and smiled. He looked a little punch drunk. Pretty much how she felt at the moment. She felt wrapped up in him, in the corner of the common room, as though they'd erected a private bubble of their own.

"I didn't," she started. He looked curiously down at her. "I mean, I didn't exactly plan to do this."

Avedra didn't know what she was saying, or why she was saying it, but she felt like she couldn't stop.

"I thought, I thought that this year would be different. That I'd stay independent and alone. I didn't want to let anyone else in..." She was babbling, she knew it, but she wanted to say it. "Then you took my hand, and suddenly I wasn't alone. You've been so- I've felt so-" She couldn't go on.

Sirius let his hand fall from her face and pick up one of her hands. And then there it was, the calm, the steadiness that was missing. She sighed in contentment.

"I'll always be here for you, Avedra." Sirius promised.

"I know," she whispered, squeezing his hand.

They were so wrapped up in each other, that neither one of them saw James' approach. His shadow fell over them and rocked them out of their bubble. His face was a mask, a worried mask.

"Sirius," he said, looking away from them. "We need to talk. In private."

Sirius' eyebrows pulled together in worry. He leaned forward and pecked Avedra on the lips and stood up, excusing himself. Avedra looked at the two boys walking away from her and felt worry of her own. She stood and walked to the girls' dorm. Something wasn't right, she thought, but she didn't know just what wasn't.


	36. Chapter 36

OK, first of all, I'm SORRY that it took so long to update this story. I didn't give up on it, I just have more on my plate than most people would suspect (and I lost my flash drive with the update on it). Hopefully I'll be on my toes a little more now. So sorry, and keep reading!

Chapter 36

Inside the boys' dorm, James faced Sirius with a worried expression on his face. Sirius had a feeling he knew what was about to be said, but he couldn't help reflecting on how wonderful Avedra's lips had felt on his.

"Sirius," James said, looking at the floor to gather his thoughts. "I'm not sure you know what you're doing with Avedra."

"Funny that," Sirius replied. "I thought we were kissing. Was I wrong?"

James sighed. "Yes, but Remus saw."

"As well he should. I'm not about to go sneaking around the castle like a criminal with the girl I like. James, you heard him as well as I did. He said he didn't care who she ended up with as long as it kept her safe from him." Sirius started to pace the length of the room. This wasn't fair. Remus was the one who kept insisting that everything was fine and suddenly they aren't anymore.

"Sirius, Remus is in love with her." James said quietly. "How would you feel-"

"How would I feel if I saw Remus holding her everyday? How would I feel if she was kissing him?" Sirius snapped. "It hurt me, James, maybe not as much as it hurts him. Maybe he hurts worse because he knows what she feels like pressed against him. Or maybe because he misses the taste of her lips. It still hurt. I didn't see you taking him aside and telling him to tone it down because it bothered me."

James closed his eyes in defeat. "I know, Padfoot, but if you'd seen him. He almost looked bestial."

"Are you worried that we hurt him, or that he'll hurt us?" Sirius asked bluntly.

James eyes snapped open. "Remus wouldn't-"

"He already did, Prongs." Sirius ground out. "Do you not remember what it was like when she came out of the shack? Do you forget what she looked like before she was sent to the hospital?"

"No, I haven't forgotten." James whispered. "He didn't mean to hurt her."

"And yet he hurt her nonetheless. We're still here talking about how it's fine for him to hurt her, because he didn't mean it, but it's not ok for her to move on if it hurts him." Sirius said, pointing his finger. "That seems pretty unfair."

"If you'd just listen to reason." James pleaded. "Maybe if you talk to him."

"Or maybe I'll go right back to kissing the girl _I _love, because right or wrong, I do love her." Sirius turned away from his best friend. "I'm not going to give her up, James. Not without a fight."


	37. Update

Thanks for being so patient with me for my lack of updates (LOL lizzy). I promise that there is more coming, you just have to bear with me. Lots of personal stuff, blah blah blah. And, alright, I've been ogling Ian Somerhalder (conservationalism, animal rights activist, and hot? What's not to love?).


	38. Chapter 38

Note: Ok, here's a new chapter. I won't make any timeline promises, but I hope to write more in the coming weeks. Now I know that I put this under Remus/OC and it is in fact Remus/OC, Severus/OC, and Sirius/OC…there wasn't a button for that. (And consider yourself lucky that she didn't take a fancy to Lucius while he was in school.) Anyway, here's the first of what I hope is more to come! Oh and WARNING: This will go until their first year out of school.

Chapter 37

Remus sat thinking in the Room of Requirement. He was surrounded by the cushions the room provided for Avedra's practice room. He was remembering all the times it had been him, not Sirius, holding her hand, brushing an errant curly behind her ear, or sitting in a quiet corner kissing or talking. She'd picked him, in spite of his problem, and he'd ruined it.

He was calmer than he had been in the common room. Without her and Sirius life-sized and in living color, it was easier to be rational. Without the spotlight that seemed zoned on them, Remus found it quite simple to reflect on his time with Avedra. He also took ample opportunity to remind himself why Sirius, and not Remus, was a preferred companion for her affections.

Every time he closed his eyes two pictures warred within him. One was the memory of what she'd looked like after she got out of the hospital the previous year. How thin and worn she'd looked tormented him. The other was a flash of her reaching out to kiss Sirius. This was a new torture, but one he had to get used to, for her sake. He would not, no matter how his heart clenched, put her in danger again. Sirius was the better option, he kept telling himself. It's what he wanted for her.

He was in the middle of his internal chanting of "Sirius is better for her," when Sirius walked in the room. He looked as irritated as Remus had felt when he first walked in the room.

"Oh, it's you." Sirius basically grunted. His fists were clenched at his sides and it took all of his power to not rush Remus and wipe the grim look on his face.

Remus sighed and looked down at his own hands. At hands that he knew would become a monster's at the turning of the moon. Sirius' hands, unlined, not calloused. Hands, in short, that could hold her without fear of harming her. Hands the complete opposite of his own.

"Sirius," Remus started, but Sirius cut in.

"I've watched her for six years, Remus. I've watched her look at different guys with eyes that could light up a room. It was never me. For me, I got the friend look. Do you think, that for one moment, of all those looks I didn't feel horrible?" Sirius was opening up and telling Remus what he never told anyone. "I felt like my chest would rip in two. Then, and I'm not happy it happened, don't think I am, but you hurt her. Not the physical part, no, the part that nearly killed her was you pretending you didn't care anymore. And for once, just once, I could help her. She turned and I was there. Today was one of the first days she's looked at me and not seen you."

Remus swallowed hard. He hadn't really noticed that Sirius looked at her any differently than at any pretty girl. Sirius, who never took anything seriously, was serious about Avedra. In that knowledge, he had his answer. He really was the better choice. He wasn't playing some game with her. This wasn't a horrible prank. Sirius was in love with her.

"Sirius," Remus said quietly. The fact that he wasn't screaming at Sirius, stopping Sirius in his verbal bombardment. "I get it, you're in love with her."

It was Sirius' turn to sigh. "Yeah, for years now."

"Why didn't you tell us? I mean, James, Peter, and me?" Remus asked, shifting on the pillow he was sitting on.

Sirius dropped onto a pillow across from him. "I don't know. I guess because she didn't look at me like that. I didn't want you to know that I was being turned inside out."

"I might not have dated her if I had known." Remus said, looking Sirius in the eye.

"If any of us deserved a chance at dating Avedra, it was you." Sirius replied, without malice. "You deserved a chance at happiness."

"So do you," Remus answered. "It was harder than I thought it would be, seeing her kiss you."

"She didn't do it to hurt you," Sirius said, protectively. "That was one of my ploys to get her, you know, making you jealous. She turned me flat down."

"She'd never try to hurt someone intentionally, for all her silly attacks at you and James." Remus smiled, remembering all the times she'd charmed James and Sirius over the years. Now he knew that Sirius treasured those times for different reasons.

"She still loves you," Sirius offered, with trying for a nonchalant smile. "I know it, even though she tries to hide it from me."

Remus shook his head. "She shouldn't. After everything I did, she should hate me."

"She still doesn't blame you." Sirius said, calm now. "Avedra is the most amazing girl I've ever met."

"That _we've _ever met. Look, I know that I didn't take the two of you kissing so well." Remus said. "I'm not going to stand in your way, though, you're the better option for her and that's all that matters to me."

Sirius looked down to where his hands had finally unclenched. He thought about what Remus was saying. He had such a skewed view of the situation. Remus was good, through and through, no matter about his condition. Somehow Sirius knew that telling him that wouldn't change his mind about the matter, but he couldn't have one of his best friends not thinking they were good enough.

"You're not a bad choice either, Remus." He said, still staring at his hands. "I want you to be happy, just as happy as I was earlier as I am now, but I don't want to have to give her up for that to happen."

"You're not going to give her up," Remus answered. "You're right for her, regardless. You're what she needs now."

"And later, do you think she'll need me later?" Sirius asked, looking up.

Remus shook his head and shrugged. "Who knows what Avedra might need later?"


	39. Chapter 39

Short chapter, but I have a feeling, that there's more to come. (crosses fingers and toes)

Chapter 38

Avedra was never quite certain what had happened between James and Sirius and possibly Remus. Sirius never burdened her with it, and there wasn't any awkwardness between the friends the next morning at breakfast. In fact, it seemed that Sirius and Remus were more chummy. No one even flinched when Sirius stopped her for a good morning hug and kiss.

As the weeks passed, and fall turned to winter, even Lily seemed to settle into life amidst the Marauders. James had fallen off on his more desperate plays for her attention, and was trying, with some success to prove that he was growing up. It was fascinating to Avedra to watch James tone down his more exuberant hexing abilities, to settle into asking Lily politely how she was getting on in Potions.

One day, close to the holiday break, found Lily and Avedra alone in the common room while their merry band of boisterous males roamed the grounds as animals. They sat together in comfy chairs around a table, Lily correcting Peter's Transfiguration paper, while Avedra wrote her mother a letter with a special holiday request. The room was quiet, but for the scratch of their quills and the crackling of the fire. Then Lily snorted.

Avedra's head popped up, "Oh dear, is he still not learning anything useful?" She gestured toward the parchment Lily was toiling over.

"No," Lily said, with a chuckle. "It's not Peter. I was just having an idle thought."

Avedra raised an eyebrow. "Which was?"

"Oh, nothing." Lily said, her checks blushing scarlet.

Avedra looked at her suspiciously. "Nothing. Then why the unladylike snort? And now a blush?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Ok, ok. I was thinking about something Potter did in Slughorn's class the other day."

"Oh, really? And you just idly think about random things that Potter does in Potions, now?" Avedra was wondering if James' attempts at growing up were working.

"It's just," Lily said, with an air of justification. "He's actually rather, well, I just noticed that he's not…"

Avedra's eyebrows rose so high they nearly disappeared. "Lily Evans! Do you fancy James Potter?"

Lily looked down at the parchment, but Avedra could see that her face was flame red. Dear Merlin, she thought, he's deflated his head and now she thinks he's attractive. She considered it from Lily's point of view, while her friend went back to correcting Peter's work with shaking hands. Now that he's not hexing people for the fun of it, and he's proving that arrogance isn't what it takes to woo someone like Lily, she could see her point. That and he's more careful that his treatment of Snape isn't done right under her nose. Wow, she thought, pondering Lily and James without a shield charm between them.

"Lily," she said, quietly.

"Hmm," Lily answered, her face resuming it's creamy complexion, but still steadfastly not looking at her best friend.

"I'm sorry." Avedra said. "It's none of my business."

Lily sighed and looked up. "It's not that. I'm just not sure, yet. He's funny and smart, but I'm not convinced he's as mature as he's pretending."

"Don't worry, I won't say a word. To anyone." She added, knowing that Lily would understand she meant Sirius.


	40. Chapter 40

Told you there'd be more…

Chapter 39

The day before the holidays, Avedra and Lily were joined in the common room late at night by the four Marauders. They were sitting around the fire, chatting and joking.

"Guys," Avedra said, calling their attention away from a particularly riveting story about a Quiddich hoop and James flying full speed into it. "I've had a letter from my mum this morning and I wanted to tell you what we've planned."

Lily was smiling, having heard it that very morning during breakfast.

"I asked my mom a few weeks ago if she thought it would be possible to have you all around during break, for a holiday party of sorts." Avedra said, looking around at the boys. "She's been busy so she hadn't had a chance to answer until today."

Sirius looked up at her expectantly. He was hoping her mum agreed. He could definitely use an excuse of mistletoe with his new girlfriend.

"She's said yes," she said grinning. "I'm to give you all the address of our house, so you can floo in a week after school's out."

"Woo hoo," Sirius called.

"Hold it, Sirius," Lily said, trying to calm him down. "There's more."

"It's not just a party for us," Avedra said, looking down at her hands. "It's a little more official than that."

"What do you mean, Avedra?" Remus asked.

"I mean, my mother's been in contact with Professor Dumbledore, since last year. Actually, the way the letter read, they've been in contact for a bit longer. Anyway, there's something he'd like to ask us and my mum thought, if you all came and your parents too if they want, she could kill two birds with one stone."

The boys all looked at one another trying to decide what Dumbledore couldn't tell them while they were safe within the halls of Hogwarts. Regardless, the invitation for a get together was enough to insure that they wanted to come. They were all curious about Avedra's mother. The chance meetings they'd had so far had only increased their curiosity as did her relationship with their headmaster.

"You had me at 'mistletoe'," said Sirius, grinning at his girlfriend.

She gave him a crooked smile and countered with, " I don't recall mentioning mistletoe, Padfoot."

"It's a holiday party," agreed James. "There's bound to be mistletoe."

Lily rolled her eyes and nudged Avedra to go on. "Oh, and my mom said Professor Dumbledore wanted a few other students invited. Alice and Frank, and a few from the other houses that I know only by name. I'm hoping I picked out the right ones this morning when I invited them."

"Do you think," Remus started, looking around to be sure they were the last in the common room, "that it might have something to do with the Deatheaters?"

Lily and Avedra shared a thoughtful glance. Lily answered. "We think that might be one of the reasons Calli chose the people she did. Some of their families have been targets."

"Regardless of what they want to talk to us about, we can still have a good time. I mean, if you want to come, that is." Avedra said, looking around at her friends.

"Of course we'll come," James said, nodding. "Well, me and Sirius and probably my parents. I can't vouch for Remus and Peter."

"I'm fairly certain I'll be able to come. Not completely sure about Dad, but Mum will probably come along." Remus said.

"I don't know," Peter answered, quietly. "The way I'm going, I'll probably be studying."

"If you want, Peter," Avedra said kindly. "I can have my mum contact your parents. Maybe if they know that Professor Dumbledore wants to see you, they'll relent."

Peter nodded and James clapped him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Wormtail, we'll get you there in the end."

Remus stood up, stretching. "Well, we're off in the morning, so I'm heading to bed."

James and Peter both stood too. Lily yawned and nodded. They said their good nights and left Sirius and Avedra sitting by the fire, alone.

"You'd think they'd work out how to not look like they planned that." Sirius said, drawing Avedra into his arms.

She chuckled and snuggled into his chest. "I take it you're not complaining?"

"Never." He said, kissing the top of her head. "I'll take alone time with you, anytime I can get it."

She yawned and closed her eyes, listening to his heart beat against her ear. He let her relax for a few minutes before speaking again.

"I'm curious," he whispered.

"About?" She asked, just as quietly.

"Ok, I'm curious, but I don't want you to be upset with me." He said, reaching down to lift her chin so he could see her eyes.

"Why do you think I'd be upset?" She asked, staring into his eyes.

"It's about when you were with…" he started.

"Remus?" She said, still watching his face.

"Yes," he answered, sighing. "I don't want to bring it up, but I'm curious."

"I can't promise I won't be uncomfortable by your question, but I can promise that I'll try really hard to not be upset about what you ask." She said, hoping that she could keep that promise.

"Ok," he said, letting out a breath. "It's just, when you were dating Remus, you were a little more…"

She raised an eyebrow and hoped he could finish that sentence without her help.

"There were times, when James and I would walk in and you'd be in Remus' lap and you'd arch and move. It drove me insane and you weren't in my lap." He said quickly, turning away to look at the flames again.

"Oh." She said, looking down at her lap. "So you're wondering why I don't…with you."

"It's crossed my mind." He said, still watching the fire.

She sighed, and looked back up. This time it was her hand that went to his chin to direct his gaze back at her.

"It's not that I don't want to. I do. I love the way your arms feel around me." She said, holding his gaze. "It's just that, I, I'm not sure that's who I am anymore."

"It's you, not me?" He asked, skeptically.

"I'm not explaining it right. And I don't know how to without making this a hundred times more uncomfortable." She looked at his lips and was tempted to kiss him out of this line of questioning, but thought that wasn't playing fair. "When I was with Remus, I was in the blush of first whatever it was. I wanted so much to have all of him, that I put myself out a lot more than I probably should have. Then, when I went to the Shrieking Shack, I ended up doing something that I hadn't planned for. Now, what I really want to do, is take my time and be sure."

"So it isn't that you found him more attractive than me?" He asked, swallowing hard.

She closed her eyes in relief. "No, it has nothing to do with that. I just want to be sure that I'm doing what I really want to do, when I really want to do it."

He leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips. Her hands found their way to his head and threaded through his hair.

"I like you a lot, Sirius." She whispered against his lips. "Just give me time to find my footing, ok?"

"Ok, Avedra. I'll give you all the time you need."


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 40

The evening of the party found Avedra and her mother fussing with several dishes of party food, the drinks at the bar, and the general state of their Christmas tree. They rarely entertained guests at the cottage they'd called home since Avedra was very small. They both had a case of the nerves. Avedra worried that her house wouldn't live up to expectations. Calligenia worried that she wasn't prepared enough to entertain a wizard of Professor Dumbledore's stature.

When they could find nothing else to straighten, nothing else to move, they both rushed upstairs to change into their party clothes and hopefully tramp down the nervousness. At precisely 7 o'clock, the fireplace roared to life with green flames and Lily nearly fell out of the flames onto the hearth rug, bringing her parents down with her She stood up with a nervous chuckle and let Calli brush the ash from her dress robes of emerald green. As her parents stood looking about them with wonder. Calli smiled welcoming to her parents and offered to brush the ash from them as well.

They were just saying their welcomes and thank you for inviting me's when the fireplace roared to life again. And so it went until the sitting room was bustling with people. Calli, with a determined air, flitted about the room making sure people had drinks and nibbles. Avedra felt less nervous now that Sirius was beside her and her friends surrounded her. Her mother shot her a look that clearly said to mingle, so Avedra took Sirius' hand and followed her mother's lead. She greeted everyone, including the people she only knew by sight at Hogwarts. She met her friends' parents, again, in Remus' case. Lily's parents, though Muggles, had begun an animated conversation with Remus' parents. James' parents were chattering happily to Calli. Everyone had grouped up and seemed to be having a pleasant time, waiting patiently for Dumbledore to show up.

A half an hour after Lily arrived, there was a polite knock on the door, and Avedra made her way through the party goers to answer it. There stood the headmaster, dressed for the occasion in magnificent robes of royal blue embroidered with silver snowflakes, his eyes twinkling and a smile on his lips. She smiled shyly up at him and moved aside so he could enter.

Calli moved forward to greet Dumbledore and the chatter died down a bit. Everyone, even Lily's parents, was awed by his appearance.

"Hello, Calligenia." He said, taking her hand. "Thank you so much for agreeing to this little get together. I do apologize for being a touch late, the Minister sent me an urgent owl as I was leaving and I felt that I had to answer before setting off."

"Of course, Albus." Avedra's mother answered. They turned and walked into the sitting room.

"Ah, good everyone seems to be here. Good evening, everyone." He said, smiling around the room.

"Albus," Calli said, looking up at him. "Would you care for something to drink or eat?"

"I'd love a glass of mead, thank you." He said, walking around and greeting everyone in the room in turn.

Avedra went back to Sirius' side. Lily had gone to her parents', as Dumbledore greeted them like long lost friends. Remus, too had gone to his parents', while James hung close to Sirius and Avedra. Sirius' hand found hers and his thumb started rubbing calming circles on her knuckles.

Dumbledore took his time with every person or group of people he addressed. By the time he reached Sirius, Avedra, and James, he'd taken a complete turn around the room.

"Ah, yes." He said, smiling down at them. "How are you this evening, Mr. Black?"

"Fine, sir," Sirius said, squeezing Avedra's hand. "And yourself?"

"Quite well," Dumbledore answered, and he spoke for several minutes about Sirius' course load and his interest in Muggle motorcycles.

"And, Mr. Potter," he said, turning to James. "How does the holiday find you?"

James answered and talked to Dumbledore about his classes, his parents, and his ambitions to be a Auror. When they were through, Dumbledore turned to Avedra.

"Miss Lustra, you've done a wonderful job preparing for the party and you look lovely tonight. Was registering with the Animagus office very problematic?" He asked, as his eyes seemed to see straight through her.

"Thank you, your robes are wonderful. It was nothing, the party preparations, I mean. Registering was the right thing to do, it was a little evasive, but I got through it." She answered, smiling.

They talked a bit about her career aspirations and about how happy she was to have finally dropped Potions. The talking in the room had gone back to normal and her mother had finally turned on the wireless so a gentle hum of holiday music played in the background. People were at ease and seemed to be having a good time as the pies and sandwiches disappeared.

Dumbledore moved to the center of the room and calmly called them to order. Avedra's nerves came back and she clutched Sirius' hand in both of hers.

"I'm sure you're all wondering why I, and Ms. Lustra, invited you here this evening." He said, glancing around the room. "As you're all aware of, there is currently an air of danger in our community. An air of danger that is spilling over into the Muggle world." He nodded at Lily's parents. "A former pupil of mine by the name of Tom Riddle has formed a group of loyal soldiers known as Deatheaters. He's fancied himself a new, more colorful name, that many in our world are afraid to speak. That name is Voldemort."

A few of the parents, and indeed students, gasped aloud. Lily's parents looked to her curiously.

"As you've seen, in the papers and perhaps in person, the death toll is mounting. The Ministry is doing, they assure me, all they possibly can, to bring justice to Voldemort and his followers. That's all well and good, but I have theories that there are spies among the Ministry." He sighed and looked down for a second, gathering his thoughts. He looked back up. "I have, quietly, begun forming a sort of anti-Deatheater group. Our goal is simple. We must put end to the terror that is gripping our world."

Sirius looked down at Avedra with eyes that shone with eagerness, an eagerness that she didn't quite share. Looking around her, she noticed that many of the guests were nodding in interest and agreement.

"Now, I cannot allow the students gathered here join outright. Most of you are still underage and must complete your education before you can be members. However, I believe it is never too early to start planning. I chose, I believe, people who are like-minded. In some cases, people who have lost loved ones already. People, in short, who I think will be competent and valiant members." He looked around at the eager and unsure faces and smiled. "All of you have what it takes to stand up the Voldemort and his minions."

"If this is something you're interested in, then please stay for the duration of the party. If it isn't, you may go. I'd ask you not to repeat anything said here tonight, but I'm sure Voldemort is aware that I have my own plans against him and therefore if you carry the tale to him he will be unsurprised." He waved towards the fireplace, but none left. "Good, then may I see those of you of age in the next room, while the younger of our group revels in the season?"

As parents, and indeed some of the students filed into the next room, Calli came up to Avedra.

"No listening in at the door to the dining room. There will be no point, Albus is putting an Imperturbable Charm on the door. Understand?" She asked, looking directly at Avedra.

"Ok, Mum," Avedra said, nodding. Everyone else gave their assent and she walked away.

"Well, well, well." Said James, looking at Sirius. "Dumbledore fighting back against the Deatheaters and he wants us, mate."

"He wants us, when we're old enough, James." Remus corrected.

"Still, can you imagine what Dumbledore could teach us about defensive magic?" Sirius asked, with a low whistle. "I mean he defeated Grindlewad!"

Lily and Avedra looked at one another, worry in their eyes. Of course the boys would think of the glory of battle, but what if one of them got hurt or killed? How would the world go on with one less Marauder? Avedra glanced around them and realized with a jolt that they were already one Marauder short.

"Didn't Peter come?" She asked, looking at James and Sirius.

"He said he was going to, with or without his parents, but I guess he couldn't make it work." Remus answered.

"Are you going to tell him when we get back to school?" She asked.

"Of course. Peter may be Peter, but he's one of us." Sirius answered. Then he, James and Remus huddled in the corner to talk their hopes for the future with Dumbledore leading them on.

"Lils," Avedra said, sitting down on the sofa. "Is something wrong with us? Why doesn't their thoughts of glory include the chance of failure?"

Lily shrugged and sat down next to her. "They're boys, they don't usually get the 'flight' part of 'fight or flight'. Plus, they're the Marauders." She answered as though it explained a lot, which it did.

They both sighed and watched the three men in their lives discuss the coming war with gleams of triumph and glory in their eyes.


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 41

On the train going back to school after break, Sirius and James wasted no time telling Peter just what he missed when he skipped out on the party. He too, Avedra noticed, got a gleam in his eye. Like the others, there were no thoughts of what would happen when they were old enough, when the danger wasn't so abstract. Worries of what would happen if anything happened to any of the four Marauders, or Lily had buzzed in Avedra's mind since Dumbledore had spoken at the party. And knowing, that to her mother as well as the older party goers, that the danger was not abstract, but quite real and at hand, did nothing to soothe her nerves.

A part of her realized that fighting on the side of Dumbledore wasn't just right, but necessary. In fact, she'd already decided that she was joining as soon as he'd accept her. Yet, she wasn't rushing into it head on, full of the idea of a good fight. No, for her it was just something she accepted, without a head filled with excitement at the thought of cursing a Deatheater into dust.

She stayed out of the conversation of the boys, until Lily appeared midday she said hardly a word. Lily, she knew from talking to her, felt the way she felt. It was a danger that must be taken, yet without a light heart. And Lily, being a Muggleborn, was in far more danger than she was.

"Lils, how was patrol?" She asked, as Lily plopped into the seat beside her.

"Same old. One of Snape's cronies tried to hex me as I walked past the compartment, but Remus got him first." She sighed. "Hard to believe that we won't be leaving that side of school behind us when we leave."

"I know," Avedra replied, sympathetically. "It's hard to believe that we only have one more year to go."

"Ah, one more year of McGonagall giving us detentions," Sirius said with the air of reminiscing.

"Sure, but just think, one more year and we can hex Snivellus without worry of detention." James said with a gleam of satisfaction in his eye.

"Come now, the Ministry will crack down on you if you go hexing him willy nilly." Avedra said, trying to inject some sense of reasoning into the conversation.

"Ave, do you really think that slime ball isn't going to join the Deatheaters as soon as he's clear of school? Hell, I'd be hard pressed to say he isn't already in the ranks." Sirius said with certainty.

"Look, I know he's got a fascination…" Lily started, but James cut her off.

"Don't." He said, almost glaring at her. "Don't defend him after last year."

Lily bit her lip, and looked at her hands. "It's just, you don't know him…"

"Like you do?" Sirius said, mockingly. "Do you not recall that he called you a filthy little Mudblood? When has he ever not been fascinated with the Dark Arts? Look, you need to realize, you don't know him as much as you thought you did."

"Leave her be," Avedra said, with a glare at both Sirius and James. "They were friends and sometimes you can't turn it all the way off."

"No, Ave," Lily said, looking up. "Maybe they're right. Look at who his friends are. I just, can't believe that there isn't some good in him."

"Of course there's some good in him." Avedra said calmly. "No one is pure evil."

"Really?" Remus asked, looking into her eyes. "What about Fenir Greyback? Or here's a better one, Voldemort?"

Avedra had nothing to say to that. She couldn't be sure that there was anyone could be born with nothing good in him. She'd never met anyone like that. She reached out and took Lily's hand. At least they had each other to talk to about their uncertainties while the boys took power being sure.


	43. Chapter 43

First off, THANK YOU! I love that people like this story, seeing as I only wrote what I love in the first place. Now, I know that I haven't been exactly on the ball with completing this story (not to mention the other ones I've written), but the truth is that I have a whole other life outside the writing portion of it (one that includes a son and a newly widowed father), so sometimes real life takes over to such an extent that the only use that my computer gets is a poke at face book (which I loath) and twitter (which I oddly enjoy). I will try (Key word: TRY) to finish this one first, because to be honest I know EXACTLY where it's going. And *shameless plug* if you want follow me on twitter (Larentia)…Also, to put to rest any worry you may have about where this story is going, please feel free to drop me a PM. I'll answer, almost, everything (without spoilers, if possible).

Chapter 42

As sixth years, the crush of school work greeted them in their return to Hogwarts. Avedra was almost happy that homework dominated their time, if only because it stopped the boys from regaling them with all the impressive magical victories they perceived in their futures. It was wearing to hear how the Deatheaters stood no chance against the future Order of the Phoenix. They still saw none of the dangers, simply adventure.

One afternoon, while James, Sirius, and Remus were in the library working on their Potions homework with Peter, Lily and Avedra sat chatting as they worked on their own school work.

"…and then he threw it in Severus' caldron and half the class got boils." Lily said, rolling her eyes.

"I didn't hear Sirius say that he had detention at dinner." Avedra said, pausing her quill.

"No, Professor Slughorn didn't notice that he threw it." Lily answered, checking her Charms book for an answer.

Avedra sighed. "Do you think that they'll ever mature?"

Lily chuckled. "This from the girl who's dating the least mature one of the lot."

"I don't know, I think Sirius and James are neck and neck." Avedra said, writing down another sentence on her parchment.

Lily grew quiet and at first Avedra didn't notice because she was in the middle of an essay. Slowly the realization that Lily Evans just dismissed a chance to insult James Potter sunk into Avedra's concentration. She looked up in belated shock to see that Lily was absently running her finger her Charms book.

"Lily?" Avedra asked, wondering if she just hadn't heard the comment she made a minute ago.

"Hmm?" Lily answered, looking up.

"Did you not hear me?" Avedra asked, "I said I thought Sirius and James were even at being immature."

Lily blushed, and looked down. "I heard."

"And?" Avedra offered, giving her yet another opening for a James tirade.

"I'm not sure," Lily said, glancing at the fire. "He's not nearly as annoying as he used to be."

"James Potter?" Avedra said, eyes widening. "The same boy that a few months ago you said was less appealing than the giant squid?"

Lily's eyes stayed on the fire. "I'm not saying I want to date him. He's just not as irritating."

"Is he less irritating because you've grown used to it, or because he's changed?" Avedra asked, trying to find the logic.

Her best friend turned to her. "You remember when…Last year…"

Avedra nodded, no one liked talking about the end of last year with her.

"He was worried, genuinely. He saved Severus. He visited you in the hospital wing. These aren't things that I would have thought he'd do. So he's not as annoying, and maybe he's growing up a little." Lily said, smiling slightly.

"True. Both James and Sirius have been good to have around, for more than comedic reasons." Avedra smiled at Lily. "Maybe this is their version of growing up."

At that moment the portrait hole opened up and the four Marauders trooped in, grinning and pushing each other. Avedra and Lily exchanged an eye roll.

"Avedra," Sirius called, coming over to her chair, he leaned down and kissed her. "Did you finish your work?"

"Nope," she said with a smile. "I still have a little left to do."

He sighed. "I thought we could take a walk before curfew."

She closed her book and set it aside. "I think I could manage a short walk with you."

Sirius took her hand and pulled her to her feet. "Should I tell them not to wait up?" He said with a wink.

"You could, but then they'd think less of you when we show up in thirty minutes or less." She faux whispered.

James grinned and chanced a look at Lily. She happened to glance up, and for once, it wasn't with a glare. Maybe there was hope. He turned to say something to Remus and was struck by the look of reflection on Remus' face. Like he was finally allowing himself to remember what it was like to hold Avedra's hand and to go off by themselves for some quiet time. Maybe, he thought, maybe both of his friends were going to have to figure this stuff out on their own.

James sat down in the seat that Avedra vacated and smiled at Lily.

"Say it," she said, preparing to roll her eyes.

"Say what?" James asked, feigning innocence.

"Whatever ill advised come on or flippant comment about Sirius' chances that are bouncing around in your skull." She said, smiling at him.

"Actually, I'm planning on leaving Sirius to his own business and I don't want to face your wrath so I'll just sit here quietly until you deign to speak to me." He said, his face a mask of patience.

Lily chuckled and, for once, they settled into a comfortable silence.


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 43

As winter changed to spring, Avedra and Sirius managed some quality alone time between preparations for their sixth year exams. They spent Hogsmeade weekends with their friends, slipping away for quiet breaks at the gate to the Shrieking Shack. In the evening, when Lily and Remus were taking turns monitoring the halls, they snuggled in front of the fire reading the Evening Prophet and sneaking kisses. They took long walks around the grounds and spent time getting to know each other even better than spending six years in the same school house together could allow.

During one of their walks, they talked about the time they spent in Animagus form. Sirius told her that James suggested he make the change permanent. Avedra grew thoughtful at this flippant remark.

"I suppose you agree with him?" Sirius asked, mistaking her silence for agreement.

She smiled sadly at him. "No, of course I don't agree. I was just considering…"

"Avedra?" Sirius said, looking into her eyes. "What is it?"

"The four of you, you all think that the future holds glory and adventure. Did you ever consider that it could hold pain? Or death?" She sighed and took his hand. "Wars are not pretty, Sirius. Both sides lose soldiers; innocent people are caught in the crossfire. I was just thinking that disappearing into my animagus form was tempting, if only I could take you all, my mother and Lily included away from all of it."

Sirius tightened his grip on her hand. He should have known that all their talk of putting Deatheaters in their place, the thrill of the fight would be off-putting to her. Of course she would think of saving them all from the fight.

"We'll be ready for them, Ave. We'll prepare, we'll know what's coming. We've got Dumbledore, remember?" He said, stroking her cheek with his free hand.

"Dumbledore is human, Sirius. He's not infallible." She whispered, turning from his touch. "Do you honestly think all of us will remain unscathed in all this?"

"I can't promise that we'll be untouched. I can only promise to you that we'll try very hard to do what needs to be done, so that our world, and the world at large, will be safe from the taint of Voldemort." He said, turning her face to his. "We'll get through this, Avedra."

She sighed and leaned into his touch. "I hope so, Sirius, I really do."


End file.
